I really blew it tonight. I think everything has just been piling up. First my daughter backing the Grand Am into the Bronco, then Nutmeg dying, then the van breaking down and now my daughter getting into another accident(everyone was ok--not her fault, but mistakes made). Then my H calls tonight and talks to all the kids, tells MEg to bring his Bronco in for repairs, and proceeds to tell the little kids that he connected the X box up to his new Big screen TV. <p>He hasn't talked to them since before Christmas, yet here he comes--Mr. Wonderful telling the kids how much he misses them, how he can't wait to see them, Blah, blah, blah, I really hate him!!!<p>I got into an argument with my daughter over the Bronco. I told her to let him take his own vehicle in. My daughter, however, wants that vehicle and will do whatever to get it. I am worried about who will have to pay the bill.<p>I have had creditors calling me all week. Oh....I hate him. I am turning into this hateful women...and I don't like it. Yesterday I felt so good and tonight.....I could .....oh well. Guess I am venting. I am so tired of handling everything.

Hugz MnM,<p>Seems like when it rains, it pours. You certainly are having your share of showers. So the H is skipping out on his bills but can spring for a large screen TV? Hm.... can't the bill collectors call him? Just a thought. <p>The kids may be swayed for a while but it is temporary. They do know who really loves them vs bribes. <p>I am sorry to see you soo sad. Keep venting here K? <p>L.

MnM...don't get too down... that is what tomorrow is for... another day... another chance to shine [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>REMEMBER TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU... (do I sound like a broken record???) It is the only way you will survive... take care of yourself...<p>
Cali

Thank you guys...I am sitting here crying...why is this happening? And why is he getting away with it?<p>I am sitting here trying to make sense of my (our lives). I am going to have to sell our house. My H. will probably get the other house. I still need a new car....and I feel absolutely miserable.<p>I try to stay strong...but everyday it is something else and it is so hard. I am still hurting. I was doing ok until I passed their apt this afternoon...that was about the time Mandy called about the accident. I can't believe that happened...we just got the van back after having repairs done for the last 3 weeks or so. I am so thankful that she is ok...but the thought of going through more estimates and insurance and all that mess--it is more than I can stand. <p>And to be honest, it really hurts when he calls my daughter on her cell phone to discuss issues we should be discussing and then criticises me for not getting him checks to pay the bills.....etc. etc. etc. I am so sick of this. Two of his brothers called the other night and I had all I could do to keep from crying. J is trying to help with our financial mess and Jon called to say how sorry he was about everything. HE wishes he could do something. He said that he and J is other brother in Maine have always admired me. He said that they knew that I had raised these kids and supported and loved my H. Why don't they say that to him then? I just don't understand this?<p>I got a wonderful letter from one of our former commanders. He wrote a long wonderful letter giving me his support and love. He said that he and his wife knew I had been there for him and they were praying for me. He said that he had lived in a broken from the time he was 12 on and knew how difficult it is for both me and the kids. If everyone sees this...why doesn't my H? I think I am just going to go to bed and cry tonight....hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. Thank you all for your support...I am so sorry to be so down tonight. I hope you are all doing ok. Pat

Pat,<p>Don't answer the phone and don't let kids answer phone, put a nice message saying something along the lines of....Hi you have reached 747-0000 if you are trying to reach Mr.A$$#0!# he may now be reached at 343-0000, Any one else please leave a message after the tone. Thank You and have a nice day!<p>It will releive you of some of the stress that his stupidity is causing for you. If he calls and gets angry, too bad he didn't notify those that he needed to of his change off residence. And you are being kind enough to inform those calling of the change.<p>I guess I am not in a very nice mood tonight either. I just look at all the time WH is taking to spend with OW and how that is taking time from his childern.<p>Dawn

I forgot to tell you what I did tonight....I just lost it about him tonight.. After the police officer left...H called and I just lost it. I was so mad at him...he should be here with us.<p>I cussed and swore about him in front of the kids.I know that is not good...but I was just so fed up. I am so angry that he can just leave us like this. I am so tired of having to deal with everything...and he can just call up and tell them "Oh I miss you and love you and bought an X box for You". I hate this so much. I know I need to let go...and I do ok most days...but tonight I just feel so crappy.

