I posted earlier that I was going to ask my WS about the details of her affair. When, why, where, how long and how many times. I did and I got it all. It was a very cordial talk. I basically listened not trying to show too much emotion. I had to coax a lot of it out of her because she figured it would just hurt me. "What difference does it make" she said. I told her it made all the difference to me, and I think she complied. Anyway, WS told me that the OM is still married. She also told me that she does not think the OM's wife knows. It dawned on me that she is a OW. But you know how they are I swear, she justifies it all by saying how unhappy he is in the marriage. She told me they are seperated but still living together. What is that? I have already confronted my WS OM. I asked him to back off for 6 months while me and my wife give our marriage another shot. He agreed then called my wife 2 minutes after I hung up and told her about the whole conversation. He did say if she wanted him to back off he would. But ofcourse she does not at this point. So up to today I have been trying to figure out where he lives, what his situation is. Now I know he's married with children. I know that if his wife found out about A there is a chance that he would break it off with mine. But the only reason I know this is because I found out during this confession session that was for my benefit. I would hate to betray her trust. It has the potential to be a huge LB, especially if she blames me for the break-up. Is there another way? <p>Issue#2 She thinks that she can not work on the marriage or let him go because she does not feel the love for me. She wants to have the cart before the horse. Ofcourse coming from me it means nothing. I tried to tell her that what she feels is natural, that is how it is when your in this situation but she doesn't buy it. She says she needs more time which I guess is OK with me, I can continue with Plan A. But I am starting to realize that Plan B may be inevitable.<p>Issue #3 I told her about Marriage Builders and how I have been able to solicit ideas from other people who were in or are in my situation. I suggested she could do the same if she got familiar with the concepts. Is that a mistake. Is plan B still a plan B if she knows I am plan B'ing? At any rate I need to change my screen name now, anyone know how to do that?

Just sign up again under a new name.<p>As for telling OM's wife. Well that can be tricky. I think that she has the right to know. But you are right that if you betray your wife's trust you will loose her trust.<p>Do you even know this man's name and address? <p>As for telling her about this site. I did with my H and he loved it. But it does back fire some times. I always make sure that anything I post here is something I would not mind my H reading. I even share a lot of my posts with him. But I also would not post anything just to apease him... I find that I have to be truthful and respectful to both of us. I don't have anything bad to say about my H anyway.

jeff4415,
I found an old post from WS, check the last link I have on my sig. Hope will help you.<p>#1. It depends on WS, how comfortable you are with it ... risk and reward type. I use one time LB'ed to expose my WW's A. LB'ed is fine as long as it is not a habit. Remember how much LB'ed WS did with A ... and repeated offense. They live with it.
#2. When A is not dead, you have to slaughter them way before you are fed up w/ WS. I am arriving at the same conclusion and I hinted SH about it. I am preparing the logistic and detail.
#3. Actually the only thing you need is an element of surprise on plan B when you start it and when you end it. You will tell her excatly what will happen if A still happens on the plan B in the letter.<p>Yes you need to change your screen name and edit/delete some of your info that could be trace to you. Note: my profile will let you change the display name.<p>Good luck.