as to where my WH is (mentally) or where my marriage is headed. I'm sooooooooo confused.<p>There is no relationship talk what so ever, there is no talk of any kind really.<p>WH talked about wanting to talk about DV while here at Christmas, didn't happen, believe me I've been waiting for that shoe to drop.<p>WH is flying to FL tomorrow for funeral of OW BIL, a friend of WH from way back. Not feeling good about this. OW's b-day is the 17th. Am sure that that is the reason for the trip. <p>WH used my computer to contact OW while here at Christmas, I can't open anything from the history but there was one that said See you soon, so I'm wondering if WH and OW had this planned for him to be there for OW b-day and her to move to Utah then. Friend died last Tuesday, that's a long time before a funeral. I want to confront him and have wanted to for sometime about using my computer and going to FL for this funeral and if he is bringing OW back to live with him, but all LB's I know, so I wont. I just don't like the limbo. It's hard to keep my patience intack, sometimes.<p>Oldest D called WH tonight to have him get on line so she could show him picture of new glasses, I asked her to ask about whether he is flying tomorrow or not, said yes he'd talk to me later. Kind need to know where he is if something where to happen with one of the kids. Had emailed WH last night myself and asked him to please let me know when he was leaving, no reply. Don't think I want to be available if he does call tonight.<p>Like the subject says "I have no clue" where my marriage is going if it's still viable, I read post from others where I see so much hope, and I envy them. I see nothing.<p>Just a vent I guess, need those every once in awhile!!! It does feel good!!! I am so scared at times. I try to stay nice and friendly with WH, I've been so nice I think it scares him some.<p>Dawn<p>[ January 15, 2002: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Keep up the good work daybreak... and even if he files for divorce... it doesn't mean it's over... <p>Keep taking the high road... in the end you will be able to keep holding your head up high... it is such a good example for your children... I remember only too well the ugly things said by all parental figures...<p>Hugs... I know this is hard... my WH is home and I still have 'no clue' where we are headed...<p>Cali

The shoe just dropped,I got an e mail from WH saying that he is forwarding an e mail from a lawyer in the state that I live in.<p>And that he is sorry blah blah blah...and that he has always loved the OW blah blah blah...and that it is time to let go blah blah blah....he doesn't regret our past blah blah blah...was going to call tonight to talk to me Blah blah blah... think he wants a clear consience when he get there.<p>He is just a big chicken $#it when it comes to confrontation. <p>I am so mad and that doesn't happen often. Guess I am kind of hurt to as I have to realize there is nothing left of my marriage, according to hiim it is over. And I need to move on. UGH!!<p>Dawn<p>I have to respond, but will do so lovingly. He leaves tomorrow to go to FL to be with OW UGH!!!

daybreak - You are in my prayers. I recently recieved a similiar e-mail. <p>On the one hand I am devastated. I was a very good husband (uh, ok, I did make mistakes) , and tried for a long time to repair our disconnect. I loved being her husband, and felt we were very blessed.<p>Our timelines may be similiar; I also registered here in April.<p>From Feb. on, I focused on the relationship. Reading, conversations, therapy, etc.<p>I've begun to focus on me, my own recovery.<p>I'm beginning to feel really good. Sometimes.<p>I hope you can feel good, no matter what happens. <p>If you haven't looked at it, Melody Beatty's "Language of Letting Go" is fantastic; it is helping me in many ways. Much more than the IC.<p>Thank you BrambleRose for that recommendation.<p>Dawn- I pray you can find the peace and wisdom you need, no matter what path you take. And that you get the love you want, the way you want it, no matter what happens.<p>Dan

O dawn... we must have posted at the same time... then I logged out...<p>[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]<p>My heart and prayers are with you.<p>Cali

Dawn - help me remember - what are your thoughts on Plan B?<p>I was gonna ask this before getting to your second post. It may not be a good time to go to Plan B right now because he will see it as attempted manipulation coming on the heels of his threat to file, but it's worth getting others' opinions on, I think.<p>WAT

Dan, Thanks for the thoughts, I appreciate the support and boost.<p>Cali, yup we did post at the same time, that's ok. Orchid helped me out and so did snowwhite. Did send the e mail last night after a number of revisions. Just needed to do it before he left.<p>Dave, mmmm....PlanB it wasn't a true plan b letter that I sent, but similiar, left my emotions out of it, will work on drafting plan B letter.<p>Never did get an e mail from WH or lawyer today, so I guess the other shoe will drop soon. WH is gone to FL for the next few days.<p>Have a consultation with a lawyer on Monday. I know that if it was me wanting a divorce it would already be done. Am thinking that if I file first I may have a better chance of getting the amounts and other things that I want, Don't like thinking this way, don't like taking the action that belongs to him, but maybe he needs a awake call.<p>
I am a happy go lucky person, have not let this effect me to much, have accepted that my WH is the one that is losing, I have found a peace of sorts with it all. Have tried to maintain my hope but have not had any expectations. 20 years is a long time to share your life with someone and then have them say "by the way, I'm not happy and think I have loved this other person all along, and I need them to be happy now, c ya"<p>I do feel very bad for my kids as my husband has been very selfish in all of this and not thought how this will effect the rest of their lives. He only sees what he wants.<p>He gets so very angry as I see so much more and understand so much of what is going on, thanks to my reading and posting here. MLC to the maxxxx, good study material as he fits the mold perfectly.<p>Just my thoughts this evening.<p>Thanks to all, I appreciate your concern greatly.<p>Dawn

^^bump^^^

just thoughts<p>you will be all right & it is his lost not yours

Sorry Daybreak to hear about your H. What a fool. My life has been pretty awful too...haven't even had a chance to read or post.<p>My H also just emailed me some pretty worthless emails....has me pretty riled up again. I can't wait until he can't do that anymore.<p>I am sick of dealing with him. <p>Anyway, just got on and have to get off to fix dinner. I also feel that they are losing...and at this point, I don't even care. The kids and I will be better off without him.<p>Sorry about the vent...take care of yourself.<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</p>