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Or, &#8230; seek fashion tips for when using the Thong <p>Tomorrow is first anniversary of D/D, so yes I&#8217;m a little sensitive. Monday she happened to be wear the sweater & top she wore when she got home form her 3 hour roundivue at the motel room with one of these guys on 01-17-01 &#8211; I was not sure if she remembered, but honestly thought of making a comment that it was nice that she wears the anniversary outfit. You see she was quit clever then. The top is very tight fitting & she had worn it with a short wool skirt, but had the skirt packed away in bag & had changed into jeans with the sweater t give the causal look, which is more typical for her work --- she doe s not have to dress up for her work. OK, I said I had thought of saying something, but I of course did not!<p>Perhaps coincidentally my DW started wearing thongs shortly after what I now know was the time she started her A&#8217;s with the two young nursery, tree trimming guys &#8211; they were friends to each other as well. She now wears almost exclusively thongs and the push up Victory Secret matching bras. She has recently told me that she does in fact look for attention from both the guys & Gals & that she believes it&#8217;s an age thing &#8211; MLC . As most of you know, although she knows very well that I do not approve of the way she dresses many times, it is not, I repeat is NOT an often talked about topic between us. In case you don&#8217;t know, I feel she dresses on the provocative side many times &#8211; <p>Here is my question &#8211; I understand an advantage of the thong is that it avoids the unsightly &#8220;panty line.&#8221; Yesterday I notice that with her high heels (2 inches) and tight short skirt (2-3 inches above knee), that the line from the string around the waist of her thong is clearly visible. Is this a fashion Fau-poo or is this an intended &#8220;look&#8221; to give those particular glances from the guys who notice more of a sense of the sensuality of it all. Perhaps she is not aware of this?
Is there anything you could suggest that would avoid this &#8220;line?&#8221; Should I point this out to her? Or would this seem too judgmental?<p>Other times (not always!) I have noticed that you can see the line through her cloths, made form the upper back portion of her thong, kind of a triangle at the upper point of her buttocks. There was another time this summer when we were playing golf & on her &#8220;pose&#8221; (this is a good thing, that is recommended) after her follow thought, that with her short top and low pants, this top string of her thong had ridden up above her pants and was visible. I am not known as a fashion bug, but she has suggested to me that her dress is not intended to be &#8220;SEXY&#8221; , but fashionable . If this is indeed the case, I&#8217;m sure these little outward indications or perhaps teases of her sexy undies is purely accidental & surely there are some things that could be done to minimize such embarrassments, aren&#8217;t there?!<p>BTW, many have suggested I need to compliment her more &#8211; in both her A of 20 years ago and her more recent A&#8217;s, as a part of her confessions, she said that she knows I compliment her a lot, but when it comes from someone else, it means much more & the compliments felt soo good, she just could not resist temptation. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She tells me not to tell her &#8220;I Love you&#8221;, cause she cannot return the words & when I tell her &#8220;I love you&#8221; when I leave or say good by on the phone, her response is either &#8220;OK&#8221; or &#8220;I know.&#8221; Since she has admitted to wanting attention & it is obvious when she dresses certain ways, and she does not seem motivated to curb this appetite but to rationalize it, I feel rather powerless in not saying anything. I know I am not to LB & that is why I never say anything. But honestly, don&#8217;t you think that as long as this continues I am more or less dreading water waiting for the next guy to really notice her and lay out the compliments for her to swayed away &#8211; I&#8217;m actually feeling it is not a matter of &#8220;if&#8221; as much as &#8220;when?&#8221;<p>Don&#8217;t you think we need to get some cards out on the table here? As someone else recently suggested.<p>How about if when she comes home form a day when she is wearing her provocative things I simply ask her if she got the attention she was seeking? Did she get some good compliments & ask if she would mind sharing them with me? I could ask, did she get some heads to turn & how did that make her feel? I am sure she gets some kind of a rush from this attention. How am I to know when the rush from the looks and maybe some steamy conversation are not enough & she seeks even more attention and all of a sudden, she can not resist temptation, yet again? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Any suggested dialogue here?
Thanks as always! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
HH

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[img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Again with this???????<p>I give up HH....you have worn me out.<p>And I would bet that having an attractive spouse is one of your EN!

