Hello all! My situation is posted on the Just found out board. I have been printing up everything on this site and sharing it wil my friend L. She would like to get some feedback from you about the article Changing a willingness to make love into a desire to make love. I'll let her take over.<p> Im a healthy female and I like to "listen" to
my body regarding hunger, need of rest sex, etc...
My body naturally craves orgasms about 3x a
month, usually when Im ovulating. But that does not mean I'm only willing to have sex 3x a month.
If my spouse craves sex more often than I do I prefer to welcome or suggest "quickies" at times when I don't want an orgasm.It doesn't make me feel like Im doing a chore. Instead, it makes me feel that I'm being sensitive to my spouses sexual needs. If my spousethinks that I'm not enjoying the "quickies" because I'm not climaxing,
that makes me feel like he is not being sensitive
to my sexual needs.
Orgasms feel wonderful, but I don't think I
should "practice" or try having them more often to make my spouse feel loved.To me, that would feellike a performance obligation rather than two people understanding eachother's body.
On the flip side,my spouse may not crave hugs and kisses as much as I do. That's okay. If I need a hug, I can ask him for one and there should be no reason why he can't give me a hug when I need one even though he may not need one himself. Out of love he's giving me the hug to satisfy my immediate need. I don't want to try and make him more "huggy-kissy" or expect him to desire them as I do.
I'd love to hear some responses.
Thanks,
L.

I agree with what you wrote 100%. Unfortunately, my H didn't feel that way..but what you wrote could have been written by me. Don't know why this was so hard for my H to understand.

L,<p>Welcome to MB, you should read HNHN or go thorugh basic concept of MB here.<p>In search for fullfiling M, you need to do Care, Protection, Time & Honesty. Invite your H to MB or go to those MB weekend seminars. About SF, if you already willing to do "the chore", you could make the climax as a habit w/ help of H, he is willing I assume. There is no if or but if you want a fullfilling M. You have to learn to fill H's EN and vice versa. So, do not "settle" for less, it makes you "wonder" about M. Staying in love is intentional, require work. At first the work seems hard but if you repeated it often enough it will become a habit.<p>Good luck.

Forgiver (& L),<p>I actually think your attitude about sex in marriage is just how it should be - healthy and considerate. I have always been very sexual, but even so, there's bound to be times that one partner's needs don't match the other's. I have many, many patients who are in so much distress because their needs don't meet their husbands'and vice versa. Barring medical explanations, relationship problems, etc, there really are healthy solutions. <p>Meeting your spouse's needs doesn't have to mean that you consider it to be a "chore" or that you "just lie there" (uugghh - I hate that phrase). Being a willing and enthusiastic partner even if it was not because you had a need can hardly be considered "just doing your duty". And....although it shouldn't be a prerequisite, much of the time her intentions change in the meantime. <p>I try to remember when posting that not everyone talks about sex a major portion of most workdays
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 14, 2002: Message edited by: almostbroken ]</p>