i just found this site yesterday after reading SAA. all i have read gives me hope that i truelly am not alone in my pain.the book and this site makes me believe i will be o.k. it will just take time. my life goes as such- my husband and i have been married 7 yrs. been together almost 10. we have 2 children-boys, one is 12 and the other is 6. the 12y/o is from a previous marriage of mine. my husband has been his step since he was 2.on dec. 9th i found out my husband was having an affair. emotional and physical. my life has spiralled out of controll since. he imediately told me he would end it and supposedly did on the phone in front of me. i say supposedly because i'm not really sure it is over. they work together. he tells me that her office is being moved to another building but she will still be with the company. i went into the deepest depression i could have ever imagined, actually i could never have envisioned such a dark place. after 2 weeks of hell i finally got on antidepressants. they have kicked in and are helping. he has stayed with me but i have so many fears. we had started counseling before i knew, which turned into a disaster as soon as i found out. i feel so alone. our counselor summed my husband up as being emotionally retarted. he doesnt share things and withdrew from me a long time ago. i in turn withdrew from him too. i can now see my mistakes and with the help of the book, this site, and all the caring people on it i hope to heal and regain the strong and loving marriage we promised to each other. my biggest dilemma is how do i get my "emotionally challenged" husband to open up to me and be honest with me about everything. if anyone can help me i would appreciate it. there is so much more to this but i dont want to go on and on......please help me.

Hi...my H is also emotionally delayed [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He has a big problem opening up to me because "my opinion matters the most and he doesn't want to upset me so I'll leave him" but then he has a PA? Oh that's a better solution! Anyhow, my H had to realize that he has a problem...and he now does and is going to go to IC. There was nothing I could do or say to MAKE him open up. He had to realize that the only way we are going to work is if he can trust me to tell me things and be able to deal with my reactions. He has to grow a backbone and learn how to stand up for his own emotions, opinions, and not try to formulate them to "make me happy" or make everyone else "like" him. His PA made him hit rock bottom and he realizes that he needs help since he would risk his family, wife, son, career etc. for a PA. I feel like his PA was a cry for help, a statement of giving up. He says he knows what he wants now and that he definitely needs IC (plus MC). I still harbor resentment that he had to do something so awful to "figure out what he really wants" though...<p>Anyhow, my point is you can't MAKE him open up, all you can do is provide the atmosphere (by plan Aing) so that he feels comfortable to do so when he is ready....and take it from me, you really have to watch how you react even to small things because he might be testing the waters and if you way overreact, he'll say "forget that, if I lie, no one gets hurt."

weRtrying<p>thank you so much for the support. i know i can't make him- believe me ive tried. thats why when i first heard of the affair i went into total and utter shock. i was always the one asking whats wrong? or can we talk? i always felt i was there for him that way. i have to find out what his true emotional needs are. he says he is willing to do that for me from the book. you can bet that when i find out what they finally are i will be plan a-ing the heck out of them. anyway thanks for the support-i need all i can get. have noone to talk to but a counselour once a week. this really helps.