Just as I suspected, and just as Bramblerose advised, WH didn't contact me after our night on Thursday night (he spent the night, we "did the deed", etc...) I sort of knew that he would contact me on Sunday night just after OW left, but didn't EXPECT him to, because expectations are just disappointments waiting in the wings. <p>I went to see a movie and shut my phone off. When I turned it on, I had a voice message from him as well as a text message. Basically reaching out to chat saying how late he would be up and if I felt like it, I could call him. I didn't. <p>Truth be told, I needed to get home as I had my weekly phone call with my Mom to look forward to. No sooner had I got onto the phone with her when H started ringing my mobile. I ignored it. He hung up and phoned back immediately. Didn't answer it. He hung up and phoned back again immediately. Didn't answer it....you get the picture. Weird or what?<p>I finally rang him back and asked if he was okay. He said yes and that he just wanted to talk about a few things. I asked him what and he said he didn't really know. (conversation w/ H is like pulling teeth these days.) I stayed quiet so he could talk. He said he was so sick of everything and just wanted to sleep and make it all go away. Said he was confused as hell, etc...then he started off with a few weird things...<p>Said he was angry about something but shouldn't have been. I asked him what and he said that we had agreed at Christmas to buy joint presents for his family and then I went and bought extra things for his parents and brother. I explained that I did this out of love and respect for them and it wasn't meant to upset him. I said I was sorry that he was angry about it and he said, "well, like I said, I was angry, but I shouldn't have been". <p>Then he started saying how he feels like everyone is against him, like he can't talk to anyone and that he doesn't trust anybody (including me sometimes). Says he feels like they are all going to come straight to me with what he's said. We talked thru that for a bit and I assured him that our mutual friends and family don't share his conversations with them to me and I don't ask. HIS relationships with these people are none of my business and I don't interfere. Drove home the point of "just because they don't understand what you're doing or why doesn't mean they are against you." He seemed okay with that. I asked him if he felt threatened by the fact that I discuss my feelings with our mutual friends, he said sort of. I assured him that there are only 2 people that I really pour my guts out to and not everyone gets all my emotional baggage handed to them. I guess he's feeling like he wants to reach out to people but can't because I'm in their lives as well? What do you think?<p>THEN we talked a bit about him moving back in. He said he has been thinking about it quite a bit. Said he keeps swaying back and forth with the thought. I told him I'm open for discussion and am always here to talk about it if he needs to. Said he's welcome home, but there would have to be conditions. He didn't ask what those were, I think he just knew. <p>He then asked how I was feeling and why I didn't talk to him about my emotions. I was honest and said, "I truly don't feel like you care. But if you would like to know, then I'll tell you" He said yes, so I stayed calm and explained that I felt betrayed, ignored, rejected, lied to, decieved and that at the end of the day, I have to do what is best for me and take care of myself. Explained that I had been working on a lot of issues with myself and in a way he did me a small favour. The whole A had made me wake up and realise I had faults that needed to be dealt with. He just listened. <p>He then asked why I changed the answering machine. (I re-recorded it with just my name). I said, very calmly, that he didn't live there anymore and I did. Simple as that. <p>At the end of the conversation, he thanked me for talking to him. I told him I loved him and would always be there for him no matter what. He sounded sad, upset, confused. We said goodbye.<p>So what the HECK is going on? I don't know for sure if OW was with him this weekend, but I assume so. Especially since he contacted me tonight, which would mean she had just left. Is the fog lifting? <p>Help me understand. I feel like he's reaching out a bit. What do I do? He's not really done this before and I don't know how to handle it. <p>It is SO late and I apologise if this is a bit rambled, but I can barely keep my eyes open! <p>Thanks!
VE

It's simple.<p>OW is not so good at meeting those ENs as he might have thought...and probably throwing in quite a few LBs.<p>Christmas without you and his extended family was probably a bit of a shock.<p>Continued disapproval from family and friends is probably getting to him.<p>(Remember 6 months to 2 years after the A hits the light of day is all that they usually last.)<p>And then...you are working on that Plan A, and looking better and better against all the pain and inconvenience and discomfort of cutting ties completely....<p>I still think you may need to go to Plan B before he'll truely get off the fence, but maybe not.<p>Sounds like it's going very well. Continue to get on with your life - and let him continue to be "confused". Right now, every bit of ENs and nonLB stuff you demonstrate is simply more food for him to compare and think about when it comes time to decide which side of the fence he's going to climb off on.

