I am new to the board and the site. I have tried to avoid this as long as I could. We have been together for 7 years, married for 3.<p>When we started dating I was 25, my wife 24. We were never apart. We were obsessed. There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t spend hours on the phone or spending time together. <p>For the past several years, “I have just kept busy” to stay happy. We do not share anything. I can not get my wife off the sofa or out of bed. She has no motivation to go out to dinner or even snow sledding with our Nephew who is 4. We both have professional careers working 8 – 5; off on weekends. – She can’t be that tired.<p>On the weekends she sleeps until noon and I am scolded if I make much more than a peep to wake her. I feel I am going nuts and am in prison in my own house. I have to either sit quietly on my computer or shut myself in the garage<p>I have always been very active, raced mtn. bikes and competed in the 24 hour race series – most any activity outside. I also have a passion for working on my Toyota truck and try to stay busy, but quiet. <p>Now in my early 30’s, I want more from my marriage. She has no desire to do anything. My sister in law called to see if we wanted to go sledding with her and her son. My Wife said no and for me to go with her. I put my foot down saying I would not go unless you go. She went, but completely ruined any fun we may have had by being non interactive. (She may as well have stayed at home.)<p>What do I do? I sit in the dark: quiet and alone, my only mind stimulation is from the dogs when I take them for a walk. Although I hear the TV going in the other room, I know that I can’t disturb her. She will interrupt saying that she is watching this movie and for me to go do something.<p>I scream inside saying – this is real life – me! And you are losing it! <p>I have tried to talk to her, I always get – I am just tired. I find myself being pushed away. <p>Just tonight, she said that I need another hobby to work on so that I would leave her alone. What is this saying? <p>Although I would like children more than anything, it is best that we do not have any at the moment.<p>Thanks for your suggestions and help.

mtncycle.... <p>I'm certainly not a professional.. but your wife sounds very depressed... it sounds as if she also doesnt know how to enjoy life... not sure if you can get her to a doctor...but it sounds like she may need some help.<p>Good luck, just wanted you to know someone read your post and was rooting for ya... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hmmm.. not my situation, and I'm no professional either.. you may want to talk to a counselor yourself as a starting point - they might have some suggestions that would eventually lead to joint counseling. Or possibly a doctor.<p>It does sounds like possibly depression. Could there be any physical basis (such as chronic fatigue syndrome)? Family background as basis? Don't dismiss MLC, even at her age - I think one of the things that drives MLC is being in a particular emotional frame of mind - it just usually happens at a later age (but we all behave differently, doncha know [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ).<p>Again, I'm not a profressional, but it doesn't sound like a standard EMA. BUT, don't dismiss it completely. Guilt, among many of the other emotions that WS deal with, can have numerous outward effects.<p>I think you need to do something yourself, though. That's to make a plan. Don't allow yourself to slip down the slippery slope of emotional detachment from your wife. That will more than likely lead you to become a wayward spouse someday - something we here shudder at, because of the destruction it imposes on EVERYONE involved.<p>So your plan might be to follow up on some possible causes, etc. And to also "Plan A" your wife - even if it's not an EMA, Plan A is the "right thing to do" for everyone who's in a marriage, healthy or not. Show some patience and persistence, set boundaries too, and good luck!

You might also start by showing her this thread. Let her read what you have said. Let her see the pain and confusion you are dealing with. <p> Whatever you do, DO NOT have an affair Divorce her before it comes to that. If she is depressed she deserves your help more than ever. Depression is no ones fault, least of all your wifes. Please have her checked by a doctor if possible. Get to the root of this while at her side and there are still feelings for her.<p> Please keep us posted on what you find out. Good Luck.<p> jd

mtncycle,
Welcome to the board. I&#8217;m sorry to hear about your situation. I know how you feel; I have been there. I&#8217;m glad to see you decided to come on board. It is the beginning of your new journey to make your marriage a better one. Continue to read and learn as much as you could. Have you read &#8220;His needs, Her needs&#8221; by Dr. Harley? You might find certain helpful information to help you there. Also if you have a chance, get the &#8220;five love languages&#8221; book and read it because you might think that what you have been doing is what your wife wants, but in reality, it might not be what she wants (speaking different love languages).<p>Like others have said, it could be depression, but lack of motivation to do anything with you might indicate that she finds you boring to be with. Have you done anything to spice her up lately? Little thing might motivate her to do more with you. Surprise her with flowers for no reason. Leave a note that you would pick her up for a dinner at a new place that you heard is good. If she doesn&#8217;t want to go out for dinner, bring dinner home to her. Once she enjoys your company again, going out for dinner might follow. <p>Remember what you said? You said that you used to spend hours on the phone with her or spend time together doing thing. Just think about that moment and see if you could bring that back into your marriage life. Being &#8220;busy&#8221; by yourself to stay happy doesn&#8217;t mean your wife is happy. If your wife loves to watch TV, go along with her and watch TV with her for a while (yes, even you don&#8217;t like it). By doing so she might feel connected with you again and might think that you are interested to be with her. After a while she might want to do something with you (of what you want to do). Well, I HOPE you get a picture.<p>Please keep reading and posting for a while.<p>[ January 14, 2002: Message edited by: HangOnPatientlyEver ]</p>

Hi there ~<p>Sounds like depression or some other physical malfunction. Those issues have to be addressed first before your marriage is worked on. <p>I survived a 2 year depression that nearly completely destroyed me, my marriage, and my children. I am 4 years later, I am still coping with the aftermath of that illness. My children are in counseling and have emotional problems. My husband had an affair and we ended up on the brink of divorce. There were many other reasons that these things happened, but the underlying cause was my depression.<p>Here's more information: http://depression.about.com/cs/whatisdepression/index.htm<p>and here's an article on what to do if someone you love is depressed http://depression.about.com/library/weekly/aa062298.htm?once=true&<p>Anyway, thats a start. I don't know much about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome...but that could be what is wrong also. You should see a medical professional to get started.<p>Good luck.