Things are going very well for the most part. I am very excited about our wedding anniversary on Monday--we are going to a special restaurant for dinner and I AM leaving work early to get ready!!<p>Just wondering if any "oldies" can tell me if some of what I am feeling is normal? I don't know whether to describe it as temptation or self-sabotaging thoughts. It seems like lately my feelings can swing inappropriately when I think of some men friends. I do not EVER desire to repeat my mistake again and have no intentions of pursuing anyone other than H.<p>I will admit work has been very hectic and up till not too long ago the office environment was very unpleasant (we are in transition with staff but seems the wrinkles are ironing out)<p>I wonder if this is some kind of self-doubt...accusing thoughts like "I can't ever be 'clean' again"..."I am going to screw up because I am a failure" I know those are lies. <p>I am not acting on the impulses and honestly battling thoughts and purposely focussing on H--who also has worked hard this week and is all stiff and sore so my need for SF is burning and he is more on simmer due to pain [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Am I making any sense? Is it a normal stage? I know I am strong and I did share my concern with H so he would know I need him more right now than ever. He also really peeled back some of the layers last night about OM and finally could refer to him by his first name and not "F*rtface" as he usually does (it doesn't bother me as I don't believe I have any feelings left for him.)<p>Appreciate your insights!<p>buildnewlife@yahoo.ca

Hey FS,<p>Just wanting to wish you a happy anniversary. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] This may be way different but I remember back when I and W were first married that I had to battle a lot of thoughts of OW and over the years those memories subsided. There are a few left tho that still haunt me once in a while. Keep up that conversation and have a great time together.<p>In His strength,
knight

freshstart,<p>I don't think you are really off. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
I felt the same way. I am the BS and we are almost at the two year mark for d-day. It really does take the two years to recover. Not that I dont think about it every now and then or have triggers, I do. It just doesn't hurt as much anymore. I can't speak for the WS side because i don't think he would tell me that he was thinking of OW.

Thank you both for your thoughts and reassurance. <p>Knight, I didn't realize there was an OW in your past. Glad to know for you and also for you, Cleo that there is a coming to terms with it.<p>Cleo, thank you for the reminder that really although in some ways, a year is a long journey, two years brings more time for healing. <p>I cried to H the other night because to me, it seems I will never be free from the stigma of being a wayward spouse. I would never let another WS away with that if I were trying to help them but guess sometimes we are hardest on ourselves. I don't think it's that I need to beat myself up about it. Maybe it's really a good test--I am standing strong and protecting myself.<p>There are things to celebrate. I love how I can alone time and H can trust me completely--and that I can trust myself. H suggested I get a much needed visit to my hairdresser in and afterward, I shopped a bit, went and washed my car and vacuumed (it's fairly mild even for northern Canada--but then relatively speaking our city is not as far north as other places.)Anyway, when I came home (he took kids to the show), they asked where I was and I could tell the truth. <p>It's mostly about one very special friend and maybe it's a reminder that I really can't spend time alone with any man. He took me for coffee the other night after he volunteered where I work. Please don't roll your eyes but he is like a brother to me. But because I was teaching a training session and had gone out for lunch, I knew I looked great--had taken more time with my makeup and clothes that day. I noticed that Friend noticed this over coffee. It was nice to have him to myself but it felt too scary. He would never say a word and I would never get involved because a) I've learned my lesson and more than that, a+) I love H and b) losing Friend from our family is not worth it.<p>I guess I should choose not to dwell on it. As it turns out, H's soreness from work was not a hindrance to his giving me some significant attention after all [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks again for helping me figure this out.

One good rule to follow(my H and I do this), We never go out with a member of the opposite sex without getting approval from eachother first. Also, being alone in a private setting with a member of the oopposite sex is not a good idea. So, we have coffee or lunch in a public place unless both of us will be home. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I know better too. It's one of the first rules we agreed to after d-day and also one of the first rules I learned here. You know, I had this feeling I should phone H and ask him to come. We did go to a very busy coffee shop but that was still a bad idea. It turns out H was out for coffee with pastor.<p>Tonight we are going over as a family and I have been praying it will be normal. I know it will. I think it was one of those dangerous moments and I need to heed the signal and not assume I can step outside the box.<p>Thanks for keeping me accountable, Cleo. It is also a reason I shared with H and here--it hurts to be this honest but I know I am still in recovery.<p>Hugs! FS

Cleo, just an update that things went really well at Friend's place. He is going to look after our girls while we go on our anniversary dinner date. He is very trustworthy so no worries. We had planned to go out early as the girls are old enough and responsible to be alone for a few hours.<p>I learned some lessons this week. I have always believed that rules actually help one to greater freedom. This week has been a reminder to me not to break the rules.<p>There is one other situation but it is being resolved and through lessons learned this week, I know to detach myself and treat it professionally.<p>The only little worry now and hopefully it is not a big deal is that in a week or so I have lunch with a Catholic priest--H knows-and it is work related--it is at a College in the cafeteria. It is very rare but occasionally for networking (our agency is being pursued to let them partner with us and it will benefit us) I have to have coffee or lunch with clients. Generally, it's women. Because I am a Christian and former pastor, I hope things will go fine. H is not really as free with his schedule as I am or I would ask him to join us. I guess I am not really worried but feel a little anxious that I keep things professional. <p>Life is not boring anyway!!