My husband and I have been married for 20 yrs. He had a 4 month emotional affair with a co-worker and says its over but wants to keep his job. Is it possible to work thru this with him seeing her every day? I'm willing to work thru it if there is a chance it will survive another 20 years.

Laurie,<p>The official line is NO! But as with any rule, there ARE exceptions. I know, I was one of them. I had an EA with a coworker but chose to end it. We did, and I really never looked back. But maybe we weren't as emotionally attached as I think we were, or maybe because my W never knew about it, or maybe.....<p>At any rate, it would DEFINITELY be easier, and more convincing to YOU if he WOULD establish NO CONTACT (that means absolutely 0).<p>Kev

lauriep:<p>It would be sooo much easier if your H didn't work with OP. This issue comes up frequently and I have personally posted many times on this issue. Our situations are similar. My WW had EA with coworker and still works with him. She has agreed not to commumicate with him anymore and I do think she has lived up to this. We are in recovery but I certainly would feel a lot better if she had no daily opportunity to see or run into OP.<p>I never insisted that she quit her job although I did (and still do) tell her how I feel about the situation. What helped me was the realization that I had no control over my W and she will make her own decisions. I have outlined boundaries for myself and comminicated them to her. Mine are that if she still works with OP, no more contact. Further, it will be much easier for her to transfer to another location in June and she has agreed to do so, thus removing her from even casual contact.<p>The thing that ultimarely put me most at ease was my W's newly expressed willingness to recommit and work on our M.<p>Bottom line: It is best if your WS can remove himself from the current work environment, but if he cannot or will not, you need to communicate and negotiate with him a means to address your concerns.

Thanks for your support - this is a great resource - I've decided to try and work it out with him and let him keep the job - at least if the marriage doesn't work - he'll still have a job - we are going to counseling and see what we can regain/repair. I know this won't be easy to not visualize her/him together. Thanks -