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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Hurrian Hoosier:
[QB]Or, &#8230; seek fashion tips for when using the Thong
<<<I understand an advantage of the thong is that it avoids the unsightly &#8220;panty line.&#8221; Yesterday I notice that with her high heels (2 inches) and tight short skirt (2-3 inches above knee), that the line from the string around the waist of her thong is clearly visible. Is this a fashion Fau-poo or is this an intended &#8220;look&#8221; >><p>I wear thongs to avoid panty lines and that is definitely a fashion faux pas. Thong lines should not show through your clothes. It looks tacky. Like having a bra strap hanging out of your sleeve. <p><<<Is there anything you could suggest that would avoid this &#8220;line?&#8221; Should I point this out to her? Or would this seem too judgmental?>>><p>Some things I wear thongs/G string with. I have afew longer dresses I wear nothing with. This is to avoid lines. I would be embarassed that my thing was showing through my clothes and would be inclined to think either A: This is not the right undergarment for this outfit or B: This is either ridiculously tight or ridiculously sheer. If your wife is cultivating this look for some reason she would probably get mad if you pointed it out.<p><<< There was another time this summer when we were playing golf & on her &#8220;pose&#8221; (this is a good thing, that is recommended) after her follow thought, that with her short top and low pants, this top string of her thong had ridden up above her pants and was visible. I am not known as a fashion bug, but she has suggested to me that her dress is not intended to be &#8220;SEXY&#8221; , but fashionable .>>><p> Well, this is currently the fashion among some girls under 21. To pull this off one had better be under 21 AND have the perfect figure of Brittany Spears. On anyone with a less than flawless body it looks gross and on anyone over 21 it looks like an old lady desperately trying to be a teen (not fooling anyone) and is likely to inspire giggles from onlookers rather than admiration. <p> I like to dress sexy sometimes myself, but you have to learn to stay within your age range. I'm 34 and the latest fashions from teen magazine would make me look foolish because they are meant for teens. One can look sexy and classy at the same time if you keep that in mind. Gillian Anderson from the X files wore a thong baring dress last year to an event (she is in her early 30s) and was branded a major fashion DON'T by People magazine.<p>
It sounds like your wife is in a HUGE mid life crisis and her clothes are a major manifestation of that. It sounds like she wants her undies to show, so I can't imagine anything you say to be looked upon kindly by her. Maybe you could get her a subscription to some magazines that doesn't cater mostly to teenagers and she can see what older women (above teen years) are wearing to look sexy, but elegant. Vogue or In Style might be good.

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HH, A fashion "faux pas?" I think NOT! Don't waste your time telling her about the thong lines, etc. She knows EXACTLY what they look like and the message that they send... I will KEEP praying for you! Ladysing

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Cripes HH, it never ends!!<p>I'm sorry, but...YOUR WIFE IS HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS AND SHE ISN'T THINKING ABOUT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS. <p>You can say whatever you want to her - IT WON'T MATTER, AND IT WON'T HELP!!<p>You've got two choices: <p>Put up with her flittin' around and doing what she's doing (a'la Plan A, which to me you still don't have down if you're asking this question -- remember, if you're in Plan A, you're working on YOURSELF to make your marriage a safe place for her to return)...<p>... or ...<p>Go into Plan B. <p>I'm so sorry that you keep going through this, but at this point I have to wonder why you're asking these questions...<p>HH, you know the drill. Your W is seeing how far she can push the envelope before you crack -- don't wait until your self-esteem is in the toilet (if it isn't already).... TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF... PLEASE!!!!!!

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I don't think undergarments really should fit into a "fashion" category.
They aren't really meant to be seen unless you want them to be seen.
I can see the advantage of wearing a thong...to prevent the panty line....which is really not a very fashionable statement.
Not really fashionable to have your undies hanging out over the top of your pants or skirt either. I thought that was just a guy thing? lol<p>My personal opinion.....chuck all the panties out the window. That's what I did. WH wasn't to happy about it....but after I explained it...he understood.
He did try to get me to wear thongs.....but I explained it in detail.
Honey....if I wanted something riding up my rear end then I'd actually wear panties....I'm definately not going to wear something that is MEANT to go there.
He tried the "mother" line of.....well....what if you're in an accident. Well....that's just one less thing that they will have to cut off of me....they will probably thank me for saving them the trouble.<p>I know how much this situation bothers you.
I'm 29 and wouldn't wear the things that you've described her wearing. Not because I wouldn't look good in them.....but because I wouldn't want the attention that comes with wearing things like that.<p>I also have to say that...and I'm a bit ashamed to say this.....but it sounds to me that she would be one of those ladies that I would have to take a second glance at and say.....how old does she think she is........17....and have a little giggle.
I hope your W reaches the end of her MLC and sees the error in her fashionable ways. It's one thing to be fashionable.....it's another to try to look younger than you are....and not even do it well.
I'm not sure that applies since I don't know what your W looks like.<p>Does anyone make comments to you about the way she dresses?