Who knows what's going on. Sounds to me like he's testing the waters. Like he may be thinking of coming home. But it is not a good idea to over analyse what the WS does.<p>Just take care of yourself, like you said. And continue to Plan A and give him the room to find his own path.

Don't really know what's going on, but when you find out, please let me know. He sounds a lot like my husband (confused, noone to talk to). We also have 2 close friends that know everything and that's it. <p>Sounds like you are pretty awesome at the Plan A stuff, I think I could learn a lot from you. Sounds to me, from everything i've read, that your on the right track and he is coming out of the fog. Everyone has told me that confusion is good and just stick to the Plan A with no LBusting.<p>Prayers are with you.

Hmmm...more information has come to light since last night. <p>Got a call from a mutual friend today. H went round to his house last night to talk before he rang me. Friend said that H opened up a bit and said he really hasn't a clue what or who he wants. Friend asked if H had to chose right now, who would he pick? H said he didn't know. He wants us both. Friend said "what don't you like about OW?" H said she was a bit boring and couldn't have children. Friend asked what H didn't like about me. H said he didn't like the flat we live in and didn't think he could handle my friends if we reconciled. <p>And that was it. That was ALL H could say about what he didn't like about me. <p>Friend told H that I had changed a lot over the past few months. That I had become stronger and more independent. H said "Yeah, I know she's changed. I can see it." <p>Friend then laid it down on the line for him and said, "Look. Have you stopped to consider that if you carry this on forever, Venus might get so p*ssed off and so hurt that she will just tell you to get lost? If you want to lose her, then carry on the way you are. If not, then sort it out. The problems you describe aren't anything that can't be worked on and you should have worked on them then and there when you had the chance. Right now, it's not too late." Friend said H looked a bit shaken by this. <p>So I guess this is a good thing? H is still confused and can't make a decision. Says that one day, it's me, the next day it's OW. Honestly, how long can this go on?<p>I guess only I can answer that question. <p>H tried to contact me a few times today. I answered once and got the impression he was waiting for an invitation to my flat. I didn't offer it. He thanked me for talking to him last night and said he was "sorry for bringing some things up" but that he needed to get them off his chest to someone. I told him he never had to apologise for bringing things up and that I'm always there to listen. <p>My honest opinion is that him and OW won't last. If H hasn't been able to let go of me yet, how can he ever? If he's really upset about OW not being able to have children, then what's he going to do when he wants them? I guess I just feel like if he really wanted to leave me, he would have done so by now. And he's been talking about moving back in, so surely that's a good thing?<p>Or am I just in my own fog?<p>VE

V,<p>I think that your analysis is right on. <p>He does not want to choose because he does not feel he has to. So he'll leave it up to you and OW. Which ever leaves first looses him. Makes him quite the prize does it not?<p>I wonder if you went to plan B, if it would put the final stress needed on his affair? If it would suddenly put him in the fear of God that he was actually loosing you. <p>It does seem like you are wearing thin these days.

It sounds like you're made a lot of progress with him, and I congratulate you. I also wanted to offer you one last piece of advice, though.<p>Don't let your mutual friends share their conversation between themselves and your WS with you...and don't ask for details from them about these conversations if you know they've been talking. Trust me on this...if it was discovered that they had betrayed his confidence in such a way, well-intentioned or not...it WOULD eventually get back to him and it WOULD complicate things.

V<p>You are doing what you need to be doing. And if I can say so a great job at doing it.<p>He needs to feel confused. He is confused. He is starting to get sick of all the crap with OW. This is good. It is dying. I feel the fog lifted for a moment.<p>Also, in my case when my FWH started talking to others about the A it was a good sign. He had kept it in for so long and now he could talk and get some of the "garbage out". Talking about it to anyone is a good thing in my book.<p>Hang in there and keep us posted. I lurk mostly now but do keep up with your progress.<p>
SLH

V, <p>Awesome. You show a cool and collected side. I know you are chomping at the bit to talk with him but you are showing great patience and I am impressed with how you are handling things. <p>I have watched your progress. You are doing quite well. You also have those near you who back up your reputation. Good job!!!<p>Keep up the good work. <p>L.