All the info on MB website talks about time and the stages. That is also what she is asking for (before, during, and since the affair)Ive been trying to let her have it but it is killing me, especially when she still works with the OM. She wants time and space without me. How can we get through a cruise vacation with our 3 kids in two weeks. One day at at time, one moment at a time. accepting today as it is, not as I would have it. Accepting things the way they are and her attitude/apathy to me and the marriage is so hard and painful. Its goes against every grain in my body and mind

In actuality, panaju, time is going to be your friend... patience is the key... and if you aren't a patient person... then with ever fibre of your being... develop some...<p>Most affairs disintegrate w/in 6 months after d-day... some may take as long as 2 years... You cannot push or pull WS into recovery... time and your plan A may do that...<p>You must focus on you. Take care of yourself... do some soul searching... how did you help create the environment of your marriage... develop a plan to change the things you think must be changed... these changes ARE NOT to bring WS back... but should be changes you know are needed... plan A IS NOT about manipulation... but the smallest changes often lead to the greatest changes...<p>Cali

panaju,<p>As Cali so says patience....develope some!! It's hard oh so very hard. I've learned to develope patience and if I can do it anyone can. I've been at this for close to a year now. I pray and have turned all of this over to the Lord and I patiently wait for him to tell me what it is that I need to do...I still wait.<p>Bramblerose had a post a little while back entitled....Just for today...I've listed a link (I hope, I'm not good at this) I found it very hopeful, I hope she doesn't mind me re-posting it.<p>Good luck on the vacation!! Keep coming here and posting we've all been there or are going through it. There is awesome support to be had here you must reach out and let us know that you need it.<p>Dawn<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=014466

panaju --<p>I'm sorry for your pain; I can feel it right through the computer. You've already receive replys from two of the best posters on this site: Cali and Dawn (daybreak). I've learned that they can always be depended upon for insight and direction and much-needed perspective, so you've "lucked out" with those two!<p>If she wants "time and space without you," you've got to let her have it. My W said exactly the same thing and too many other spouses here have heard it also. Unfortunately, it's a way-too-common statement. It's also very hard to hear and harder to try to live with with her obvious apathy and unwillingness at this point. <p>You've got an amazingly sound attitude, however, which will help you and the children through. You talk about "one day/moment at a time" and "accepting things the way they are" = healthy and smart takes on the situation. Is it easy to put into practice: NO! But it's exactly what needs to take place for you so that you can hold things together...for the children and for yourself. None of it will be pleasant or simple, but it needs to be done if the family unit/marriage is to survive. <p>Read the PLAN "A" material elsewhere on this site; it's an excellent direction in which to go. It's especially difficult when your WS continues to work with the OM. Until your wife is "clear" of this A, she won't be able to devote any time or thinking or energy to your relationship = bottom line. So Time and Patience--my two favorite healing words--are being sent directly to you to absorb. Don't expect a recommitment or thawing of these icy temperatures until things have run their course. Give yourself some room here and start to work on yourself (more Plan "A" stuff). <p>Lots here to think about. You've got a good "read" already on what you need to do to survive this mess. Get some counseling and read the good stuff here and keep posting. We want to hear from you and know how you're doing. We do care...<p>Ammon

Panaju, <p>They are all right, Patience is THE KEY. Just read up on the MB stuff, and hold on tight.<p>They say time heals all wounds, well in our situations, it holds true. <p>Time and PATIENCE.<p>I wish you luck. & God Bless.<p>[ January 13, 2002: Message edited by: Torizo ]</p>