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Hooser,<p>I guess this has been discussed before??<p>My opinion only. There is nothing wrong with your W wearing what you described. Heck, 2-3 inches above the knee is what I wear. Further, I wear very nice, sexy under things. Why? For me. For the way I feel when I wear them. Thongs included.<p>Give it up. Don't mention it. In other words, leave it alone. You are waisting too much energy on this. If you don't trust her any more than this, perhaps you need to divorce her.<p>JMHO<p>Amazed

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AMAZED, go back and read some of the posts by HH about his wife's attention getting outfits. You will really be AMAZED then! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

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HH -- your wife is 49.
And from YOUR posts, she sounds like a stunning attractive woman.<p>I can name 5 women in that age category that dress in the same manner that you are describing. Celebrities are considered the top of the fashion world, and are probably who your wife is emulating.<p>Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfieffer, Heather Locklear, Cher, Geena Davis. I could go on and on -- all wear hip hugging pants, crop or short tops, etc.<p>Your wife is not dressing like a freak. From your own descriptions she is wearing styles that are current. <p>Your trust is the issue -- not her sense of style.

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Thongs, butt floss, conventional undies or commando ... at this point, what does it matter.<p>HH, I am sorry your W is going thru this, but you can't control her and her Madonna/Britney Spears MLC.<p>I think this is the perfect scenario for an "emotional detachment" from the WS. You'll drive yourself nutso otherwise.<p>BTW: I wear thongs and low-rise jeans with crop and halter tops. And I'm no spring chicken.<p>Blessings,
Jo<p>[ January 16, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Miss Priss:
<strong><p>I also have to say that...and I'm a bit ashamed to say this.....but it sounds to me that she would be one of those ladies that I would have to take a second glance at and say.....how old does she think she is........17....and have a little giggle.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I agree. Not too long ago I was in Target and there was a woman of about 40 wearing very short shorts and a revealing top. She had a really good body, but she looked 40. She might have been 50 and looked 40 but she still looked too old for what she was wearing lol. She walked by some teenage boys (16,17) and after she passed they both burst out laughing. I'm sure that wasn't the kind of attention she was looking for.

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lexxxy:
<strong>HH -- your wife is 49.
And from YOUR posts, she sounds like a stunning attractive woman.<p>I can name 5 women in that age category that dress in the same manner that you are describing. Celebrities are considered the top of the fashion world, and are probably who your wife is emulating.<p>Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfieffer, Heather Locklear, Cher, Geena Davis. I could go on and on -- all wear hip hugging pants, crop or short tops, etc.<p>Your wife is not dressing like a freak. From your own descriptions she is wearing styles that are current. <p>Your trust is the issue -- not her sense of style.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>The key is that those women ar celebrities! They have a lot more leeway than the average woman (no matter how good looking) to dress in outlandish, or non age appropriate outfits. Plus they have careful lighting, makeup artists and stylist to make sure that everything stays just in place. It' s kind of like watching a high fashion runway show. Most of those clothes just don't translate to real life outside of a big city, super trendy nightclub. Even of a lot of the stars you mentioned often get slammed as "worst dressed" by magazines. Not to mention some of it depends on where you live. You can get away with a lot more if you live in New York or Los Angeles without looking silly. I think that a visible thong (sticking out of pants/skirt) on a golf course would be considered tacky by almost anyone. A slinky, body revealing dress on Geena Davis at the Oscars or low cut hip huggers on Cher at the MTV awards are miles away from your everyday, attractive 50 year old woman flaunting her undies at Walmart.

