I suggest that you get started here by reading all of the material on this web site. There are some articles on trust that you might find interesting. You will also want to read the book "Surviving an Affair", "His Needs, Her Needs", and "Love Busters". Read them in that order. These books will give you the road map to help recover your marriage.<p>Now to your questions? What does trust mean? I'm not going to crack Webster here? my take on it is that you are certain that a person is not going to do something that will hurt you. You feel safe with them. If you read the books I mentioned you would see that Dr. Harley assumes that no one can be categorically trusted to not have an affair. Humans are not programmed for monogamy. It is a choice to be monogamous. When a spouse goes with emotional needs unmet they are more likely to have an affair. People who have multiple affairs may be dealing with other issues such as 'sexual addiction'. So, we must take extraordinary measures to avoid affairs. <p>All married people should practice some measures at all times to avoid being vulnerable to affairs. Such as making sure that they never go out alone with a person of the opposite sex. Not to have close friendships with person of the opposite sex. Being radically honest with their spouse. Having no privacy in one's marriage. This is all explained in the books. You have learned the same lesson I have learned. We both learned it the hard way? do not blindly trust your spouse. Affair proofing your marriage is daily work and a daily decision for both you and your H.<p>Now rebuilding trust is a harder issue. It takes even more extraordinary measures. Such as your H accounting for all of his time, both of you knowing where every penny of your income goes, etc. Your H will have to earn your trust back by doing these things. You cannot be expected to just blindly trust.<p>Your prayer really concerns me. It sounds like you are asking to not see what is going on, or be oblivious. Perhaps that is why you are not getting what you need. Remember that your prayers will be answered only in as much as God feels they will give you what you need. So your worries are not being taken away. These are things that you need to worry about until you are working a solution. Instead I believe you need to pray about finding solutions. If you concentrate on the actions that will get solve your worries, then you will have power over them.<p>Here's a shot at things I'd be asking for?.<p>-----Help me do all I can to affair proof my marriage. And if my marriage fails, please help me to become a better person so that I can move on in a healthy manner.
-----Help me to grow and become a better person from this experience.
-----Help me to see the things I contributed to the failure of our marriage. And give me the strength and wisdom to change these.
-----Help me to set appropriate boundaries to protect us from possible hurt in our marriage.
-----Help me to affair proof our marriage so that I am not as vulnerable to being hurt.
-----Help me to be honest and forthright about my husband in telling him of my own emotional needs and how to affectivity meet them.<p>-----Help me to understand that I can only control over my own actions, that I cannot control my H. Help me understand that all I can do is strive to meet is emotional needs and not love bust. Beyond that he will act of his own free will. Give me the insight to see clearly if he is not being faithful. Help me to know when it is healthy to hold onto my marriage and when it might be healthy to let it go.<p>-----Help me to find the insight and strength to handle all of the hurt I have received and any further hurt.<p>-----Help me to do all I can to build a happy, strong and affair proof marriage with my H.<p>Have you asked your H what his emotional needs are? Physical attractiveness is a need that all people have. But each person values it to a different degree. For my H physical attractiveness is near the bottom of his needs. He wants a woman with substance before he wants a runway model.<p>
Just a side note here? does your H pick on your physical attractiveness? Why do you think you need a big rework in this area?<p>If your husband has told you that he would like you to pay more attention to your looks, loose weight whatever, then go to a physical trainer and ask them to help with weight loss and body sculpting (but don't over do this). If you cannot find either? start walking daily and go shopping at the better department stores. Their make up artists will redo your make up. Their sales clerks will give you all sorts of fashion tips. Then go to a place that does makeovers. They could help you find a new you.<p>Always remember that you were attractive enough for your H to love you when he married you. Could it be that it is not your looks at all?<p>The emptiness you are feeling is that you are both not meeting each others EN's. Have you and your H filled out the EN questionnaire yet? This could tell you a lot.<p>Are you and your H spending at least 15 hours a week together? This is essential to rebuild romantic love and the bond between you.<p>Hope this helps some.
