I'm really having a hard time with this too. My wedding ring always had so much meaning for me. He surprised me with the ring I wear now on my 10th anniversary. I had never seen (and still haven't) a ring I loved more and it was just so special. I not only have always considered it to be a symbol of our committment to each other, but also an obvious outward sign that says "I'm married!" I can't tell you how many times throughout my married life that I've noticed other men (and people in general) checking to see if I had a wedding ring. I was so proud to have it there. <p>The news of our separation is slowly getting out. Until a week or so ago, only our family knew. It's ironic that when talking about our separation now, I notice people glancing at my finger to see if I still have my ring on. I haven't taken it off yet, but it's starting to feel "inappropriate".<p>I'm not sure how I'll feel about it now. I was going to say that I thought it would represent the good memories of our past, but then it occurred to me that our past wasn't nearly as happy as I had believed it to be. I have a feeling that in the future it will remind me of the lie that our marriage has been. <p>I agree with Kevco to a point. Through my initial hell period after 1st D-day, I never thought of removing my ring. We fairly quickly decided to stay together, and although I had a lot of hurt and healing to work through, I never believed that it was over. We were both working to recover our marriage and as long as that was our mutual goal, I would've worn it forever - even when things were really bad. <p>On the other hand, I empathize with jd and can understand what he's saying completely. "Letting go" of your marriage is so final and so painful, and as a means of self-preservation, it's sometimes easier to do it a little at a time. I guess I knew the second I found out about WS's last infidelity that our marriage was over, but I've had to come to terms with that slowly. It would've been way too painful to do it all at once. <p>I'm so sorry, jd, that you feel like it's time to stop wearing your ring for now. I'm hoping, like you are, that there will be a day that you can put it back on without reservation and it can symbolize the marriage that you want so badly and have fought so hard for. <p>I'm not sure what I'll do with this ring after I'm able to take it off. I think in the future, the ring that will mean the most to me is the simple gold band that he gave me on our wedding day. We picked it out together just before we got married - we were sooo broke and it was all we could afford, but it reminds me of a time when our love was pure and we both really meant it when we vowed to love, cherish, protect and be faithful to one another "till death do us part".<p>[ January 15, 2002: Message edited by: almostbroken ]</p>

Jeeze you guys, you just made me realize that I made a huge LB on my part. Two days after DDay #2 I took off my wedding ring, using the rationalization that since my W wasn't acting like a W anymore, I didn't need to be wearing my wedding ring either. I just realized that I haven't had it on since, problem is I can't get it now because W has this crazy restraining order still in effect. So here I am, wanting to put it back on to show my commitment, but can't.

I'm a WS. <p>My wedding ring has always been a symbol of the commitment I made to my husband to love him until death parts us. A message that I belonged to someone and him to me. When I was breaking my vows I had to take it off every time I was with the OM. I couldn't stand having that reminder of what I was doing on my finger. <p>About two months ago my band broke. It was a rather intricate three band ring and one of them broke. Its broken several times before and each time it's expensive to fix. So I took my ring off for probably the last time and put it in a box. My finger feels so empty and lost. My husband is home with me and we are trying to repair (hard going) but somehow that outward sign means so much to me. I don't know how I could have ever thought that I could have taken it off for real. <p>Saturday my husband asked me if a wedding band was really that important to me, I said yes. We went to the mall that afternoon and picked out a simple two-toned gold band. It's much simpler than the first ring but already I think it means more to me than the first because now I realize how much I put into jeapordy by my actions.

My ring was my direct link to my wife's heart. It was the symbol of my wifes' everlasting love for me. <p> I agree with some others that have said that your WS watches you. When I took my ring off this summer I found out through a friend that it broke her heart. I also got to a point that I just couldn't wear it knowing that it was a lie. I still notice that my ring is gone. <p>Indy<p>[ January 15, 2002: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</p>

I took mine off when I knew something was still wrong but not quite knowing what, and tried to wear it again after he came back, but, to me it is not only about MY committment, but his to me. I told him when he is ready to put it back on my finger it is up to him. He has not worn a ring forever, has big knuckles so ring was always turning, but when and if he gives mine back I will be ready with a ring for him. But I miss wearing it every day and hope he gives it back soon. It makes me sad not to have it and every thing that it should mean and how he betrayed me.