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Just a short line of defense for the thongs. I am 40-something [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] and I wear thongs, my 17 year old daughter wears them too. I wear them because they look nicer under jeans and I despise panty lines. But thong lines shouldn't be seen. If you can see them the thong doesn't fit. And just an FYI, thongs that show,above low riders ala Britney Spears, are very in for the 18-21 crowd, just ask Sisqo lol

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Isn't the point that this ISN'T ABOUT THE THONG???<p>This is about HH and his self-esteem, and about HH's W and her self-esteem, and about the relationship or lack thereof that they share.<p>If HH's wife began dressing in up in Little House on the Prairie smocks and gained 50 pounds, do you think he'd be less worried? Maybe she should let her hair get all greasy and wear Lucille Ball blue eyeshadow?? <p>I personally don't think it matters... she has been acting in an untrustworthy manner that has nothing to do with how she dresses! I have BEEN THERE -- spent most of 1999 (I turned 40 the December before) in tight jeans and t-shirts, after having lost weight. I dyed my hair blonde, never missed a day shaving my legs, painted my toe nails blood red, toyed with the idea of a tatoo and/or navel piercing... it was a MID LIFE CRISIS. <p>Today, I lost he blond hair, kept the red toe nails, decided against the tatoos and piercings, kept the tight jeans, and shave my legs every other day. (I know... too much info [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] )...<p>C'mon... HH, TAKE CARE OF YOU!! Don't worry about your W right now.

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Good points by all! I do enjoy a diversity of opinions & am I getting them here. Thanks!
I should remind you that I have been unsuccessful in getting my DW to agree to any MB principle -- First it was "my program, which was a big problem for her" then even after 5 or 6 joint counseling sessions, my DW got her way -- no formal enrichment programs of any kind -- No strategies suggested by Counselor ever carried out. In one of last sessions in August, Counselor suggested if she could make a commitment to me, that she really cared about me, this would aliviate some concerns of mine over her dress and the like -- she could not sincerely verbalise this --She said some things in a clearly sarcastic tone and like she was being "forced," so counselor quickly changed topics! That was in Late August. In Septemebr the counselor sugested a book for her on building relationships & she declined. Basically, everything is to be swept under the table & go on as if nothing happened!
Yes, it is about trust -- she expects it & almost demands it, like she sugggests that I need to get over it & go on. When I suggest that she needs to do things to earn my trust back, she gets indignant and acts insulted at the suggestion that I may not trust her entirely.
When she tells me she has this need to get attention & then proceeds to dress in sexy fashion (like Lexxxy said, in Hollywood mode,-- is there any doubt the focus on sex there?) to get this attention, it is like she is throwing this up in my face! I.E. -- New_beginnig "until I crack"
FairDust -- Vogue or Style -- good point -- she studies VS and the youth movement is in a lot of her shoppong like from the GAP and The OLDNavy.<p>LadySing -- thanks for the prayers! I do appreciate that! <p>Miss Priss -- I like the chuck the panties idea! I like your spunk!
Amazed -- you have hit it -- trust ... I've tried. I need to pray harder, cause I know she is not helping!
Resilent -- detachment -- that was word I was searching for earlier, thanks!
TinyDancer, thanks for jumping in - I agree when used as stricky underwear, I can perhaps see it.<p>Oh, BTW -- another perspective, you'll remember, her morning routine is to dress in a spare bedroom with the door closed -- full length mirror thing I suppose & she gets really upset If I come in did this by accident as I wanted to talk with her & she got mad and slamed the door in my face! -- this is one of her "private" moments.<p>Any of you have experience with setting boundaries? How does that work? Any feedback on that? I am a whimp on many things & I need to truely understand the prinicple & reheasrse a script almost to be effective. The boundaries I understand are for me & to comminucate them to her & offer consequences.<p>I have come to believe that she is a "sick" person, not a "bad" person and I am probably best to dis-associate (detachment I believe is proper word --again, thank you resilent! & best of luck with your new journey!) -- a lot of my feeling for her. To focus on me, as many have suggested.
I like talking about you, you, usually, but once in a while I want to talk about me! You have to tune in on TMC -- Toby Keith -- he be the man!
Thanks again for allowing my vents!
Peace,
HH<p>[ January 16, 2002: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]<p>[ January 16, 2002: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]</p>

