I am at a complete loss as to how to handle the OC. We've been separated six months, he is living with the OW, and she just had a baby. My kids have now seen the baby during visitation twice. I don't like the way the OW treats my kids (insulting and intolerant), and I don't like the way she has raised her other child, who is influencing my daughter. My H does not want to stay with her, and is moving out, but I'm worried that my kids may still have interactions with the OW or OC. My H and I get along very well. We are good friends still, but I don't know if I can put any demands on him or his living situation since the papers are already signed. Any ideas? I just can't stand my girls having to her house again! Thanks.

JustKay,<p>Your children are going to our xH's (I assume ex) house. Do not make her the focus of your energy. Your ex is the one who betrayed you. She is incidental. And it sounds like she will be out of the picture soon anyway.<p>You did not tell us the ages of your children. That can make a difference.<p>But now there are the children. Keep them out of the adult fight as much as you can. If OW is mean to your children, teach them how to respectfully stand up to her. "Ms. OW, Please do not insult me. It is very hurtful." Maybe you could teach them to curtsey when they say it. Use it as an opportunity to teach you kids how to deal with difficult people and situations.<p>When my son was 3.5, his paternal grandmother took care of him for a while. He started coming home telling me to tell Nana to stop hitting him. I told my H and he said that he would not remove my son from the situation. So I taught my son to stand up to nana and politely say “Nana, please don’t hit me. That is not how adults are to behave.” She was furious but after a few times go the idea. That bought me time to do the stuff I needed to do to pull him out of the situation.<p>As hard as it will be for you, your children are going to grow up knowing this child. For the sake of all the children, all of the adults need to behave as best as they can.<p>Have you checked out the pregnancy and child forum… this is for people specifically in your situation? They may have more help for you <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=35&SUBMIT=Go

Hi JustKay,<p>I just wanted you to know I completely empathize with your situation. I too dislike the way OW treats OC, she is not a good mother. <p>OW goes to bars at night and OC (10 yo) has to get himself up for school and make his own breakfast, do his own laundry, basically takes care of himself. He's been doing this since he was 6 yo. OW claims to be too sick to take care of him, she had silicone implants installed and they leaked, but it's interesting how she feels well enough to hit the bars every night and drink, participate in all sorts of bebotchery, etc. SHE IS NOT A GOOD MOTHER!<p>Marriage Builders does have an Pregnancy/Other Child board in case you're interested. The folks there are wonderful experienced people in OC situations. Maybe post there too.<p>Best to you,
Jo

Gosh,
Reading all this makes me feel so sad, especially for all the kids.<p>Dear JustKay,
Since your H is not staying with OW, there is no reason for your children to have any further interaction with OW or OC. I don't see how this is an unreasonable request. You are responsible for the well-being of your kids and if OW/OC are a bad influence, surely, your H would be open to understanding. I think you should have a frank discussion with your ex and see if you can negotiate something reasonable regarding future visits. For example, maybe he could visit with OC on weekends that he doesn't see your kids. Cry, beg, plead, do whatever it takes to protect your kids. Maybe even go back to court if you have to.

Thank you for all of your thoughts. My kids are 2 and 4. The OW has another child, 3, and the OC. Since he lives there, they are all in the same house during his visitation. When he thought he had another place lined up, he stayed at my house with the kids for his visitation. Then, when his roommate fell through, he took them back to visit at her house. I can't talk to her because she does not know that he and I are still friendly and he is trying to be nice to her until he can get out. The divorce is not final and the visitation does not address the OW becuase at the time, I didn't know about her. I'm hoping, at most, 3 more visitations in that house until he moves out. I hadn't considered helping my child to learn appropriate responses to some of her comments! I was afraid if I said anything directly, it would get back to her that "Mommy said . . " You're all right. While I know they may remember her for a while, they are still good kids. My oldest does recognize when she's mean, and it is temporary. I guest I'm also hurt for them because they don't enjoy the time with their dad as much. I will have a talk with my oldest before the next visitation. Thank you again for helping me focus on them and their happiness.