Hi, I am very new to this board.
I need advice from whom ever will give it.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 12 years. We have an almost 4 year old and a 3 month old. My husband and I have a pretty good marriage. We communicate, we are best friends. we get along great, we support each other in just about every aspect with the exception that right now I am not working because of two young kids. So any ways to get to my story.
My husband frequents classmates.com to find his old high school friends. He has found many of them. Men and Women. So anyways he asked me about 2 & 1/2 months ago how I felt about him chatting with women from school. I told him I don't have a problem with it as long as he sets boundries and doesn't chat to much. Well they started out emailing each other a lot then they chatted on messenger. The chatting started out about an hour every other day then it got longer. Then it was about two hours every other day. Then almost every day. I started noticing that my husband was getting pretty excited every time he chatted with her. He never stopped talking to me. Nor did he ignore me. I saw most of what they chatted about. I didn't see alot of there emails. So anyways I started getting hurt by there constant chatting it had gotten way out of hand. So I confronted my husband about it and he said he wasn't doing any thing wrong and that there chat was very open and clean. I told him I didn't doubt that. BUT I did think they were starting to BOND and he said he wasn't. I also told him that he was offending me. So he said he would stay away for three days. Well that lasted about a day and a half. Then they were both back at it. I waited a few days and was Praying this whole time it was going on asking God for guidence. My gut was in so much pain from him spending the time with her. I finally went to him again 5 days after our first talk and told him I needed to go and stay at a hotel to think about our Marriage and he said NO. He said are you still upset about me chatting with Blank and I said YES and he said well I am not doing anything wrong. I said you are chatting way to much with her and it is hurting me. He said he didn't understand the first time that I was saying it was offending me. So he said he would stop if it meant I would leave him. He emailed her many times telling her what has happened. Letting her know he had to stop. And she emailed back saying that she would never bond nor would she ruin a marriage. So finally after two weeks of that garbage they havn't emailed each other since the 3rd. My husband wants so badly to keep chatting with her. and Doesn't think he ever did anything wrong. What advice do you have? Have you ever been in this situation? Please HELP with any advice. He told me he goes to her for Mental stimulation and emotional stimulation and that he really really enjoys her company. HELP ME PLEASE I feel like I have a husband who is going threw some life changeing stages. Hootowls1@Ivillage.com

Welcome to MB Mrs_Debra,<p>There are many people here who can support you through your situation. If you have not already done so, read the information on the main web site.<p>If your H respects your feelings and stops contact with this woman now, no serious harm has been done. If he does not, the stage is being set for an EA (emotional affair). Internet affairs and affairs with old high school friends are very common.<p>I don't want to alarm you, just let you know that your H is putting himself in a position to create serious problems for your M.<p>Affair or not, any activity that diverts a significant amount of emotional energy away from you and your M is a risk. Read the information about policy of joint agreement on the main site. If his devoting large amounts of time on the computer is upsetting to you, he needs to change what he is doing.<p>You wrote:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>He told me he goes to her for Mental stimulation and emotional stimulation and that he really really enjoys her company. <hr></blockquote><p>Tell your H that this response to a woman other than you is totally inappropriate and disrespectful of you. The only woman a married man should be getting emotional stimulation from is his W. He needs to stop this contact immediately.<p>This thread may provide something for you to think about.<p>RE: High School Sweethearts<p>The boards are slow on the weekend so keep checking back and "bump" your thread by typing "Bump" on a new post to your own thread if your are not getting many replies.<p>Keep talking to us, and you will get a lot of support. You are wise to come to MB early, before your H's behavior develops into a full-blown EA. <p>Take care,
Estes

