I've posted my story so i'm not going to go into detail. My W affair ended one month ago, it ended sooner then they wanted but i found out and basically ended it after they had told me twice it was over. The past month has been better then the previous two, alot of the tension and stress is gone. My W says she not in love with me and says the feelings ended before the OM. We had a phone session with Jennifer and gone to a counsellor once. The counsellor wanted my wife to go a few times on her own, she has once and is going again friday. I have been to the counsellor three times on my own prior to the affair ending.
Yesterday and today my W said she was having a bad day. We had agreed not to talk about us until friday after her session, she said that i was causing alot of stress by wanting to talk all the time. I have been Plan A'ng pretty well but she is saying she can't except anything i do right now, she said i can't meet her EN.
She had to work tonight so i bought her a small treat and a card saying i believe in her and our marriage. I just talked to her on the phone and she said the card made her mad, she said we will talk on friday, i'm getting frustrated i having been giving 100% and she has given very little, she said that she can't give very much right now. I want to call her at work but i know it will probably make her more upset. She usually comes home on her lunch but she's not tonight. I feel terrible right now and know i won't be able to sleep...I'm trying to be patient but sooner or later i'm going to need her to meet some of my EN. Should I call her or wait until friday????

Hi Bruins, MY H is the same.. we are going to counselor tomorrow and he does not want to talk to me until tomorrow... we are seperated... at least your w still lives at home... PLAN A ALL YOU CAN- this means no relationship talk... she will feel happier, when you just have a good time with her... she will like this better... do not relationship talk. My H started feeling more comfrotable as I get more succesful in plan a behavior and no relationship talk... Very hard not to talk about it, epsecially when he is still in contact... ... I got upset today becuase4 my h and ow went to run errands together... now there is no more sf, how ridiculous... we will be just friends now they say.. how utterly ridiculous.<p>Thanks for being here... post and plan a through friday... do it one day at a time.. nothing is so difficult you can not do it for one day. Get busy and work on other things, you will find you enjoy yourself without her. You can be ok without someone... remember back to who you were before the relationship.<p>Be strong, as you draw back, she will draw nearer to you- IT IT TRUE, so as hard as it is, step back=== you will be more interesting, when busy and self fulfilled...law of human nature.<p>HUGs to you, HONEY

By the way, don't call, write her a letter, and stash it away...it helps you get it out... and no one has to see it, so no lb's... even if you are being kind, it sounds as if she feels pressure... my H must too... they feel quilty, and need to be alone... We need to let them be alone so they will miss us.
BE strong, you can do this, it is worth it... she will come back if you put the right plan into action.<p>HUGS again, HONEY

i agree with Honey, I'd wait until Fri to honor your W request to show that you can listen to her. IMO, its important to not appear to needy and I've been thru that feeling. I think there's more respect if you can just back off because no matter what we say or do, they need to figure it ot for themsleves. I'm just trying as hard as possible to not guilt her or judge her in anyway. Heck, I haven't even told her family about the PA and its been 5 mos.!

Thanks, I've calmed down abit, still think sleep is going to be tough. I just can't believe this is all happening, I wish she would step back and see what is here for her...i'll be patient, but man some days i really have to bite my tongue.
Take care

Hi Bruins,<p>Sorry, I missed your initial story posting, but here's a brief summary of my situation, hopefully to give you some encouragement...<p>Much as with you, my WW started off after d-day by treating me quite badly... some of the things she said - so hurtful, so painful. I wouldn't have ever DREAMED she would have said these things or treated me the way she did.<p>But I stayed focused. I stayed in my "Plan A". I had a few LB doozies - but nothing that I couldn't overcome. I always tried to look at everything from an objective standpoint - that I prefer to make my marriage work, but I don't NEED my WW - if I act like I NEED her, I'll act NEEDY, and that will make her want to run away. So I adopted a policy of acting calm, confident, pleasant, and NO LB'ing. Not always easy, but I must admit - I've done a remarkable job in many ways.<p>WW similarly has been reluctant, has been unwilling to try very hard. She's been confused, and has waffled back and forth. I've tried to be understanding and kind, with little pressure. I've often taken the approach of "gratifying then backing off" - too much at once of anything can spoil things.<p>Well... what happened? It's been 4 months now. WW still hasn't broken it off with OM, but I have noticed some things:<p>- their relationship is starting to show some cracks. She admits that her relationship with OM is very "up-down".<p>- recently, she opened up to me, admitted that much of her anger towards me was there to subconsciously "push me away", "make ME make the decision to leave", etc. She seems to have less and less anger towards me now, and seems like she can defend herself less by using the anger excuse.<p>- she also admits that she understands now that I've loved her "all along" (she thought I didn't love her because of how she perceived I treated her), and that this might allow her to open up to me more - she hasn't done it yet, but at least she's "discovered" this fact on her own and is showing some promising signs. I have tried to NOT "educate" her about these sorts of things, even though much of what she's starting to figure out, I could have told her months ago.<p>So I have a long ways to go - OM is still definitely in the picture. But WW is starting to wise up to things - to the fact that I'm a "great guy" to have stuck it out with her for so long, as she herself now admits. I've started to notice some changes that appear to go deeper than the normal rollercoster ride - more time will tell. As Steve has put it to me, it's a "chipping process" to break down their walls.<p>If your W's A did die as recently as you mentioned, then I'd expect her to be going through withdrawal for a while. I think the time for that will vary, so will the intensity. As it is with me and my Plan A - it's all about time and patience. But there is proof out there that both of these things DO have an effect. In the mean time, keep yourself busy, start learning to live for yourself. Don't let this obsess on you too much - I've just recently started to learn to let go - accept what I can and can't control.

JR
Thanks for the reply, I have to keep telling myself that I have a long road ahead, i know what you mean about not trying to educate...i stop doing that it only makes her made...she read a little on this site but doesn't want to apply any of it right now...Thanks again and stay strong