Can I do plan A while living somewhere else, but spending my whole evenings at home? I basically just sleep somewhere else.<p>My W and I are talking fine together, but she says she doesn't want me in the house. Should I say screw that and move back in, or just sit back relax and plan A the heck out of things?<p>I have been sending her e-mails and cards telling her that I still love her and I would like the chance to show her that I can meet her needs. Is this appropriate? She never responds to them, and when I ask her about them she says very little about it.<p>My W came home at midnight the other night and said she worked late and then went out for a drink with a female collegue. I am not sure that is the truth, so I plan A'd the situation to death. I asked her if she would please call if she is going to be that late so I don't worry about her. Then I told her I hoped she had a good time, and that it was good that she went and talked to someone. I am getting good at plan A, because when I leave I feel that I have one the battle for that day. She expected me to have fit and question her. I did not do that, so I won. The more battles you can win in that nature, the better off you are towards the recovery stage. Do I sound like I am on the right track?<p>Is it true that the more people that know what is going on, makes the recovery period able to start sooner? Does this burst the bubble around the A and let reality hit them in the face? People are starting to find out about the A where my W works. She denied the whole thing and told them that it was a terrible rumor and that peoples jobs and reputation were on the line. She asked them to stop spreading such rumors. But people know. The OM is an assistant district attorney. I would think that he would be smart enough to realize that if enough people find out, his job could be on the line.<p>Has anyone heard of their WS stopping the A for a while to let things cool down and then start back up again? This has gone through my mind. My W said that they have not seen each other for 5 weeks, but she really never went into depression like I read about. She was sad a little, but not depressed, unless she is hiding it. <p>Well, I will have more questions later. Thanks for reading and caring, what a great place to know you have people to talk to. Thanks!!

Hurtin,<p>Understand that Plan A is NOT about your W, it's about YOU, YOU, YOU!!!<p>What I believe that means is that you take a look at your part in the degredation of your M, you take responsibility for your part, and you fix YOU. You need to decide if you're the person, man, husband that you want to be. If not, then work on changing those things that you don't like. It's not about changing some behaviors to suit your W desires, any changes of that nature will only be temporary. I'm talking about LIFE CHANGES.<p>If your W happens to notice these changes and approve, then that's all the better - BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT PLAN A IS ALL ABOUT.<p>The rest of Plan A deals with trying to make a habit of meeting your W emotional needs (EN), and not love busting (LB). Those are the only parts that deal directly with your W.<p>Remember, this isn't about winning or losing, it's about saving your marriage.<p>I think you did a good job in not pinning her down with a bunch of questions. The last thing she needs is to KNOW that you're snooping around her business. These are all lessons she has to learn by herself.<p>Yes, the idea is that once the A hits the light of day, that reality begins to set in. That the A suffers the scrutiny of society, and that causes the downfall of many A.<p>Know that this is no short ride. Many people have been here for many months, some for years. That's why focusing on YOU is so incredibly important. Read all you can from this site, and think about reading "Surviving an Affair." It's available from the site bookstore.<p>I hope this helps a little.<p>Kev