Hi Dawn,<p>He didn't call on our phone tonight. He called my daughter's phone. He is doing something with her and that Bronco. <p>At this point, I have reached the point where I just hate him....and I know that is wrong....but that is truely how I feel right now.<p>The anger is bad...because he uses that against me. I know it is not good for me. I can let it slide for just so long and then all these emotions just explode. I hate that he has that kind of control over my life. This is going to be hard. No matter how hard I try to get him out of my life...he is back in my face.<p>He has seen the kids on two ocasions since last summer (actually two more if I include the two soccer games he went to). Outside of that, he hasn't done anything. And I am tired.

Pat,<p>I remember that WBG had that new awesome community center, take the little ones and go swimming tomorrow night, go walking or something, go hit a punching bag and imagine that it is....<p>Hey did you know that Friday is P.O.E.T.S. day?
Piss On Everything Tomorrow is Saturday!!!<p>Just wanted to make you laugh and to put life backj into prospective for you!!<p>D

miserynmissouri.<p>{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}<p>Yep sometimes life just sucks. What I find helps the most is to just give it all up to God. Tell him I cannot handle this so it's in his hands. Then I go bed. I don't know how it happens, but somehow things work out the next day.<p>As for your H coming in a Mr. Wonderful out of the blue.... don't kid yourself. The kids get it. They know that he has not been around when they needed him, for the holidays, etc. However, they are trying to deal with the knowledge that their dad does not love them enough to be there for them on a daily basis. Kids handle this by trying harder to get him to love them. I see it all the time with the step-children. Just give the kids the room they need to work this out on their own. When he calls, just remind yourself that all the "Mr. Wonderful" he does cannot make up for his leaving and not taking a regular interest in them. Your children know. <p>And your anger... ah, I've been there with my XH. It is awful. It's a cancer. And the angrier you get the more it will hurt you. What I have found is that the best revenge is living and doing well. A couple of weeks ago my X called to complain that our son is telling him all sorts of wild stories about the wonderful life we have in our family... places we go, trips we will are planning to take this year, things we all do together at home. When I answered him, "Yes, that's an accurate depiction of our life these days." he actually got angry at me. As though living well and being happy is a bad thing. Boy did I enjoy that [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . He still cannot believe that I am not pining for him.<p>My XH is getting remarried soon. I am contemplating sending his poor bride a sympathy card. But then better her then me.

I know how you feel.... sometimes the hate/anger is sooo very strong... I was told by my therapist that the anger is really sadness coming out. What she told me to do ... when this happens... is try to bring up the sadness to level yourself off. (trust me easier said than done)<p>ok... now about the bill collectors... when the bill comes, change all the info to his address and phone number....also get a answering machine and set it on two rings... tell your friends/kids and family to talk if the machine picks up... or get caller id...... then you don't have to speak to them....<p>The exh's always play the disneyland dad/mom thing. yep... I shop for deals for the kids like at walmart and such... my ex goes and get gifts from the expensive stores.... PIG thats what he is...(I'm venting...lol)<p>Keep your chin up kid.... I know its hard... when my ex first left... he took out a $2000.00 loan to take his wh**e on a vacation... yep... I'm crying... down 65lbs and they sent the loan papers to me on accident.... I hate to say this... but you're on the emotional rollercoaster of your life..... I've been there ..... I still feel that if they came to my door somedays... and told me he was dead... I'd say.."give me the shovel" yep.... I want to be sure the dirt is packed down tight...LOL and then other days the sadness is there... <p>I just don't understand why we have all the pain.
I hope you're seeing a therapist for you and on a antidepressant that will also help with the anxiety. Ya won't be on it forever... but its helps with the sleep... and will help ya through this time.<p>s

Oh, Pat...
I know how angry and frustrated you are feeling right now. I really wish that I could just be there, if for nothing else, but moral support. I am SO glad your daughter is okay, and I think you have done a wonderful job of being the(ADULT) in this situation. I also feel that over the last few monthes you have proven yourself a very strong self-reliant person who IS morally strong enough to overcome this. And there are alot of people here, and there too , who care about you and support you.

