My wife has been in an A for about 2 months. She says that he has dumped her because people are starting to find out. He is a district attorney and has a reputation to keep. I somewhat believe that they have stopped seeing each other. My wife says that it has been over a month since they saw each other. But she says that if he calls she will go right back to him. Should I go see him and let him know that a lot of people know about this? Should I have someone else go see him and tell him that this is getting out? I want to do what I can to keep him from calling my wife again. That way I can keep trying to rebuild my marriage. I have a 2 year old daughter and I can't stand the thought of not being with her everyday. Someone PLEASE HELP!!!!

Hurtinhubby,<p>First Welcome!!!! You have found a good place with some awesome people and some great support.<p>I don't know if you have been lurking here for awhile or not.<p>There is a general welcome over on the Just found out board, check it out it will give you some great info.<p>There is lots here to be read and absorbed, it will take a while to get through, but a must read!!<p>As far as your question about calling OM, after you read you will have your own answer, so before you make the call read and find out what an LB is, and how to avoid them.<p>Best wishes to you, also look for a post from redhat as he has some links in his signature line, that may be of use to you!!<p>Welcome! You have come to place of help and support!!<p>Dawn

Sorry about your pain. Please share more details about how this started. Particularly how he met your wife.
A district attourney who has apparantly shut down his affair with your wife probably has something to hide. Handled correctly you might be able to bring this son of a ***** to his knees. But be smart, investigate but do it secretly and remember these folks have wide information networks. He probably knows more about you than you do about him. But don't let the WS get an inkling about what your doing.
The major issue is however with you and your wife and you've come to the right place at MB.

I found out right after Thanksgiving. She has told me that he stopped seeing her on Nov. 28th. I think this is true, because she is showing signs of depression. I moved out about 2 weeks ago. Although, she still wants me to come over every night to be with our 2 year old daughter. She also invites me to go swimming and sit in her parent's hottub. We have been talking really well lately, but then there are days that she won't have anything to do with me. I have been doing plan A, mainly just trying to not do things to upset her. I tell her I love her and I want to be able to show her that I can meet her needs. Sometimes we touch and kiss, but she says that when I hug her she thinks of him. That hurts, because she really doesn't act like it. We have had some of the best hugs in the past 2 weeks. I told her that I know I am partly responsible for our problem, and I have listed all the things that I know I can do better at and I am already showing her these things. She told me that he dumped her because people were finding out, but she does not want let him go. He has a good reputation he doesn't want to risk that by being with a married woman. She told me that if he calls she will go to him. That is why I want to contact him in some way, to let him know that a lot of people know and he should just back out like a man. They don't work together, but my wife is a social worker and is at the court house often. So the possibility of them coming into contact is there. Last night she did not come home until midnight, but told me that she worked late and went to have a drink with a female collegue. She did smell like smoke. I just asked her to please call me to let me know she is alright. I did not get mad and actually told her I was happy she had a good time. She apologized several times for staying out late.
I feel like I am out in left field and there is no one in sight. Every once in a while I can see home plate, but then it drifts further away. I love my wife and daughter very much and I want to save my marriage. Am I doing what I need to do? The biggest thing I see on this site is to have patience, I am trying. I have read the books His Needs, Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. They have helped a lot. I just ordered After the Affair and Surviving Infidelity. I hear they are both good books. Sorry to be so long, but this is the first time I have been able to really say these things. Please give me any advice you have, THANKS!!!!

I would advise you NOT to contact him. If you do, that will just show your wife (and she will find out), that you are sneaky. If she asks you too, then that is another story. <p>Trying to get to the OM and tell him what you know and what people will know if he doesn't comply is a major LB. I would advise that you be patient and take care of yourself. Keep in mind that the reason affairs happen is for 2 reason I think. 1). Your spouse is mentally ill (like mine, she is Bi_Polar). 2), there is something they are lacking in the current relationship. Don't be something you are not. Be yourself and she will see you for who you are.

I found out right after Thanksgiving. She has told me that he stopped seeing her on Nov. 28th. I think this is true, because she is showing signs of depression. I moved out about 2 weeks ago. Although, she still wants me to come over every night to be with our 2 year old daughter. She also invites me to go swimming and sit in her parent's hottub. We have been talking really well lately, but then there are days that she won't have anything to do with me. I have been doing plan A, mainly just trying to not do things to upset her. I tell her I love her and I want to be able to show her that I can meet her needs. Sometimes we touch and kiss, but she says that when I hug her she thinks of him. That hurts, because she really doesn't act like it. We have had some of the best hugs in the past 2 weeks. I told her that I know I am partly responsible for our problem, and I have listed all the things that I know I can do better at and I am already showing her these things. She told me that he dumped her because people were finding out, but she does not want let him go. He has a good reputation he doesn't want to risk that by being with a married woman. She told me that if he calls she will go to him. That is why I want to contact him in some way, to let him know that a lot of people know and he should just back out like a man. They don't work together, but my wife is a social worker and is at the court house often. So the possibility of them coming into contact is there. Last night she did not come home until midnight, but told me that she worked late and went to have a drink with a female collegue. She did smell like smoke. I just asked her to please call me to let me know she is alright. I did not get mad and actually told her I was happy she had a good time. She apologized several times for staying out late.
I feel like I am out in left field and there is no one in sight. Every once in a while I can see home plate, but then it drifts further away. I love my wife and daughter very much and I want to save my marriage. Am I doing what I need to do? The biggest thing I see on this site is to have patience, I am trying. I have read the books His Needs, Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. They have helped a lot. I just ordered After the Affair and Surviving Infidelity. I hear they are both good books. Sorry to be so long, but this is the first time I have been able to really say these things. Please give me any advice you have, THANKS!!!!

I dont know if this is the right thing or not, but I ASKED my WW if I could talk to the OM. Of course she said no, but she is still contacting him. maybe your wife would be more accepting? But maybe thats not the best thing.

Hurtinhubby,<p>A DA is in a priviledged position with respect to a social worker. She presumably relies on him for the resolution of her case work. She has perhaps offerred him sex to get favorable judgements in some of her cases or he has perhaps suggested it might help.
People can put a successful career so high on their agenda that they become very vunerable and a nice smile and a compliment is often all it takes to make the woman soften.
Affairs at work are always ill advised but the ones that involve someone in authority over the other person are in a separate category.
These people are misusing their authority to secure sexual services paid for by the company (in your case the taxpayer). Not only is the company damaged, but also the victim's co-workers who get less than equal treatment.
If the victim is married it is the BS who in addition to all the MB stuff is best placed to make the case against the OP.
I encourage you again get investigating. Has this DA handled any of your wife's cases. Have the resolutions seemed dubious? Once again do it secretly AND DO NOT REVEAL WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOUR WIFE.