Does anybody else have nightmares about the OP? I wake up from them shaking because they seem so real. Last night's was a doozy. I woke twice and went right back to the nightmare when I fell back to sleep. The third time it woke me, my H asked what was wrong and I told him to just go back to sleep. I'm up, had my coffee and I still can't shake this feeling. Do I tell H when he wakes? I know he'll ask. Is it an LB to tell?

I think nightmares are pretty common. Have you read the book: "After the Affair" by Janis Abhrams? She talks about the BS reaction being similiar to post traumatic stress syndrome. Nightmares are part and parcel of the whole deal.<p>Do you tell? Well it depends. Are you in recovery? (Is the affair over and is he truely committed through word and action to rebuilding) or is he still actively in the affair?<p>Lovebusting is always determined by your spouse. If your H is actively engaged in infidelity, your telling will very likely be a lovebuster - or he just plain won't care.<p>In recovery though, if you have agreed to Radical Honesty...then you need to tell.<p>I have the nightmares. I don't wake up everytime and tell my H and tell him what I dreamed. I have simply let him know that the nightmares continue. On days when I am really having a rough time, I'll simply say: I had a nightmare about you and OW last night. I don't beat him up or try to make him feel guilty. I just stay factual and I don't dump alot of emotion on him. That seems to be working for us. When he knows thats why I am very down and depressed, he's not stressed out wondering if there is something that he is currently doing that is causing my depression. And then he lets me deal with it in my own way without alot of pressure.

Oh darlin, you're talking to the QUEEN of nightmares! When and if I remember them, they are painful, hard to shake off and if I let them, can haunt for the entire day. In fact I had one last night where OW was the epitomy of Stepford Wife. I went over to her house and she was busy cooking a meal for her entire family while my H sat in the back yard with them all looking perfectly happy. It sucked, but you know what? It's all about how I chose to let it affect me. I can think about it for a bit, allow it to annoy me, but it certainly isn't going to ruin my day or my life. <p>I've read about something that may work, but I haven't tried it yet. As you are drifting off to sleep, repeat to yourself over and over what type of dream you would like to have that night. Also keep telling yourself that you will remember them. My mother has tried this and swears it works!<p>As for telling your H about your nightmares, I think Bramblerose hit the nail on the head. Heed that advice!<p>Take care!
VE

Thanks for the advice girls. H left for work and didn't even noticed I looked like a rung out rag. No need to answer, he didn't ask.
As far as where we are in our marriage I don't even know. He swears he's commited to it but actions speak a different story.
And so another day in the life. God speed

Must be something in the air. I had a dream (nitemare) about H and the OW last nite. I'll try your trick venusenvy and let you know if it works. I'm also going to get the book you recommended BrambleRose. Thanks [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

My H doesn't want to hear about it or anything that upsets me about his A or the OW. He wants to play it off as nothing ever happened and I have an over active imagination. That's why he's living at his mother's and not at home. I'm trying to figure out which plan I'm in. I think it's Plan C for confusion. <p>I understand what you mean about actions speaking louder than words totally-lost. I hope it gets betetr for you soon.

Hey,
I shared all my nightmares and those my son had with H. Even when he was a WS. He was having some also. My sons are scary. Mine were like those mini series. Every other it would do a replay then pick up and continue. That was sooo weird. It went on like that for about 3-4 weeks. <p>I still shake at night and talk in my sleep. (oops now you know an inner most secret!! LOL! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ). My thing is to share if you can. They need to know how deeply all this stuff is affecting you. <p>L.