The short version... found out that my W was having an affair with one of my (former) best friends. His wife sent me e-mails confirming what I suspected for a while but was to naive to believe it (you know...the it can't happen to me attitude) and d-day was October 3. I am still devastated but doing the best I can to cope. I have done a lot of soul searching and have really tried to eliminate the love busters from our relationship and I think in general have done reasonably well because I really want our relationship to work out. I believe that all contact between W and OM has been broken off but can never be sure....she tells me they have not spoken. This lack of knowledge causes uncontrollable obsessiveness. Furthermore, the effort I have put into eliminating lovebusters has definitly not bee reciprocated. Both I and the kids (1 1/2 and 4 1/2) get beat emotionally on a daily basis. I sometimes have a hard time controlling myself from getting angry with her because how she is treating me and/or the kids. I know the is a BIG love buster, but how do I protect myself and the kids from this disrespect? I know it says on the website that it is typical for one party in a relationship to claim that the other's expectations are unreasonable but it really does seem that neither I nor the kids can do anything right. <p>Here is the question/s....has anyone been in this position that can coach me how to protect the kids while depositing love units and keeping from withdrawing them. Has anyone had a spouse that has been less than willing to work on things in the beginning do a 180 and get back into the relationship?<p>Thx, KAP

KAP --<p>Welcome to MB--I see this is your first post. I'm sorry for the situation in your life that has brought you here--it's very frustrating and painful--but you're doing the right thing in posting here. <p> What you describe as your responses and how you're thinking about things also seems sound and according to MB principles. It's so hard when one partner is trying to fit the pieces back together and the other seems disinterested and uninvolved--feels like you're doing it all yourself. It's also very common. <p>Your wife isn't where you are right now with this. Even if contact between W and OM is completely severed, there can still be feelings and emotions in your W which will interfere with her ability to work on your marriage--probably even prevent her work. Not what you want to hear but all too often the case. Until she's "clear" of the A, she won't be able to dig back in to your relationship. Give it time--give it patience. Continue to support her and love her and bite your tongue when she is rude or cruel or beating up on you and the kids. <p>Yes, WSs do 180s a lot, but not until they are clear of the issues. How long does it take?--as long as it takes! How long can you hold it together for yourself and your children...and for her?<p>Hang in there and please post again. We're here for you...<p>Ammon