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Yeah HH,
I have to agree with most here who say it's NOT COOL because your W is insensitive to your feelings all the way around. Her behavior has not changed, and she may never change. Eventually, she may change the way she dresses, but even then, what would it matter if she is continuously insensitive to YOUR feelings and your painful triggers.<p>Her exhibitionism is a TRIGGER and it BOTHERS you, you are entitled to your feelings, and I support you.<p>Sorry if you, the BS can't just GET OVER IT when your WS has a sexual addiction and history of serial cheating in the wake of her MLC!!!<p>It's just going to take a lot of patience and time and yes, all the emotional detachment you can muster, like Resilient said. It's difficult for you because you have such a vivid memory.<p>You gotta stop nursing and rehearsing the painful memories, it's like reopening wounds before they get a chance to heal.<p>Still, it's NOT COOL to show your thong above the waist band. It's just an excuse to feed her addiction and irritate you. I wouldn't appreciate it either, especially if I expressed my discomfort and insecurity to my H and he blatantly ignored me. If she didn't want to change, why did she get married?

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BINthere,
Thanks! Detachment is the word I am focusing on right now, as I mention in this post.<p>Issue of control or lack of respect or combination of both ?? -- I don&#8217;t think it really matters at this point, just another aspect to add to my diary here:<p>This is not, I repeat, not a big deal, but I thought some might find it interesting to add to my story. as I realize it can be entertaining in a way, the dances we do. I definitely get the sense that she is continually &#8220;working me&#8221; at every little turn, to beat me down. I sometimes get the sense that it is her objective to work me down so that I have absolutely no say in virtually anything! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We officially listed our house for sale Tuesday evening & yesterday morning we are preparing things for a potential &#8220;showing.&#8221; A part of this included securing our Siberian Huskie in the laundry area in the basement. We have a gate and Tuesday evening I suggested to my W that in addition to propping up against this entry way that when she left to pull these two file boxes over behind the gate. She promptly stated that that was not necessary that she could angle the gate a certain way & it would be secured. I said I did not see how that would work &#8211; she said, sure it will! I did get a little defensive & said something like, well God forbid, if you ever follow one of my suggestions &#8211; it started to get heated up, so I dropped it. <p>Wednesday morning, before I leave I ask her if she wants me to move the boxes over (like if she felt they were too heavy & she got defensive & said no, unless this is &#8220;an issue for you!&#8221; I said no & backed off &#8211; Although our dog is the most gentle creature on earth, having her run around and jump up on someone is not a good thing when they want to tour the house. <p>Guess what, yesterday evening the gate is down & our dog has the full run of the basement &#8211; not a big deal because we did not have anyone drop by to view the house. I did not make a big deal about it &#8211; this morning I had the boxes behind the gate & my DW did not object! Now if she is loose (our dog, that is!) I can guarantee it is because she jumped over the gate.<p>I get the sense that if she followed my suggestions even once in a great while, to her, it would be like an admission of inferiority or some submissive attitude or something? To have peace and quiet it seems like I have to always agree with her way & just say, &#8220;Yes, dear, whatever you wish or desire, dear.&#8221; <p>I am much better today &#8211; doing my detachment thing! <p>Selling the house may offer good opportunity for a serious plan B discussion &#8211; come to Jesus meeting.<p>Thanks again for all of your patience as I ramble on with my venting here!<p>Peace be with you!<p>HH

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Fairydust - D'oh! I'm 22, and I followed that fashion statement for a few months while going out (before the pregnancy, of course!). Oh God, I'm an old lady trying to be a teen! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Seriously HH, from what I've seen at West Coast clubs, the peekaboo thong is most commonly worn with hip-hugger jeans or leather pants, along with a crop top. But yeah, you need a pretty hot figure to pull it off. And I have only seen this look when going out to clubs - I've never actually seen it on the street (maybe in CA).

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Carolina Belle:
<strong>
Seriously HH, from what I've seen at West Coast clubs, the peekaboo thong is most commonly worn with hip-hugger jeans or leather pants, along with a crop top. But yeah, you need a pretty hot figure to pull it off. And I have only seen this look when going out to clubs - I've never actually seen it on the street (maybe in CA).</strong><hr></blockquote>
Carolina Belle,
Thanks for input! Somone else used term "Crop Top" -- what exactly is that?
Peace, [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
HH

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Definition of "Crop Top":<p>A top that appears as tho you took sizzors and cut off the bottom half so your tummy shows, ala belly button w/ or wo/belly button ring (aka BBR).<p>Jo

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