Ok. I guess its best to tell my "story" 1st. I'll try to keep it short. I've been married for 5 1/2 yrs. My husband is an alcoholic. He got his 1st DUI in 94, before we were even married. He spent 6 months in jail. 2nd & 3rd DUIs in 96 & 97, he spent 11 monthe in jail for those 2. In between his trips to jail, things were, ok. He had a lot of trouble keeping a job, but he would always go out & get another one right away. Most nights he would be passed out on the couch, we rarely went to bed together, not to say we didn't have a sex life, we did, when he was sober. In late 98 we had our 1st child. Things were good for a while, untill he got another DUI, then another. We were told he was probably looking at state prison. He was home, on bail, for almost a year. Thats when things really seemed to go down hill. He stopped working, would sleep till noon, get up sit on the couch for 2 hours untill he started drinking again. He was drunk EVERY night. He spent almost no time with our son. He missed dinner just about every night. Things were really, really bad. I had no hope left for us. I have never been in a darker place in my life. I hated the person he had turned into. He seemed to think everyone owed him something. We were on welfare. He knew he was going away to jail & yet he did nothing to try to prepare for that. He was leaving me a single mother, with nothing to start with, no money, no food, nothing. (I was working P/T, babysitting, so I could be home with our son). I just wasn't able to really love him anymore. He changed too much. He was not the man I married, not even close. He finally went to court & was sentenced to 2-4 yrs, in state prison. I was done with our marriage. I had no hope that things would change this time. I'd heard all the promises, about quitting drinking, before. Nothing ever changed, it just got worse. I didn't want to be married to him anymore. Well my husband told me time & time again, if I wasn't going to be here for him, when he got out, he wasn't going to try to get better (the jail he is in is a rehab). I know thats a sorry excuse he gave me, but I still wanted him to get the help he needed, so I didn't tell him it was over in my mind. I was hoping, he would change his way of thinking, & want to change for himself & our son. I wasn't expecting it, but I was hoping. Well a few months after he went away, I started dating a guy. It felt so good to be in a "normal" relationship again. It only lasted a few months (it was a sexual relationship). I ended it, because I started to see those changes in my husband that I was hoping for. I starteed to see the man I married again, the man I loved. I couldn't believe that he was actually getting better. He was taking his recovery seriously. After a lot of thinking, I decided that I really did want ot make our marriage work, if he was going to get & stay sober. So I told him about the other guy. I never really considered it cheating, because in my mind, we were over. Need- less to say my husband didn't think about it that way. He was very upset, he still is. It was only 2 weeks ago that this all came out. The "affair" has been over for 4 months. I guess I just feel that what I did wasn't that bad, but it did hurt my husband very, very badly. I'm confused about my feelings & his. We have decided to try & work it out, & I think we will be able to do that, but how do we get thru this? I would love to hear from anyone who has been thru a similar situation. I don't know what to think anymore. Sometimes it seems like we'd both have been better off if I never told him. Sometimes, I also think it would be easier to just say goodbye to each other & each start fresh with someone new. I just don't know what to do, think or feel anymore. Any advice would be appeciated.
