It has been a roller coaster ride for almost the past 12 weeks. On Saturday my wife (BS) is telling me she wants a divorce and she wants to move off on her own. Then on Sunday she wakes up and is asking about the two of us moving from the suburbs and living downtown in the city. For the first time in awhile we actually went out shopping with each other and had lunch. We also had some small conversations that I thought were pretty good. I explained to her that she was the happiness in my life and it isn't my car or the house or whatever like she thought. Also it doesn't matter to me where we live or what or where we are doing something as long as we are with each other. I think that part of the conversation hit somewhere in her head.
The hard part that I am having is that she hasn't shown any affection or intimacy in the last 4 or 5 months. I caught her with the other man about 3 months ago and that was going on for about 3 months prior to catch her. The problem is if I try kissing her on the cheek or giving her a hug, well she moves away. Sometimes she will let me do it but then she will tell me later that she can't stand that. She never says I Love You any more to me. If I sit back and never try anything I am not sure she will ever try to show any affection towards me. How long does it usually take a BS to show some form of affection or some intimacy. I have been plan A'ing my butt of every since I caught her. I am not asking for a miracle but it would be nice if she would hold my hand or something. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to work on this part? Or is this something I have to sit back on and wait until she does it on her own because she feels it.

Corrections...How long does it take the WS to show any affection or intimacy back into the marriage??

LOL!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .....well...ummm, im the WS....and it took until after there as NOOOOOOOOOOO contact WHAT SO EVER for me to begin to cmoe around to show affection. Im not the best at it, however, my BS doesnt show much of anything, therefore, there has to be otheWS who will pick this up..IF You change your topic!! LOL<p>mercy

I am a BS and its been 10 weeks since dday. All I get is a peck on cheek when leaving house and a halfharted hug. WS is in love with OM and not me.
Jennifer told me to wait it out and be nice in plan A. I am not trying to get her to love me right now just trying to get her to see that staying is an attractive alternative. After she decides to stay then work on getting her to fall in love. Of course I now hear that she was never in love with me for 14 years!<p>It may take a while if WS is still seeing OM like mine. Plan A clock doesnt start until there is no contact

Rickv...
Well my wife is no longer seeing the other guy. Thank god he left the company she is working at in late December and good thing my wife was in Europe then. The counselor suggested that my wife do that and I am glad she did.
So my wife stop talking to the other man back on 11/11/01. However he was still at her work place up until she left for Europe on 12/16/01. The bad part about it is when she is with her co-workers they still talk about the other man. They didn't know about my wife and him but I am sure that brings things back up in my wifes mind.
I have gotten the same line from my wife as you did. Sort of that I never was in love with you. The sex was bad, I was never happy, etc..
Bottom line is my wife is unhappy in life and she choose the marriage to be the excuse on why she is unhappy in life. It is so hard doing a good plan A when you don't know if or when they might come back.
What hurts me even more is that I know my wife is destroying her relationship with her family because she is too stuborn to talk with them because they disagree with how she is handling this. If she does keep this up much longer and doesn't show any attempt to work on the marriage. Well her relationship with her own family isn't going to be that good. I wish I could fix everything but now I am waiting on her to say she wants to work on the marriage.

I found out in March 2000 that my husband was having an affair. It was the most devestating thing I have ever gone through in my life. I was so stunned! He told me he cared for her, didn't know if she would leave her husband for him and then told me he wanted our marriage to work out. He told me he had the affair because he didn't think I loved him anymore. My husband was 50 at the time of the affair and the girl was 19. They worked together and continue to work together. It took my husband over a year to get his attraction back for me. He told me I didn't meet his EN when he started the affair, after I found out about the affair he said I showed him too much love and affection. It didn't matter what I did it was too much or not enough. He continued to talk to her at work and to chase after her. I moved out several times but went back home when he assured me it was me and his family he wanted not her. I have asked him to move to another job away from her but he refuses. He says he cannot do any other jobs because of his health. The girl has since remarried but I feel like our marriage will never survive as long as they continue to see each other everyday. He wants me to move past the anger and hurt of the affair and doesn't understand that I can't as long as he sees her and I see her Monday through Friday. I read the article on "withdrawl" and believe me it exactly described the way my husband acted after he was "supposed" to have broken it off with her. For a while he even acted like he resented me for finding out about the affair and confronting her. In fact, I'm positive he did resent me for sometime. It's hard to say how long it takes the show of affection and love to come back into the relationship because no two people or marriages are the same. My husband swears he cares, feels nothing for the girl but since they are together Monday through Friday I feel like it was only yesterday that I found out about the affair.

My wife has said she doesnt want to read any MB books because they assume there was love in the first place. She says after 14 years and 3 children she never loved me and would need a book on how to force her to love me. She wont talk to Jennifer because her counselor didnt recommend it. She listens to all her new friends who all apparently advocate divorce as most are divorced and she doesnt care that her side and my side of the family think she has made a huge mistake which will get worse if she leaves. I am waiting and doing my plan A and trying not to LB.
Hang in there; it takes time.

I think that it totally depends on whether or not the OP in still in the picture. In my case, the OW is long gone and my WH is over her. He does not initiate sex (guilt?) but is always willing and I am having a great time being the agressor. If there is any contact with the OP, I think that the WS will have a big problem showing affection to their S. Just my 2 cents, but I think that no contact is the only way back to an intimate loving marriage. Prayers to you, Ladysing