Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 239
L
louser Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 239
Just wondering...
Have has anyone become a WS because Of their being a BS ??? Or thought about it?<p>Just wondering...A lot.<p>[ January 14, 2002: Message edited by: louser ]</p>

Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 407
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 407
I think maybe it might have been Zorweb that posted a statistic regarding your question...I think it was something like 80% of BS's will turn around and become a WS? Correct me if I'm wrong...<p>All the more reason to never let up on making things better in our relationships.

Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
You've posed a good question, Louser. <p>But what else I'd like to know is "WHY" they become a WS. What happens to them psychologically out of being a BS that they resort to becoming a WS?<p>Anyone???

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 358
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 358
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by louser:
<strong>Just wondering...
Have has anyone become a WS because Of their being a WS ??? Or thought about it?<p>Just wondering...A lot.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>My dday was June 2000, my husband became a WS around August 2001. I left posts regarding this in recovery back in September when I found out. <p>Resilient makes a great point about the turmoil my husband must have been in to turn around and become the WS.<p>We are in a great recovery right now and both of us are very hopeful and in love despite our past failings.

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 420
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 420
Yes I became a WS after being a BS for about a year. Not a pretty thing. No excuse for it and any of the temporary highs that it brings about are just that temporary and unreal. In my situation, My WW was Plan A/B resistant, and after a year told me to give up, she'll never leave the OM. At best we'll stay roommates for the sake of the kids and to find someone else to make me happy. After hearing this from month 9 through 12. I finally did start dating. It's nice to know that someone else wants you after being discarded but beyond that I'm quite ashamed of my actions. Not so much to the WW, but to me and the poor soul I drug into my nightmare. After seeing my OW for bout 6 weeks I ended it. Not once did I have an encounter with the OW where I was not fully aware of the MB reasons for why I was doing this, which seemed to take away from the moment. <p>I would highly advise against becoming a WS yourself. Odds are you will not have that "lost in your soul mate" feeling and the complications of living a double life are overwhelming. I forgot to mention that part of my mind set at the time was thinking that the WW had also told me many times that she was no longer good enough for me. I convinced myself that by becoming a WS myself that she could then meet me on equal ground without being overwhelmed by guilt. Abduction/Moose brain worms you pick, but it was seemingly easy to justify at the time. <p>
To this day WW still hates me for doing this, and considers me to have as bad of/if not worse character as she does. Which I'm not quite sure I can agree with, since I thought I had permission. <p>I can also tell you that during the 6 weeks I was with the OW, was when my wife quit (so she says) sleeping with the OM. Shock therapy...maybe, but she still works closely with him and dances with him at social functions, hugs him when she sees him. So in a nutshell it does no good for anybody involved, I wish I would have filed for D and never gone there.<p>But many BS's do, understandable but not excusable.

Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 249
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 249
Hi All, I'm the BS and my WS is living with OM right now. I can't fathom "cheating" on my W even though she is "cheating" on me.<p>I honor our marriage vows, and my heart still belong to my W, even though she is kicking it around right now...And I will contiue to honor those vows until such time as she decides what she wants, Dv or Reconcilliation. I stand by her decision either way.<p>That is my opinion of course, and I respect all others opinions as well.

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 877
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 877
Hell--who hasn't "thought" about it?<p>But it seems to me, if you "think" hard enough about it, that it sure can't bring any upside to anything you are trying to work thru.<p>All it does is confuse you (the BS)...alienate the WS I am sure, and, not to mention, create more pain and damage for someone else...maybe two someone elses...<p>So, yeah, think about it? I'm sure.<p>Act about it? Doesn't seem real smart. <p>Just my $0.02<p>E

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,075
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,075
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Torizo:
<strong>Hi All, I'm the BS and my WS is living with OM right now. I can't fathom "cheating" on my W even though she is "cheating" on me.<p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>Isn't it stange how some of us seem to be wired that way? While my H had abandoned me to live with the OW I had a former boyfriend beging contacting me (he heard I was separated). He was someone who I always had a connection with, and we had stayed friends, but it never would have lasted in the long haul. I was desperately lonely and tempted. But it still would have felt like cheating to me even though my H was off doing God knows what. Plus it would have been unfair to the OM (single) since I very much wanted my H back.

Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,449
Dear Louser,<p>I seriously thought about becoming a WS but it wasn`t out of revnege. It was because I was feeling so low, so unloveable that at a certain point if the right man had come along and given me a second look I would have jumped right into it. <p>Right after d-day I had thought about going back to work but decided against it because I knew I was ripe for an A of my own. I stayed home, didn`t go out much because I knew I was easy pickins. My H had been plan Aing me for several months before I felt comfortable enough to be around other men without my H there. I have been hit on a few times at work but have resisted. The way I see it, if I want to be with another man then why not just go ahead and get a divorce and be done with it. It would save eveyone a lot of grief. I wish my H had done that instead of having his ONS, it would have been less painful than the act of betrayal and all the lies.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 140 guests, and 97 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,810
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5