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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 177
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 177 |
I'm in plan A, and have been hanging around for 10 months now, finally doing great. I'm hoping to be in recovery soon, we are IC. I have a few forward thinking questions.<p>I realize my part in the A and what I did wrong in the M, so assuming I become the perfect spouse<p>How can the WS ever trust the BS again?<p>Does the WS ever admit to any wrong doing in the realtionship? or accept responsibility for their behavior and the damage and pain they have caused? <p>Currently its all about me meeting her needs, when does it begin to reciprocate?
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Well dad here's my 2 cents..... it begins after she starts to feel needed and secure. For her to feel love may be a bit much to ask therefore, your needs may not be met for a while. <p>Look at it like helping someone get over a very bad flu. Now they can get out of bed but not quite ready to go back to work. Still hacking and running a fever. Not much energy yet. May even have a relapse or two. <p>You don't have to be there to make them 100% well but you can get them started and they will know you are there when you need to be. Eventually as she gets stronger she can start meeting your needs. <p>.....or you can be like me and let her know (gently) that you'd appreciate bit of appreciation or reassurance too. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>BE PATIENT!<p>Take Care,
L.
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 177
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 177 |
O,<p>Thanks, Good Stuff!!! I get it!!!<p>Any ideas on things to say or do to halp make her feel needed and secure.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
In your profile it says that she was back with OM as little as a month ago.<p>IMO, its far too soon for you to be expecting her to be feeling in-love and wanting to meet your needs.<p>She is very likely still in withdrawal.
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 407
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 407 |
Just you wait, dad...<p>Right now she's not ready, so it's you that wants everything to be better today, today, today! When she's ready, it'll be her that wants everything "fixed" immediately (and therefore making more of an effort to meet your needs) and probably you that wants to keep talking about the issues (and being withdrawn).<p>I don't think there will ever be a time when you can (or should) "stop" making this effort to meet her needs...and no stopping point for her once she's ready to start meeting yours. It may be exhausting...but if it's what it takes to keep your relationship healthy and happy...isn't it worth it?<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: TowardsTheFuture ]</p>
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