Hmmm... Can you sit the oldest kids down and talk to them and explain that they need to get jobs and help out now that all this is happening? That is, if they are not working yet? That way, at least they will have $$ for their activities & perhaps even their clothing... Think about it, in case you have not already.<p>Another thing and I'm sure it will not go over well with your daughter, but it doesn't sound to me like she is fit to be driving yet. I'm sorry.<p>Maybe SHE should pay for the car to be fixed so she can appreciate somebody's hard-earned dollar. See, I don't know about anyone else's kids, but MY teenager does NOT appreciate my hard-earned dollar, but he sure does appreciate HIS hard-earned dollars.<p>IMHO, if she wants to drive that car, she needs to pay for it when crap happens, just like every other grown-up, responsible driver. You're taking on too much and you need a break.

MnM,<p>glad your D is alright, mine liscencs expired & I can't affor the insurance, so it is nice him not driving but it would be nice too. don't know how my H thinks I could work & still be the same kind of mom I always was<p>but what I wanted to say is it sounds like you are holding so much anger in against your H, that when he sets you off you just lose it. no matter what he does you can't lose it in front of your kids, no matter what kind of low life scum bag he is he is still their dad, my idea that I use lots, journal it write him letters you don't have to send them but get out the anger, it is like posion eating away at you<p>for the most part i don't say anything about the STBX & OW to the boys, I do throw out digs, that I shouldn't but I try<p>as far as the kids & your H buying the big time gifts, even the young ones know, too long of story to go into but my boys see the OW often, STBX lives with her, Thanksgiving wk they spent with thier dad, & as OW refused to let STBX go visit his parents or go with him, my children got to spend Tday with her family, so Christmas they recieved gifts from her family (really ticks me off) but the boys came home laughing that these people they don't know gave them gifts, saying well at least something good came of this, but they know their acceptance is being bought. then the next wkend they were at their dad's OW brough my STBX some clothes, OS was trying to talk his dad out of a shirt, OW says I'll go get you one, so she did plus 2 more, OS comes home laughing and saying something about only being semi pleasant to her, if she keeps buying him clothes<p>my long belabored point kids know<p>hope things go better for you, enjoy your weekend<p>sorry for the spelling been staying up with OS while he trys & finish his drawing for the rodeo

Hello MiM, How are you doing today? I'm thinking about you and praying that things get better. You have received some wonderful advice. I agree that the kids should start trying to help you. Don't be afraid to ask for it. You NEED to have help and it can't be your H right now. Show him that you don't need him. Show him that there are others that will step up to the plate and help you.<p>I know it's hard but you HAVE to do it. I'm thinking of you.

Dear MNM,
I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I know this is painful, and you must love your husband very much to have put up with all of this so far. I have followed your threads - you have been a big inspiration to me as I work Plan A. The greatest comfort I get out of this plan is knowing that I have given this MY BEST effort. I know that you are too. Hang in there. Anger is a part of the grieving process. Actually, its not a bad emotion. It just feels that way. Sometimes I would rather feel the anger than the pain. Anger comes before acceptance. I'm starting to get there myself. I know we will vascillate back and forth, but you are getting there. Once we get into the acceptance, I believe peace will come. You deserve MUCH, MUCH more than you are getting. Educators have SO much impact on so many future lives. And remember too, you have absolutely no power or control over your H alcoholism (which is keeping him from thinking clearly). So don't beat yourself up about getting angry. I'll bet you are hurting yourself WAY MORE over this than he is. I think you are entitled, it is a normal part of recovery, and that you are doing yourself a disservice to berate yourself for it. You have so much to offer the world. Hang in there.

