Anybody else experience this? (...or even understand what I'm babbling about? )<p>Yea, I think I understand what you’re babbling about… <p>STL and I had some problems figuring out Plan A and love busters in the beginning. It is easy to think that they mean that we must never disagree. Instead what it means is that we can bring up anything if it is done respectfully. We can then discuss it as long as we do not love bust. Lost busting occurs when one yells, makes unfair judgments, etc. In Plan A you try to not love bust and meet your spouses needs. That does not mean you avoid discussing things. If you and your wife disagree on something, then simply agree to respectfully disagree. Then POJA and come to compromise. This does not have to be a conflict. The conflict is in the way you raise the issue and discuss it.
OK, here is a way to handle being afraid to come up with a solution because people will think it is unpopular. Come up with two or three solutions, throw in a funny one or two and present them to your wife, coworkers etc. They all have to be ones you can accept (except for maybe the funny ones). Then let them decide. This turns you into a facilitator instead of a conflict avoider. As you do this you may build your confidence in your decision making.. you may find that you are natural at it.
The things you listed as examples have to be discussed. I do not see why the will become conflicts or LB. Just deal with the facts man. Does your wife have email? One of the best ways to handle things that bother you is through email. Email here the questions and ask for her input. That will give her and you both the chance to respond after thinking of your stance of things and cooling off some… if needed.
RE: Like, how do we handle filing our tax returns this year now that we are separated?
Dear Wife, I’ve been wondering how we are going to file our tax returns this year since we are separated. Our choices are to file jointly or to file and ‘married living separately’. I believe we will save money if we file jointly so that is my leaning. Which would you like to do? Or do you have another idea? Please let me know by Friday as I would like to get started. Xo Always Hopeful
RE: Our medical insurance has always been furnished by my wife's company because it is free. Do I just go on assuming that I'm still being covered?
Dear Wife, I’ve been concerned about medical insurance coverage. At this point I assume that I am still covered under your employer’s policy. Is this the case? I feel that it is in our joint interest that you continue to carry me on this insurance at this time. We certainly do not need any surprise medical bills with all else we are going through. Xo Always Hopeful
RE: realize I am also probably afraid that I might get an answer that I don't want to hear. That could be the biggest fear of them all.
Well, like anything else, if you worry about what you do not know, then you will always worry. If you ask there is a chance you will get an answer that you do not like. But there is a chance you will get one you do like. And you cannot do anything about things you do not know. But you can solve problems and deal with issues you do know…. So talk to her, use email if you must.
It’s all in the wording.. AS for the xmas & thanksgiving thing
Each of you could have listed the options you saw… then each select their top one or two until you get an over lap. Now if one or both of you are not willing to compromise… then you have a different problem.
RE: Could she be looking for me to occasionally take a stand against her?
I am not sure she would say “stand against her”. Perhaps state your preferences in an assured manner? Why don’t you ask her this too?
Start talking to her openly….
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