Mrs_Debra--<p>Let me add my welcome also to that of Estes. You're in excellent company here and many from this community will be willing to share their thoughts and support with you to help you through this. <p>I agree with Estes' statement: "any activity that diverts a significant amount of emotional energy away from you and your M is a risk." I also agree that, "The only woman a married man should be getting emotional stimulation from is his W." GOOD STUFF, Estes! You've stated it beautifully!<p>He may not think he's doing anything wrong (and in fact may not be) but the undeniable fact is that it IS wrong because 1) it is inappropriate behavior with the wrong person; and 2) it's very upsetting and stressful to you = it's wrong!<p>You're on solid ground here with your feelings, as distressing as this is. Innocent behaviors can, all too easily, turn into not-so-innocent ones, even before the participants are aware of the change of dynamics. On this board, we've seen many instances of this, and frankly the odds favor illicit growth more than they should. <p>We're very glad you're here and we'll do all we can to shed light on this. Hang in and post again soon to let us know how you're doing. We're thinking about you...<p>Ammon

Mrs Debra,<p>I am sorry that you find yourself needing our help!! I am one that can truly feel the pain that you are going through. <p>I see that Estes directed you to the survey thread that she did last week or so. My situation is there.<p>I tried to explain to my WH that what he was doing was wrong and that he had cheated on me. He said "How" they lived in different states and hadn't seen each other in about 4 years. I explained that he was sharing things with Her that should have only been shared with his wife, and that was still me. Needless to say we are seperated now. <p>Read everything that is here, there is awesome info here. Also I site that I found helpful was:<p>http://128.121.203.65/hismidlifecrisis.html<p>Best Wishes,
Dawn

MRS Debra,
You are correct in your gut feelings. Always listen to your gut feelings!! The advice on here has been excellent and has just answered my own query I was going to print.
My H said MANY times that he would cut off all communication with the OW through the chats, emails, and phone calls. Never happened. The pull was too strong. So it continued until the fullblown ea/pa happened although it took awhile. I don't know how many times we had the hurtful conversation of why he had to spend so much time on the computer and he was so innocent, and not hurting anybody and "just talking". Oh the pain this has caused.
My sister just sent me an email from a male I graduated with. He wants to contact me and thank God she didn't actually send him my email. She just forwarded the question as to whether she was my sister and if so to send his email to me.
I am very afraid of "going there". Actually he is an X of a friend of mine. I haven't seen either one of them in about 20 years. I know he remarried years ago and she did too. I was wondering whether he wanted to contact me because he knew I would know where she is, but I don't want to get involved, so I have just ignored the message and sent my sister a message that I don't want contact with him and to please be sure NOT to give him my email if he contacts her again. I didn't really know him well then and am having enough problems in my marriage without inviting another problem to join. Thank you very much!!!
Send your H here to read the board or copy and paste them for him to read.
Your H may still be in denial, but you are correct in thinking there is a problem. FOW also said many times to him (and he told me.)...that she wasn't interested in hurting the marriage, blah, blah, blah......yeah, right.........She still accepted his calls, emails, contacts, and sexual advances, didn't she?!!!!!!!!!! ugh!!!!!!
She still got out of him what she wanted....not totally at the end as they had talked about marriage after our divorce which had never even been mentioned to me!!!!!!!! at the time.
Trust your gut instincts.!!!!
Mikkey

Dear Mrs_Debra. Estes gave you exc. advice, you are not wrong to ask him to stop he is taking his emotional and mental self away from you and he should be sharing his thoughts and time with you. My WW PA, I beleived started innocently like yours thru CLassmates. com and within in 2 months they were having sex. It's alarming to hear how many other A started similarly. Good luck, it wil be hard for him to stop but you should demand it to save your marriage. He will be in denial and say that you dont trust him, etc. but hold firm. Its not about trust but about giving in to temptation.

WOW what a site.
I really do like this site. It has been informative and right to the point.
I really do appreciate all of the reply's.
I didn't exspect all of your comments.
Most of the message board I have been to didn't help me at all. But this message board did.
My husband told me the other night that he has been tempted to email his old high school friend.
It hurt me when I heard that. I was starting to forget the whole situation and then he said that. Basically adding coles to the fire.
I have got to go I'll reply later.