[ January 11, 2002: Message edited by: lizzle ]
Please see below Kam kindly moved it to this board as i posted on D/D in error<p>[ January 11, 2002: Message edited by: lizzle ]</p>

Here you go...you just cut and paste. If you want to delete the other, just go edit it and leave it blank, but for a period or an "oops".<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>lizzle Member
Member # 12331
posted January 11, 2002 02:42 PM
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Hi all i could really use some opinions on this, my last post at new year i was almost sure i had had enough and was ready to throw in the towel.
After 18 months i felt iwas getting nowhere fast, i wanted H to come home and he would not so i figured i had wasted enough time and needed to move on.<p>I have tried to talk to H and find out if OW is the life for him and if he knows she is i would rather he told me we are over and he would never come back so that i could move on.<p>But while he says that would be the most peaceful option for him it still seems he dosent want that.
I still cant grasp why he isint with her full time or met her kids yet.<p>I was hurting so badly when i wrote my last post, he had told my sister he no longer loved me.
Talking to him today i realise i have been the LB Queen and that has probably sent him to her more than anything.<p>I have let my hurt show too much, its so hard when he is wearing things she bought or stupid things like a key on his keyring that has a heart on it saying my heart belongs to you.
It feels like he hurts me as much as he can sometimes.<p>Anyway the upshot is she is all sweetness and light and im a nag (never was before the A)
But he is not ready to end the M or the A.
So we have agreed to see each other a couple of times a week.<p>Ive got to stop LB and H has agreed to put a bit of effort back in.
We have agreed to lead separate lives the rest of the time, am i mad to agree to this???<p>I just feel that while he is not talking D and still comes around maybe there is some hope.
I think it was Lupo said on my last post, that i was better off than a lot here as H was not living with OW and was not talking D.<p>And it was probably the time of year that was making me feel so negative.
I just cant let go of what we had, somehow if i try really hard to get back the person i know he did love maybe he will choose to come home.<p>Any opinions will be welcome please, i just feel if i give up now im handing my H to her on a plate.
I have done some very good plan A and then ruined it with LB and thats what sticks in his mind,
Now ive got to undo that damage if i can.
Liz<p>SORRY FOLKS POSTED THIS ON THI BOARD IN ERROR SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON GQ11
No one on here will know me or my story<p>[ January 11, 2002: Message edited by: lizzle ]<p>--------------------<p>lizzle
The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else<p>
Female/47/England
married 21 years, together 26 years, S age 18 D age 16.
DD 16 June 00 A still ongoing.
OP Female 35 Yrs 2 kids 7&9 Divorced since meeting my H.
H & i Separated 06/09/01.
H lives alone at the moment.<p>
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Posts: 148 | Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged <hr></blockquote>

Hi Kam
thanx so much for that, my typings not up to much and did not fancy typing it all again.
Liz

<strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Ive got to stop LB and H has agreed to put a bit of effort back in. We have agreed to lead separate lives the rest of the time, am i mad to agree to this???<hr></blockquote></strong><p>Hi, Lizzle,
No, I don't think you're mad. I've got to applaud you for finally "getting it." It's a good thing, too!! This Plan A behavior can help you, too, become a better person. NO ONE wants to be around a nagging, B**CHY shrew. I'm NOT calling you those things, BUT THAT SURE DESCRIBES ME!!! <p>I am learning to take things easy, NOT get upset over the "small stuff" - and be kinder, quieter. Too little, too late for my M? I hope not, but if so, then I will implement them in other areas of my life.<p>I hope you realize what a gift this "second chance" is for you!!! If, after a YEAR AND A HALF of LB's, your H is STILL willing to "put a bit of effort in" - I hope you realize how incredible that is?!?!?!?!?<p>My WH LEFT without a hint in May. Filed for D. the week before. He has never looked back (in my estimation). That's not quite 8 months. By the time 18 months goes by, I could be D'ed. It doesn't appear I will get a "second chance" to fix what I screwed up in my M. YOU, however, apparently are getting a chance!! DOn'T BLOW IT!!! <p>Study, read, learn, and practice MB principles and concepts. NOTHING else gives you the success rate of this. YOU ARE NOT TOO FAR GONE to fix this, with H's help!! ANd it sounds like he's willing to be willing (if nothing else). This is excellent news! I hope you are overjoyed. Now get to "Plan A'ing" WOMAN!!!!! <p>God Bless,

Wow, Lizzle,<p>I think that is so exciting for you. IT will be hard....but I think worth the effort. You know, when you spend that much time with someone..it is hard to move on. And I don't know how you start over. It frightens me. I invested so much in my marriage and I really thought and hoped we would be together forever.<p>It wasn't perfect...but we were a family...and a strong one. <p>I hope you have the strength it will take to get through this. I will keep you in my prayers----GOOD FOR YOU [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi MnM thanx for your reply im glad you think its worth a shot, i think most of my friends and family think im mad to have given H this long to sort himself out, they cant grasp MB principles.
Hope you are feeling a bit happier today, i felt so hurt for you on your last post.<p>Hi lupolady im so glad you replied to my post, i love your posative attitude, it was your post back to me at new year that got me thinking.<p>I have been an angry Shrew you are right, the 26 years we had that i was laid back and not a moaner dont count its the person i have become that H sees, and that has not been to pleasant at times.<p>At anytime during the last 18 months H could have walked away completely, or since i threw him out he could have moved in with OW.
But for reasons only he knows he is still living alone.<p>Maybe deep down he has doubts about OW but i know he would not tell me if he has!!!
He may not be madly in love with me but i do think he cares, so i have to settle for that as best i can.<p>If i truely thought he would be happier with OW then maybe i could let go but i have big doubts.
Not sure why just a gut feeling.<p>All i know is i love my H with all my heart and soul and im not ready to give up on our M.
We did have a good M other people wanted a relationship like ours.
It wasent perfect but it was good.<p>I really think H is in MLC, its just a case of hoping he comes out of it ok,
But at the end of the day he will choose to spend the rest of his life with one of us and if its not me at least i will know i did all i could.
Liz

just giving a gentle bump