I don&#8217;t even remember the last time I posted, suppose it was sometime over the weekend. I would just like some thoughts as to what a few of you think. When he first moved out on a Friday, for the third time, he said this was it. He had made his choice, he loves both of us, but prefers her. By Monday he was calling telling me how confused he was and how much he missed me and that he was thinking of me when with her now. That had never happened to him the first two times he moved out, he only missed the kids then, now he misses me too and it makes him confused as all heck. He said what he really wanted was some time away from both of us so he could sort his feelings out. I think I&#8217;m being pretty good about that, I don&#8217;t really know if he&#8217;s holding her to it or not because I have told myself that I won&#8217;t ask any questions about them (at least I try my hardest).<p>Last weekend, I went to a hotel and WH stayed at house with kids. He took them swimming on Sunday and asked me to meet him to swap the kids at the pool. I told him (in a nice way) that I had plans and since he wasn&#8217;t living at home anymore and I&#8217;d have to deal with everything for at least the next week until we decided what to do for the next weekend, that he would have to bring the kids home when they were done swimming.<p>He couldn&#8217;t have been too mad because when he brought them home he gave me a hug and we all sat and talked about their weekend. He went to our bedroom and laid on the bed. I laid down near him and he put his arms out to hold me. That feels so good. Of course, one thing lead to another and, anyway, I guess he wasn&#8217;t mad at me.<p>He left, told the kids he had to go to the office. We&#8217;re playing that game again, he goes to the office late and works out early in the morning. He did come home in the A.M. to get the kids on the bus and we talked for a little while Monday morning before he left for work. Later in the day he called and something he said really disturbed me. He said &#8220;If I come back I&#8217;ll be spending the rest of my life making it up to you&#8221;. <p>He didn&#8217;t come home Tuesday morning for the bus but he did call and the first thing out of his mouth was &#8220;I miss you&#8221;. I told him I missed him and loved him too, but I also told him that what he said about making it up to me for the rest of his life disturbed me. I let him know that I had a part in this too and that I would also be making it up to him for the rest of my life. Making up, isn&#8217;t that a fun thing to do. I know I didn&#8217;t cause him to have the A, but our bad communication skills and my losing sight of him needing me too, not just the kids, didn&#8217;t help him to feel loved. He just felt like a paycheck around here and I just felt like a maid. <p>My father&#8217;s birthday is Saturday an he asked me to think of an excuse for him to tell her so that he can be with us Saturday and go to the party and stay at the house Saturday night. I feel like the OW now. Of course I thought of a great excuse for him to use and he must have told her last night. Evidently he has to be with her Friday night because she didn&#8217;t know anything about him not being around on Saturday until yesterday. He called again this morning and said he can&#8217;t wait to come home Saturday to spend the day with all of us. I don&#8217;t know if he plans on staying the night Saturday (I hope he does), but I&#8217;m not going to press. One day at a time. At least he will go to the birthday party with me and have fun with my family. He loves them and they adore him.
He called me again after his appointment this afternoon and said how this one guy at the appointment told him he had met me and how nice I was. He said I felt like saying &#8220;I know she is, am I crazy or what&#8221;. He then said to me how this is all so crazy and what the heck were we doing and how the heck did we get here and did I feel crazy too. I couldn&#8217;t really talk cause a neighbor was here. I told him we&#8217;d talk later as he is coming home for dinner tonight before one of his meetings. He also said that his appointment cancelled for Thursday night and asked if he could come home for dinner again Thursday. There&#8217;s no way I would have said no to that one. Let&#8217;s see if he really does. Oh well, what do you guys and girls, you WS&#8217;s and BS&#8217;s think about the situation I&#8217;m in. Am I on the right track or am I being taken advantage of. I really have to believe that some of our prayers are being answered and maybe he&#8217;s starting to see things for how they really will be.<p>Thanks for listening, hope I get some responses.

I'm bumping with the hopes that one of great veterans will have some advice!!

Well i don't have a lot of insight but itseems as tho the fog has begun to lift.<p>I would suggest you take it light and easy...sounds like you kind of have done that. No heavy talks and let him lead the way.<p>In the meantime don't let the roller coaster get too high or too low for you.<p>I hope it all works out...<p>Best of luck <p>E

Thanks for your advice. Dinner went well and he asked again about coming home for dinner tomorrow night and of course I said we'd love it. <p>He mentioned to me that the OW was very upset about him being home Saturday night. He said that all she asked was would they be spending any night together this weekend, he said Friday right away and she said "why are you going to be home on Saturday night" and right after he said yes. he said that she started screaming "well you might as well stay there". He said that it was so loud he had to move the phone away from his ear. Oh, so sad that he calmed her down and explained that I was going to a baby shower and then to take my turn to spend the night with my grandparents. This of course is all a total lie, I will be home all day Saturday and Saturday night we will be with my parents for my dad's birthday. I don't know if he is planning on staying overnight, but I assume that he is and I don't mind one bit. I did tell him that I feel like the other woman now.<p>He said that he's pretty sure that he doesn't want a divorce because if he did he feels he would have made a move in that direction. He has been telling the OW that we have not told the kids yet because I absolutely refuse to discuss it, another lie. He's afraid to tell her any truths because if he does she'll get mad and probably leave or at least blow up at him, which i certainly wouldn't mind. I think he's finally beginning to believe the thing about the OW and WS only letting each other see what they want the other to see, because he is certainly doing just that.<p>Thanks again for your advice. I'm trying not to let the roller coaster go too high, and I hope i didn't do anything to make him feel like I was getting my hopes up. The only thing I think I may have made a mistake on is telling him that if he does decide to come back, I would like to see a new counselor, one that practices the MB principles. hope that wasn't too pushy.

Hmmm! So, your H is lying to the OW, huh? You're supposed to be going to a baby shower?<p>Betcha that the OW will start spying to see if you're really gone from home while he's there...so, it seems to me that leaving your car parked in the driveway and letting yourself be seen in your front yard would be a good idea. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Then, sit back and let her LB!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

He's coming home for dinner again tonight. Said he is not staying though, he will tell the kids he has to go back to the office. That's o.k., One day at a time. I just keep praying and hoping that this fog will lift soon. I've learned so much these last few months. I hope I have the opportunity to practice on him and not some other lucky fellow. Wish me luck tonight!

I have to agree that it sounds like you all are on the right track. However, I am curious about you giving him his cake and letting him eat it too? I'm sure you miss the SF parts of your relationship with him but it's seeming like he can have both of you and he can come and go as he pleases with both of you. Maybe I am wrong but I do not think having sex with him is a good idea, ESPECIALLY since he's still having contact (and probably sex)with the OW.<p>Bluebird

I hear what your saying, but it's a big EN of his and something we really connect well with. I'm not going to push any of the wrong buttons, I love my husband and he loves me, I think he's finally starting to come out of the fog. I had a part in our marriage not being the best that it could be too. We both have healing and forgiving to do. I really do appreciate your advice, I just feel I'm so close. Do I make any sense???