I couldn't help to post to this one. I'll say that my ring signifies the bond, the surreal promise we made etc. The only time I ever take it off is when I work out--the band cracked a couple of times early on and I was advised not to wear it then.<p>HOWEVER--WS "lost" hers when we moved into our new house last year. It's funny that in SAA, Harley's say that it is not uncommon for WS to "lose" ring. We were packing, tearing stuff down etc, and wife took ring off somewhere in our old house and left it there and forgot about it. It took me a few weeks before I realized it was gone. She told me the story and we looked frantically to no avail. Probably fell in sink or something.<p>After reading 50 signs of A and also SAA, I was rather disturbed to see that some WS "lose" their ring. I brought that up to her. Wasn't really concerned about LB'ing but rather wanted to confirm that she didn't go out and hawk it or accidently leave it in a hotel while with OM--she vehemently denies it. With her tendency for maximum entropy I tend to believe story number one.<p>She bought a very nice silver band and is now wearing it more than when the A was in full force. During our anniversary last week I asked her what she would want as far as a ring goes if we work this out. She actually likes the simple band and would be happy to have it retrofitted with a setting and a nice rock. Her take was that she felt the ring was comfortable, nice and simple and with the diamond that I would consider purchasing (assuming things would work out first), would look great.<p>At least she gave it some thought--it still bugs me when I catch her not wearing it ("Oh, I left it on the vanity at apartment when I showered"). Frankly, that's the lamest excuse. Either you wear it and take stock in the symbolicism or you can be single. It will be one of those issues we tackle in counseling, assuming we get that far--<p>If I ever remove my ring for any other reason other than safety of the ring, it will be for good. I can only hope that never happens.<p>Guido

Gosh you guys are all making me feel bad here! My reason seems so shallow compared to you guys'...<p>But since you asked, jd, my answer is very plain and simple: "I'M UNAVAILABLE!"<p>So for me, my ring is more of my statement to others that I'm taken. The only problem with that is SOME GUYS DON'T EVEN CARE! We still have to protect ourselves from our weaknesses. We still have to find security in Christ with or without the ring or the spouse or the marriage!

Thanks to Everyone who responded. I pretty much knew the answers. <p> I just want to add to Kevco.<p> almostbroken hit the nail on the head Kev. Going through this for almost a year I have to start letting go at some point. I pray you never reach that point.<p> I was surprised this morning when my W asked when and why I took off my ring. I wanted to believe she really noticed several days ago. However, upon checking the history on my computer [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I found that she actually had been doing a search of this site for my username. I wonder if it is too little too late. <p> jd

It's never too late! Plus you get a little satisfaction in knowing she probably does care.

I think my H has worn his maybe 2 years(on and off) out of the 10 years we've been married. He has not worn it now for 4 years. He only put it on when I raised hell about. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Even then it only lasted a couple weeks. His excuse, he lost it. He said that before and I found it in his underwear drawer. I have not brought it up since. I finally took mine off for the first time after 10 years just 2 weeks ago. <p>It meant the whole meaning of my marriage. A circle of never ending love. It was a sign of our commitment. When he removed it the first time, I knew the end was coming. That alone broke my heart. <p>Having it off now for these 2 weeks, I cried the day I took it off. I felt like I was betraying our marriage somehow, giving up, if you will. Now, I don't feel a thing. Sadness and mourning have hit me. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Clouds

Sadly, my rings lost their meaning the first time my H slept with a woman he had met that evening at a bar. He has offered to buy new ones, but I don't think that any rings could ever signify the unbroken circle of love and fidelity that I thought we made at the alter. I'll just keep the 15K worth of diamonds, they're stunning...Ladysing

A heartwarming thread...brings back so many good and innocent memories. My H designed my ring and brought it into the jeweller...he molded it from something like playdough. We never did go search for rings together. I always said it didn't matter to me. As long as it was from him. He worked at it with so much love. <p>When he gave it to me, it was one of the most beautiful moments. <p>I tried to take it off after d-day but couldn't. He said he took it off the day his EA went PA. Strangely enough, despite his cries of "I'm sure", he still hasn't taken it off. I pray he never does.<p>For me, I realize I need to wear it because it represents our love in its simplest form. It reminds me of how it started and the promises of what it should have been. It give me hope and strength to go on.

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 09:38 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>