...but I listened to his archived voicemails...<p>OW telling him not to call her... 'cause I called her and she doesn't want me calling her and she doesn't want me knowing her number... (oh, don't let me forget the ambient noise of her baby crying in the background).<p>and Young-Un calling him to wish him a Happy New Year and to say she won't be calling him... she hopes he's happy and find what he wants... she was between 'things' and he was her 'temptation' but she knows she shouldn't call him and she hopes he's happy and gets what he wants because he deserves to be happy...<p>I know Young-Un knows about OW...ya think OW knows about Young-Un?<p>...would somebody tell me what is so darned attractive about a 40+ married man with three small boys? Don't get me wrong...my H is VERY attractive... but as soon as I know someone is married and/or with kids... that's it... cripes...<p>He's talkin' to two of them... he needs two of them to validate him and give him those happy feelings? <p>I sure hope he gets to the end of his MLC tunnel and I guess it's time to alter my signature line a bit...<p>Cali

I read the title to this thread and automatically started to crack up! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Well ... if Princess doesn't know about Young 'un before, I'm sure she will now. <p>It is pretty unbelievable, Cali, needing two OW, but the good news is that tells us this isn't about Love. DUH!<p>Jo

Cali,<p>I'm not going to give you grief about listening to his voice-mail messages. Heck, if it were me, I'd have made some interesting calls already. (Remember those silly things some of us used to do, like have pizza delivered at the neighbors house? Hey, I bet we could have fun with an adult version of the game... You just let me know when you need to LB in a big, big way, and I'll help you brainstorm. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>My H was an idiot in the same fashion. While there was still contact with OW, he was having lunches with a 'young one'. Even after we spoke about how having lunch with the first young one was what lead to the A to start with, he went and had lunch with young one #2, AGAIN. His explanation: I am a grown man, and I can pick my own friends and go out to lunch with whomever I please; You do not get to control my life.<p>Well, okay. But I can also kick your a** out of the house and stop letting you use me as an emotional punching bag. Which is what I did, until he started ACTING LIKE A GROWN MAN.<p>Cali, you and I have talked about our H's control issues, about the lack of taking responsibility. So, no lecture. Just an observation. He may look like a grown man and be cruel like one, but he is not acting like one, not even close. The problems are the same: his control issues and his refusal to take responsibility for his own conduct.<p>Sheesh! What is in the air these days? Or maybe it is me. I've been venting a lot about other people's Hs. Since they are suppose to avoide LBs and I try not to LB mine, I figure I can LB other people's Hs. Right?<p>Hugs,<p>OneDay

LOL Resilient...at least they were messages I could stomach, eh? No "I love yous" from either one...<p>Yeah OneDay...My IC and I have talked about it a bit... I've only had one session w/ her in conjunction with my OS who was seeing her... seems I have been 'waiting' for H to grow up all our marriage... I know it is his 'control' issues he brought with him from family of origin ... I know mine are co-dependent issues from my family of origin... <p>Thanks for no lectures...I am actively pursuing detachment...gonna need your help... about time to do some 180's... start being unpredictable and mysterious...

Cali,<p>I would be glad to help you detach. I've got my scissors handy, just tell me where to cut. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>OneDay

Cali,<p>I lived with my WH from d day 1/27/01 til we left VA 8/13/01. We stayed in the same hotel rooms all across the states getting me and kids back to SD. It was hard.<p>We basically lived seperate lives, he stayed on sofa, stayed away from home, didn't go or do any thing together with kids and I, lived together but seperately. I refused to do his laundry or to hold meals for him. He stayed a part of the kids lives, did things with them and for them. I didn't do a good plan A at the time, have gotten better with that.<p>Still don't want a D, but know that that is part of my reality. (all though WH did not bring it up at Christmas time) <p>I too have put this in the Lords hands and am waiting for him to tell me what to do about it. (Our pastor had an awesome sermon last week on listening to God's voice, had a tape of it and have listened to it twice)my patience is wearing a little thin, but know that it will be in God's time and not my own.<p>Just wanted to share were I get some of the strength that I have to get through this.<p>Dawn<p>[ January 07, 2002: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Cali,<p>Does someone need the LB fairie to come out and play? She hasn't had any fun in a very long time, of course she has to be careful as some WW didn't like what LB wanted to do to the WW [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] :<p>LB wouln't mind forwarding voice mail messages to other people<p>or showing your WH what MLC 40 something men REALLY look like with sweet young things, maybe LB needs to show it my STBX, his OW is almost exactly between STBX & OS(17) in age, STBX is closer in age OW's mom than OW

daybreak! thanks... it is hard... I stoked myself up mentally all day to 'detach' and 'not care.' HUH! <p>sing... LB Fairie... where are you? I have only heard of her... she hasn't come out much to play since I started here in April [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>I LB'd last night... got myself all worked up despite my promises to myself... <p>H went to get son's forgotten homework... a trip that should have taken 20 minutes took 40... I was mixing chocolate chip cookie dough and cleaning up the dinner mess and proceeded to get myself all worked up so that when he walked in the door I was in a lather...<p>It went pretty much like...Why are you so mad?... I'm not... Why is your mouth all balled up?... Why did it take you so long to get son's homework?... Were you making up to <princess>... Maybe I just got unexpectedly delayed... I can't control you... I can't expect anything of you... I don't get the respect of a phone call... You see it as respect; I see it as control... Maybe I don't like being one of many... YOU'RE NOT and I don't want to hear this again for the rest of your natural life... Okay...then...I don't like being one of three... H has disgusted look. Why didn't you just call me?... Maybe because you never answer, then I leave a message you don't listen to... Is that what this is about? Why didn't you just say so... Cause you see my phone calls as controlling... <p>End of discussion... a few minutes later H has son bring me Memento the DVD he had been selecting and why he was late... a movie we both enjoy watching and that he had selected for me... didn't I feel like a jerk...<p>The moral of the story in never assume...<p>Cali

Dontcha just hate it when that happens, Cali?<p>Forgive yourself and move ahead. Did you apologize to H?<p>Jo

Ya know Resilient...I didn't... <p>I have said "I'm sorry" so much in our relationship that it pretty much doesn't mean anything anymore...<p>I imagine I will in time... when it will mean something...<p>Cali

I soooo know what you're talking about. XH and I said "I'm sorry" about a bazillion times the last month we were together (pre-separation).<p>Those two words do become meaningless. I understand. I tend to think almost all of us here have experienced the same. <p>Jo

Cali,<p>now the way I read it you just looked mad, okay you were but your H could had come in & said hey while i was out thought I stop & pick up this DVD that we like, you want to watch when you get those cookies made<p>don't you hate it when they put you in the wrong & for once they have done something nice