The counselor suggested we do a semi-separation... H has left for a couple of weeks and will be back on the weekends to be with the kids while I leave to go to my parents. Its such an odd feeling... we have been married for 17 yrs and now this....<p>Its not that we don't love each other or enjoy each other.... H wants me to be more passionate and to want sex more etc. I'm trying, but its just not there yet. Does any other WS have this problem??? It may be due to the years of anger he had...or my therapist thinks its my shame for the A that is hindering me.<p>H says I don't even want to kiss him.... or have any type of intimacy.... and I cant argue with that.... my MIND wants it..its just I can't follow thru with it.<p>Does this happen with all WS???? or is it more a woman-thing??? <p>Anyway, I'm really hoping with this separation, I will miss him..and things will ignite when he returns........ sigh

Well...I'm a WS and a woman, too...so maybe this won't answer your question. I know where you're coming from, though. The memories of my time with OM that were once so exciting are so REPULSIVE to think about now. I'll find myself sometimes unwillingly flashing back...and when I do, I'm filled with such a sense of disgust and sadness that I "shut down".<p>It was a low point in our lives...if you're like me, you're probably ashamed of who you were then. I'm still not at the point where I get excited at the prospect of SF time with my BS. I've found that "practice makes perfect", though...or at least, that it helps [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If I can push through that wall of shame and guilt in my mind, and just let go...I feel a little better about things each subsequent time. Part of the process, I think, is getting comfortable again. It's also important to learn to trust (ironic coming from a WS). <p>I'm like you...I lived in a relationship when I suffered years of emotional neglect. I can see how hard my BS is trying to make things right...but there's a little part of my brain that watches him like a hawk. It looks for any sign from him that's saying "OK, she's back now...I guess I can stop working"...for a woman, trust usually plays a big part in being comfortable with SF...and we're still working on trusting our BS's.<p>It's not unusual...it'll just take time and practice (and patience and love from your BS) to help you through this.

Thanks for replying "towards the future"...i feel pretty unpopular in this forum....<p>Your reply was helpful.....i only hope that we recover as you and your H have seemed to.
Wish some other WS's would reply...how do I get them to????? any suggestions?

What...my input isn't good enough? (Just Kidding! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>I think you may find more WS over in the In Recovery boards...maybe if you repost this over there, and indicate in your title that you would like some WS input, you'd have more luck.

ok, i will try that.....if i figure out how to repost it...ha! thanks....

Mom -- there's just not that many around....and even fewer that are recovering.<p>I'm a WS, but unable to help you. My H and I haven't been physical in a long time, nor do I imagine us ever being again.<p>I'm just in a different place than you....sorry!

ConfusedMom - We tangled on the other post, but I want you to know that you're welcome here and I, for one, have found the most benefit of the info on this forum comes from former WSs.<p>Frankly, I don't see what a semi-separation will accomplish, if you want MHO. Although I have no direct experience in recovery, being an Ogre [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] , I can identify with male BSs.<p>In your opening post, you jumped straight to "passion" and "sex" as your H's desires. How's the basic "affection" coming?<p>I craved affection from my wife for many years. More specifically, it was the reassurance I craved which is most easily demonstrated by affection. Maybe you need to start slow? I believe your H can make do with a little anticipation.<p>WAT