*hugs to you, MnM* <p>Rose Red

Hi MnM sorry im a day behind, hope you are feeling a bit better today.
All the bad things seem to pile up in one day dont they.
Im so sorry you are feeling so much pain, the anger is understandable you are going through so much.
(((((((MnM))))))) i feel so much of what you are going through, maybe the age thing? but i feel ive been cast aside like an old shoe dont know about you.
Take care hun you are a good person, its his loss maybe he will realise that one day.
Liz

Oh my gosh,<p>I just got home from a cub scouts meeting. First time I was able to check here today. Thank you all so very much....such great advice and your love and support can be felt even through cyberspace. You really made my day. <p>I am doing better. STill feel a little guilty about last night. I know what I did wrong--I stayed up Wednesday nite until almost 2:15 and then had to get up at 6 to leave for the seminar in KC. I just can't do that anymore. I have to have more sleep, or I can't handle all the emotions of our life here. I just really have to be more disciplined. <p>Thank you all for your support. It is so sad so many of us are going through this. It makes me so sad. I wish I could be on anti-depressants--I think that would help, but I am worried that my H would use that somehow in court....so I am not going to do that now. I think I will be ok. This Sunday I am starting another Divorce Recovery type class---but this time it is in Warrensburg--so that will be great. I don't have the finances anymore to go to counseling...but this will help. And I don't know what I would do without the support you all have shown me here. <p>It is nice to know that this anger is not abnormal. Sometimes, I feel like I could explode. Maybe that is what I have to go through to distance myself from him emotionally. <p>I went over and looked at the townhouses they are building next to our subdivision. They really are nice. It is kind of sad tho--because you can see our house from them. They are definitely smaller--but large for a townhouse. The best thing is no yardwork. It takes about 4 hours to mow our lawn. It is also hard to take care of all the shrubs. We would have to get rid of a lot of stuff---but maybe decluttering my life will be good for me and the kids.<p>The kids have all really been pitching in. My oldest daughter works at Sonics and makes more than I do teaching...she really does. She has been paying for a lot of things this year..my 16 year old is looking for work. Hopefully, she will find something soon. My 10 year old has always been ambitious. She started walking dogs in the neighborhood a couple of years ago. They really are great kids for the most part.<p>The policeman from yesterday just called and he got the man's name, insurnce co, and phone number for me. Bless his heart. He is going to send me a copy of the accident report. Now, I guess I should call the insurance co.<p>You know, when I finally went to bed last night, I really felt like I couldn't handle anymore and I prayed that God would help me get through this mess. You're right Zorweb, things did look better this morning. I had a good day teaching. I am thankful for my kids and work and friends. Things could definitely be worse. Well, it is ten...and I think I am going to try and catch up on some sleep tonight. Thank you everyone again for your posts and concern. I am a little calmer today--thank goodness!! Keep me in your prayers tho----I have an appt with dragon lawyer on Monday at 1---scary!!

MnM,<p>glad you had a good day. hope your wkend is also. don't let the dragon lawyer get to you, remember you are paying him.<p>your OD really makes more than you do by working at Sonic, maybe I should go check it out instead of trying to finish up the cerfication.<p>enjoy your wkend

MnM,<p>Glad that things are looking better and you had a good Friday. Are sub for our aide didn't show up today, so the teacher had to teach,novel! Which meant I had to do everything else!! Oh well!<p>You need to call tricare about counseling, you should be covered and there isn't any co-pay. I know it may be different cuz your H is retired , but that is what it is for prime and you should be prime, I think you make a once a year payment of $480 or something close to that, if the kids are covered so are you and if not get on H case immeadiately! Thought I would pass the info on.
Have a great weekend!! <p>Dawn