Well I just wanted some advice from you. My husband is gone for a month I can't even talk to him till the end of the month and had asked me to open his e-mails for him and delete them to keep his e-mail from filling up. Well today he got a e-mail from some lady. It was just a greeting card from Yahoo wishing him a happy new year it is signed Love.... her name.
Back before I found out about his affair he was in chatrooms allot and e-mailing allot of women so I am not sure what is up with this person. I am not sure if it is just a spam thing or someone he actually knows it didn't have his name on it just his e-mail name and the message. What would you do with this. I was thinking about just erasing it and not saying anything to him about it sense we have been doing pretty good lately. His affair ended in August and he hasn't been on the internet much or even been on the computer much. Or should I write back to this lady and ask her who she is or act like it is him writting it. What would you do any advice?

mostlyhurt --<p>It easily could be just a generic spam thing, especially since it contained only his screen name and didn't use his real name.<p>But...what to do with it? I would be inclined to delete it and not even mention it. BTW, the use of the "love" word often doesn't really mean "love," but is too frequently more a cliche these days, unfortunately! Lots of people rate a "love."<p>On the other hand, do you regard an email in the same category as regular snail mail? Would you remove or destroy a snail mail card from a strange woman? <p>I wouldn't write back to her to find out who she is--not worth it. <p>Since he has a somewhat tainted past with his A ending in August, you're still smarting from its effect--and rightly so! I'd say the Yahoo card doesn't mean much but the fact that you're posting here about it means that you are at least thinking about it, which means it's an itch that needs scratching. I'd scratch it--delete it!<p>Ammon

I disagree about the "spamming" idea. Greeting cards don't fall into that category.<p>You have to intend to send it in order to send it.<p>I guess I'd want to know who she was and what was up. I guess right now that you have the opportunity since you will be monitoring any replies.

Personally, if you feel the two of you have been making progress and you have a level of trust built again, don't worry about it. Use the 'block' option to prevent her from sending anything else. If she is something significant, she may try to send another message using another name. If this happens, then it would be a different situation.

Hi Mostly,<p>I'm sorry about the email, but all is not lost.<p>Couple things ... your H would not have asked you to read/monitor/maintain his email if he had something to hide. I don't know if you two are in recovery or not, but if you are, when H returns I would ask him about the e-card email sender (e-OW) in a non-LB way (Radical Honesty). <p>If he admits this e-OW was someone he chatted with in the past and it's over, then ask H if you can please email e-OW back identifying yourself as his W and stating your H told you about her, and his chatting days are OVER. You two are in complete agreement (Enthusiastic Agreement) on this, you are rebuilding your marriage, and to please never email him again. Then block her email addy (Rule of Protection). <p>Whatcha think?<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

mostlyhurt --<p>Lexxxy is right! (where's my brain?) -- You do have to intend to send those cards in order to send them. Spam is not a possible source here.<p>Also right about the timing--since you're the "email monitor," now would be the time to inquire. I still say it's not worth it, though, because you're liable to set off alarm bells and either get no reply or get some convoluted and back-pedaling explanation which won't tell you what you really want to know.<p>Let us know what you decide...<p>Ammon

well I went ahead and replied back to her all I wrote was thanks for the card I am not sure who you are please fill me in that I knew a few people by her name. I signed my husbands e-mail name just like she sent it. If she writes back then we will see what is said if not then I won't worry about it I figuire I have about 3 weeks left before my husband gets home. I agree with resilient that I don't think my husband would have asked me to go into his e-mail if he had any idea anyone was going to write to him. What really upsets me is it seems like we are finally doing ok when something always has to happen. Most of the time it has to do with the people he use to chat with on the internet. The OW seems to be out of the picture now. He went through and blocked there names off his e-mail address and then they find a new way to write to him. A few weekes ago a lady actually called here for him and wanted to talk to him. When I answered the phone she acted like I should know who she was even. She hung up on me when she realized I was pretty mad. I asked my husband if there were going to be anymore things and to be honest with me about these people. He always says there is nothing else and that he is being honest then I get another slap in the face when something else happens. Then he says he wants to talk about it and be honest with me. I am sick of him hiding things from me till I find out. I would rather he would just get it out so I can work on getting over this mess. Thanks for all your advice I will let you know how I make out.