Not sure if I'm venting or what... In any case, I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I think in some ways my Giver has snapped, after 4 and a half months of this. I suddenly have lost my motivation to Plan A. Since our MC session on Saturday, it's all I can do to even make chit-chat with WW. I feel such a vast degree of resentment and ambivalence. I can't begin to imagine trying to be as affectionate and caring as I was through the past few months. I look at her and think to myself, "I don't want YOU as a wife".<p>How can I pick up and carry on in Plan A when I feel like this? I'm mad because in a way, her "two year old" inside is getting what she wants - to make me make the decision easier for her - oh yes, J.R. is really the bad guy I've constructed in my mind, so this situation is okay.<p>I've done so well for so long in Plan A, I hate to ruin it. Can I just remain silent, avoid her for a while and hope that my motivation returns?

J.R.,<p>Please take a break from her. I did that during Christmas holiday. Take mini vacation for yourself, be nice to your self. "Retreat" to get yourself together. Also use guido's technique, pull out old memory, picture, video or anything that remind you why you married her, think of happy thought. Even day dream of fullfiling M with her. I know how time burn you out before A.

JR-<p>Let me share something with you that Steve told me last week. Since we don't have children, he would recommend that we stay in Plan A much longer than otherwise. This is because once we move to Plan B, there's really nothing to draw our spouses back to us. It makes that final split just that much easier for them, gives them some justification for DV (in their minds).<p>Do you love your W? Do you want your M? Is there nothing more important to you than those two things? What price are you willing to pay in order to have them?<p>These are questions that only you can answer. But for me, there is NOTHING more important to me (aside from God) than my wife, and my love for her. I would pay any price, do nearly anything to have her back (for me, for her, for US and our future children).<p>Try to take a couple of days off and recharge your batteries. Maybe spend the weekend with family, or a buddy or in Vegas [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I'll pray that God bring you peace and patience.<p>Kev

J.R.-<p>Yesterday I posted a similar comment on persistant's thread in the JFO forum. I didn't care anymore. After all of my efforts to Plan A my WW, I felt terrible. She told me that she feels trapped if I put my arm around her shoulder or put my hand on her leg (covered) at church. When I reminded her of something that we did while we were dating that meant a lot to me, she just responded with, "Yeah, it happened." Yesterday I didn't even feel like giving my W a hug when I left for work or when I got home. I didn't miss it too much either for I know how uncomfortable this personal jesture makes her. I don't want to feel guilty for giving my W a hug.<p>I wish I could offer more hope for you. Our coach, Steve, tried to do this today. He really probed each of us for signs of hope and for reviewing where we want to be and how to get there. Maybe you could use this type of help or guidance too. Steve said that it was appropriate to ask our WS for encouragement. We are only human. Two takers can't make a marriage work.<p>Good luck to you.<p>HoFS

Thanks for the replies...<p>Yes, I realize I really SHOULD continue in Plan A. I think WW expects it, she isn't quite ready to bolt herself, and her A does show signs of "stress". MC wants us to avoid any decisions until she gets back from a work trip, later in February. I will try.<p>As for not having kids, Kev, yes, I can see how that might influence things. I thought that on my own while reading SAA's example of Sue and Jon. I think, though, that there might be some special circumstances in my case: WW admits that there would be some serious difficulties being with OM (cultural, moving to Asia, etc., etc.) - she's admitted it would probably be a bad idea herself - just can't seem to help herself, despite some apparently shabby treatment already.<p>As for the question about whether my W and M are the most important things to me... yes, they are. But I'm starting to feel my limits and boundaries pushed. A break is a good idea, might show WW that I'm able to "let go" and back off - given the distancer / pursuer thing, it might be interesting to see what happens.