UPDATE:<p>I posted under "New Here- Wife Having Affair-
She's in Love-Help" on 1/9/02 (see topic below) and today, 1/10/02 my wife has called me 3 times, once leaving a sweet "I love you" message and then talking to me and telling me that maybe Sunday "we can talk" about things.<p>At the same time, she secretly spent $55 yesterday at Victoria's Secret and, when confronted with it, she lied about it. She also sent her OM an e-mail yesterday telling him that she is sorry things are the way they are "for now" but that she misses him terribly and she "loves him, loves him, loves him". Now she is out today for the entire day. I am on a rollercoaster here. Is this normal behavior for WW?<p>I plan to do nothing to confront her right now. My kids are away for the weekened so I have the chance to give her all of my love for 3 days.<p>I hear so much conflicting info on this site. Should I get tough with her? Should I give her more time to figure this out (that's what she says she wants)? Should I keep Plan A'ing?<p>Any WW's out there to give me some giuidance on what my wife is going thru?<p>HELP!!

Just my opinion --
But confronting about a Victoria Secret purchase is not "Plan A hard"
Nor is snooping in her e-mails.<p>Both are big lovebusters.
So commit to Plan A if thats where you want to be.<p>As a WS who has been Plan A'd -- inconsistancy will kill your efforts. You can turn on Plan A for a week, then shut it off for 2 days, then turn it back on again. It will be as though the first week never happened.<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: Lexxxy ]</p>

Wow, thanks for that. I actually didn't snoop about the Vic Secret. I knew WW made a $60 MAC wd and when we went for Chinese she was broke so I asked her where the money was. She admitting purchasing a bra and panties at VS, but said it had nothing to do with OP, then showed me an old bra/pantie that I know was not what she bought. But I accepted her explaantion w/o question, then went in the BR and had a major anxiety attack, throwing up. She came in and held me and said I need to go to a DR and get help. She is so "out there" that she seems to say and do anything.

Very, very normal...<p>You can't chase her Boppo... that will make her run... as for snooping... it is LB... but it is easy to believe them unless you have your own reality checks... my snooping provides me with reality checks... otherwise I would delude myself into thinking things were okay... cause things can be so friggin' normal... no tension... no arguments... regular s*x... it can get very confusing...<p>Just know that you are dealing with one very confused person and you cannot trust anything they say... and only 1/2 of what they do...<p>Plan A is NO LOVEBUSTERS (angry outbursts, selfish demands, critical judgments), MEET HER EN'S (even if you have to guess at what they are) and CHANGE YOU (work on what makes YOU happy for YOU... NOT what you think WW wants you to change).<p>Let WW COME to you... like with skittish animals if you come up on them too fast... they will run away...do the things you used to do that attracted her in the first place... <p>keep conversations light and NOT about YOU or relationship... <p>Good luck,
Cali

I do not believe you are helping the situation by condoning her affair with the OM. She knows that she has you waiting for her in case her relationship with the OM falters. Her actions show that she does not respect you or her marriage. Pretending that everything is rosey while she is having an affair will only continue the emotional distress which can affect your health. Put your foot down. Stop being a part of her fantasy world.

Very good advice Cali, I applaud your mastering of plan a, which is obvious from where your life is, and the words you use to describe plan a... I am doing a better plan a now. I am thrilled, but I did slip some today and I am not going back... I am having a bit of trouble here and there and will do whatever it takes to do better... MAYBE I have to quit worrying? That is the hardest part... but I guess pooring positives into me will really help a lot! It is very difficult to do a good plan a in these sorts of circumstances.<p>It sounds as if you are doing a good job, keep it up PLAN A, it works, believe me I am finding out. My Ws is like a desperate puppy for love and affection... we had been so mean to each other....at times... and both of us were holding resentments... he still is.. so we did have a mess on our hands.... still have a big obstacle to overcome..<p>It is kind of like if... someone else is dating the person you love and want to be with for the rest of your life... the ONLY RIGHT WAY to win them back is by falling back in love, where your mate will never want anyone but you !!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] FUNNY, I just never thought of the possibility of my mate wanting anyone but me, but when you are not getting along well, and not meeting en's - then why wouldn't someone be tempted.?