Estes
I've been gone, please respond. schultr@attbi.com

Hi Gottruth! How's it going?!

Yea, you're back! Give us an update. I hope there has been a postive change in your situation. <p>A quick synopsis of our situation since we last spoke: As you know, DIL moved to other state in May, seeing OM, yet asking S to move there. They negotiated all summer, back and forth. In Dec, S quit his job (It was at an outstanding pediatric hospital, and he loved it.) and moved. Last Thursday DIL asked S to move out, get his own place. She said his moving there had turnd HER world upside down. She said that he needed to move out so that she could see if she would miss him. Sheeze [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Fogese to the max, huh. She will not give up contacting OM.<p>S is (FINALLY) going to file the counter D petition which he should have done months ago IMO in order to protect his legal rights. He will not push to finalize the D any time soon - he continues to hope, but he says over his dead body will she get the D based on irreconcilable differences. She will have to accept public responsibility for the real reason for the D.<p>I want this to be resolved for S so badly. This has been 11 months of hell. I wish I could "fix" things for my "kid," but alas, all I can do is be supportive and let him work through this in a way that is best for him.<p>I'm anxious to hear about your D and where you have been the last month or so.<p>Estes

Marry,<p>My email to you was returned undeliverable. Can you check to see if it is correct?<p>Estes

Estes,
How long have they been married? Did she want to get married?<p>Tough situation!

Hi, Katie,<p>They have been together 9 years, married 6, both 33 years old. She definitely wanted to get married, blissfully in love. They worshipped each other. In fact, on her business web site, there is a photo of the three of them (S,DIL,GS), and in the biographical information she refers to S as her knight in shining armour. It was a knight and his lady, stars in their eyes, Camelot type thing. <p>The women in the family saw DIL's manipulative controlling side. The men didn't. She was always moody which we accepted as part of who she was.
No one knew she was bipolar. When she is in the depression mode, she is miserable; when she is the manic phase everything is wonderful and she can conquer the world. I loved her in spite of her moodiness, and worry about her health, but the damage she has done to my family will cause me to keep her at arms length until she apopogizes to S and shows remorse. She doesn't have to stay in the M, but she needs to stop lying.<p>I am so disappointed in her, I don't know what to do.<p>Thanks for asking,
Estes

Thanks, both of you, for your reply.<p>Estes
This is so hard to see our kids go through these times. Your son is lucky to have you as support. Is he willing to listen to you?<p>My D and I are in counseling. We have had three sessions and one coming tomorrow. I'm not sure what to say as how it is going, there are so many essues. We aren't talking about the affair as that issue is just one in many. <p>The enlinghing thing about this is that she has lied to the Theripist many times over. She presents herself as a victim and is stuck in that mode. <p>I have told you that her MM is a Morman Bishop. I would turn him in except that his stake pres. already has called him in and asked him about the rumers. He just says that she is some needy girl he has been ministering to and she fell in love with him and he is having trouble shaking her.<p>I have to let her go. This consumes my life and there is nothing I can do about it. If I did do something, it could not in any way be traceable to me.<p>Kate<p>I have read much of your progress here. I will you could talk to her. She thinks that she is the only one in the world with this "special" life and NO one could know how she feels. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]
I DO keep my mouth shut as the more I point things out to her, the more she will try to prove her choise RIGHT. <p>I'm going to see if I can get my E-mail strightened out so if either of you have something to say, you can do it.<p>In the mean time please give your thoughts.

gt,
there are none so blind as those who will not see. <p>I would suggest that you refer her to one of the OW websites. Try saying something like "you're right. I can't understand what you're going through. I want to support you as my daughter, but I have no idea how. So if you need to talk about MM try logging on to one of the Ow sites. Maybe those guys can offer you the support that I cannot give." <p>Then let it go.<p>TOW sites offer all different kinds of advice and support. And becasue we/they know the nitty gritty of EMA's its a very frank place to be. PLUS you can share about thing. Nothing is off limits. All of that with absolutely ZERO judgement!<p>Seeing the affair in a true light will help her make her own decision. At the end of hte day it's her life and she's got to decide how she's going to live it. Judgement will only push her closer to him and further from you.<p>Good luck<p>Estes,
as a fellow bi-polar, I feel your DIL's pain. It ain't no picnic. Espically if it is unmanaged. Sounds like her's is not. I was diagnosed about 5-6 years ago. At first I was medically managed with lithium. But since I was about 6 weeks pregnant I have been managing with behavior mod. So far so good. It aint easy though. Expect many many more ups and downs if she's unmedicated or unmanaged otherwise. good grief!

katie
You are right and for that reason, I have not tried to educate her for over a year. I do not engage her in conversation about him. <p>What sights would you suggest? I could give the information to her conselor however I know if it came from me it would go no where. If I do get the chance to do as you said, I will respond with the information in a non judgemental way.<p>Thank you so much Katie. You have contributed much insight here.

I have not logged on to TOW sights in a bit. But it seems that there used to be theotherwoman.com and there is always gloryb.com.<p>Good luck

gottruth?<p>It's good that you and D are in counseling. From what I understand, it takes a long time to see big changes, so be patient. You are right not to bring up the A. There seem to be some other basic issues for the two of you to deal with first. Boy, it's hard to be patient, isn't it?<p>My DIL lied to C also and to her priest, too. Do you think your C sees through what your D is saying? Do you get to see C separately so you can tell him/her the truth? Surely he/she has dealt with things like D's victim claim before.<p>I'm intrigued that the stake president is hearing rumors about the bishop. Where did they come from? How do you know? Sounds like MM has a suspicious history that other people already know about. I know it hurts your feeling to have MM say those things about your D. Sadly, I think he is taking advantage of her.<p>You ask if S listens to us. I am grateful to say that he does. He values our input and asks for advice. He is thankful to have us available. We live far from him so it's phone support, email. He says the only ones he trusts now are his parents. He listens, but he DOES what he thinks is best for him. For example, we have been urging him for months to get specific legal advice about how to have the best chance to get custody of his son, but he was afraid it would be seen as LB and didn't push it. I am so worried about this. S is an idealist, a bit naive, and ever hopeful, a kind, definitely not a go-for-the-juglar type guy. But he's learning fast. Ultimately, we can't change anything. He has to make the decisions in his life for himself. Like your D, too. It's hard to watch loved ones make mistakes, but you can't butt in. If you do, they will end up resenting you. I hear you about the "all-consuming." <p>
"If I did do something, it could not in any way be traceable to me."<p>That could be arranged. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]
Estes