I ran across a little poem today while looking at some online greeting cards. I've heard this one before and I know that a lot of you probably have to:<p>If you truly, really love something
Then set it free<p>If it comes back to you
Then it is yours<p>If it does not come back to you
Then it never really was yours<p>It just kind of struck me as being extremely relevant at this point in my life. I was just wondering how everyone else thinks it might fit in with Plan A or B or any other of the MB principles.<p>[ January 07, 2002: Message edited by: Always Hopeful ]</p>

well, i believe in many ways this is true. You cant force anything to love or to stay and have it be real love.<p>here is another one i like:<p> You can lead a heart to love but you cant make it fall. (george strait)<p>Sometimes it take being let go....tough love i believe is what it is called.<p>good luck,
mercy

Always Hopeful,<p>RE: It just kind of struck me as being extremely relevant at this point in my life. I was just wondering how everyone else thinks it might fit in with Plan A or B or any other of the MB principles.<p>I think it fits right in to the MB principles. Plan A is about seeing if there is any possibility of the both parties rebuilding the marriage. Plan B is entered into when it appears that the WS does not want to stay.. so the BS ‘sets them free’ while leave the door cracked a little just in case. The WS may or may not return. But the BS has laid the ground work to be able to handle either.

Hi AH - I think it's entirely consistent with MB principles - and others as well, such as Divorce Busters.<p>My reasoning is that Plan A and Plan B are premised on the notion that the affair is beyond the BS's influence and all we can do is remove our negative contributions to the relationhip and let the WS seek their own level - by us letting them go.<p>So, in effect, Plan A and B are releasing the WS and allowing them to see what they're leaving - if they choose to look.

Yup, I agree with the above, but also don't forget that it's consistent with Dobson's approach too. (That being "tough love" - open their cage door, set them free, remain willing to reconcile when the come back, etc.)<p>It's no coincidence that this approach is almost universal, but with some minor variation - it's because it's often the only effective path. And it's almost eerie how often it's effective - of course, not always, but even in what might be considered "impossible cases", there's often that "buyer's remorse" of the WS. (What did I actually gain? Did I just lose my best friend? Is someone else going to move in on them? What if things with OP don't work out? Do I really have a deep love for them, want to spend the rest of my life with them? Etc.)<p>A friend of mine who got a divorce years ago now had a similar story. WW had an A with a friend of his. She was a real b**** to him, really hurtful and vengeful - looked like she wouldn't p*** on him if he was on fire. He filed, thinking it might force her hand. They talked every now and then, a couple times a month. But whenever they got close to talking about reconciliation, things would fall apart when she refused to give up OM. Finally their DV went through. Guess what? About a month or two after it was final, she called him up in tears - was willing to do ANYTHING to get back together. For my friend, though, it was too late - he was done. But interesting isn't it - even she "came to" - someone I'd least expect to do so.

Always,<p>I just posted something this weekend on a thread very similiar to this.<p>The thought was how much us BSer's love our spouses that we have pretty much let them go, why is it that the OP hangs on so tightly, afraid to let go, that it might not be what they think it is, anyways it was the jest of it.<p>Yes I use the thought in my plan A.<p>Dawn

I've seen this variation on Tee shirt or bumber sticker, can't remember which.<p>If you truly, really love something
Then set it free<p>If it comes back to you
Then it is yours<p>If it does not come back to you-
Hunt it down and kill it