I had posted about this a while back.<p>That I was concerned over my feelings about a co-worker. I have not told my husband as of yet, I have been trying to but the opportunity just has not come.<p>One thing I have been trying to do was avoid work. (Like that is adult) But only the shift where I will work with him. There are cut backs and sometimes my employer will ask if I will give up hours, so I do. <p>Well my H is seeming not to pleased by this decision of mine. For day to day living the money is not an issue, but he has some extras planned that he would like to do. <p>Basically I am torn, I am lying to my H. But I don't want to hurt him. I feel like I am taking the proper percautions, but making him made in the end. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Sad Girl<p>A couple of suggestions...<p>Read some of the stuff at this site about marriage building and relationships.<p>Then read some of the stuff posted here by BSs and WSs...notice the pain that an A can cause...it is truly a life-changing experience for everyone involved.<p>Then sit down with your H and tell him what you have told us. If you can accomplish that w/o becoming involved in an EMA consider yourself and your H fortunate.<p>Talk with your H about what is going on in your life and your relationship. Consider marriage counseling. Consider looking for a different job.<p>Do all of this B-4 you get to the point that many here are at.<p>You have an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your H. Take advantage of the opportunity.<p>Good luck <p>E

Thankyou Elad, Actually I am an old member posting under a different name, in case my H reads on the site.<p>I understand that I should be honest with him, I have never hid anything from him before.

TheSadGirl<p>
You know your husband. How could you approach him on this so that he will help you handle it. Has he had an affair? If so, perhaps he will be more understanding then you expect since he's been there.<p>Isn't there a way to tell him that you are experiencing inappropriate feelings for a guy at work. That you have not acted on them. You have not control over your feelings. You do have control over your actions… so far you have done well controlling them. Tell your H and ask him to help you handle it. Tell him you need his strength too. And then to both of you need to look at your marriage again to see why you are feeling this way. Some of needs are not being met at home. Which ones are they?<p>I recently I have been thinking of revenge affairs. What I realized is that it is not that I want to have one. But that I am seeking a way to fill the residual hole, or heal the pain, from his affairs. As good as we are doing, I am going through a period of having an empty hole that I cannot fill. So these thoughts of an affair is simply my mind wandering about what I could do to fill that hole. The thoughts scare me. So I’ve been telling my H about it. He and I have been exploring things that will help me through this phase. Telling about something takes the power of it away.

SadGirl,<p>if you are an old member here, then you know the pain that both the BS & WS go through<p>if only my STBX had come to me, even he admits that when he started being unhappy, he should have said something, and when he started having feelings for a co worker he should have done somthing but he didn't & now 3 yrs later he is living with her, and we have done much damage to OS<p>a friend of mine's H, admitted feelings about a co worker when she was expecting thier 2nd child, she said for a yr it was bad, & they didn't do any king of counseling, they should have<p>but you are not saving your H from pain or grief by not telling him, read this site again, see if you can get him to take the EN ?'s as he must not be meeting your needs, <p>good luck and thier are lots of people here who can help you, call the Harleys, they can most likely help you make a plan, you need a plan

He won't take the EN quiz, we own every Harley book, he won't even glance. <p>He knows everything but my feelings about the co-worker. All my needs, my unhappiness, I came to MB on the verge of a divorce and things really got better there for a while. I love him with all my heart and would never ever take this a step further. <p>Maybe it is because of every thing I have read and experienced here, that I feel so intune to why I am feeling the way I do.<p>I am torn. I know what I have to do, but I cannot bring myself to do it.<p>I don't talk to this man, I avoid eye contact, will not go to any work functions without my H. I have worked with this man for over 10 years, so I know it is not just attraction, or I would have done something about it before I married my H. It is all about how I am feeling inside.

TheSadGirl,<p>Maybe then the thing to do right now is to focus on your marriage. It sounds to me like your H needs a shaking up. The way things are going, your love for him is going to die over time. You already know that this attraction is just a warning sign that the love is going.<p>Did your have have an affair? Is that why you were here on MB to start with? If you need to talk in private because he might recognize you, please feel free to email me at the address on my signature.

There were no affairs, I wish I could say who I am that way I would get even more ideas.

There may be a way for you to get some of the oldtimers to help you out. Go to the email exchange section,
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000332&p=4<p>Send some emails to some of the people you know can help you, or you want to talk to. Tell them who you are. <p> I know it is a long shot but it is one way. Feel free to email me as well. My email is always at the bottom of my posts. We can find a way to know who you are without certian people knowing.<p> You have a golden opportunity right now to not go the way of an A. Please do whatever it is you must to stop that from happening. <p> jd