Sure they would...how many posts have you seen here alone from people talking about how, oh gee whiz, they don't MEAN to, but they sure can't help LB'ing all over the place and constantly throwing the affair up into the WS's face long after the fact.<p>Guess what, people...a truly repentant WS is probably gonna be hurting from what they've done for the rest of their lives. It does absolutely no good whatsoever to drag it back up...they haven't forgotten...they'll never forget...and "reminding" them of how hurt you were is just a control tactic, and an unfair one at that.

You have to look at another perspective of the parents knowing. There might be something mentally wrong with their son/daughter. This might be a service to the parents to find help for their s/d. As for my H OW, her counselor thinks there is something definitely mentally wrong with her, there is mental problems in her genes, her father is mentally unstable, and her sister is mentally unstable. This might get the parents attention to get their daughter to a doctor for help. <p>I would by all means want my (now) parent to know of my actions that were unfaithful, adultery, and sinful. To have had 2 for sure and a possible 3rd, makes the OW in our case, and sociopath.<p>Get the investigator, and go for it. They can get the #, as I was told, and I would to it in a fashion of tone of voice that was very soothing and comforting to the parents. Tell them all that you know, and say I think there is a serious problem with your s/d.

I can't believe that this is even being seriously considered.<p>Stick to worrying about the people and the relationships in your life that are YOUR business. Not meaning to be harsh, but really just disbelieving and frustrated about anyone seriously considering this as a valid option.<p>Do you really want to save your relationship or not?

Since we haven't heard from on track maybe she no longer cares about saving the relationship. She says he's been on the fence for year maybe she just wants movement one way or another. Who Knows?<p>Besides she asked how to do it not should she do it.

So, as a WS with perspective on this, I should just stand aside and let this person destroy their marriage with a rather short-sighted and selfish act? Fine...I was really just trying to help...but I can't seem to say a word around here without pi*&^ng somebody off...<p>I can't give anything here, advice-wise...so I'll come back when I have a question or issue. A WS's been there point-of-view obviously isn't what most people here wanna hear...they tune it out and then scratch their heads because they can't relate to their own WS's. Amazing...I may sound like an idiot, but I'm the one who's probably thinking a lot of the things that your WS are thinking.<p>Of course you can't relate...until you're willing to use a little empathy and really try. I guess it's foolish of me to assume that we're all here to make our relationships better and/or "save" them.

TTF, I really value your opinion, I often agree with what you are saying and enjoy your perspective on things. Please don't feel that way. I'd like to learn more as to why my WW made the choices that she has and I wish more Ws would be on this site. I'd really love to talk to you some time. sincerely, thanks for being here!

This may sound strange coming from a WS, but I do have values and morales.... **shaking my head**... (where were they?) One thing I tell my sons is that they "own" their actions and they will forever. If you are ashamed of people knowing something that you did, it is more than likely that you KNOW it is wrong. And wrong being morally unacceptable. It takes great courage to stand up and own everything that you have done using bad judgement, but I honestly believe that when you have to share your "bad judgement" that is when you truly learn from your mistakes.

Just a thought, but what makes you think her parents don't already know? As an OW, I can tell you that many members of my family do know of my relationship, and the circumstances under which it happened. They certainly don't condone the situation, but also realize that I'm an adult that makes my own choices for my life.<p>I'm not trying to hurt anyone by being here so I hope you don't mind the opinion of an OW.

I am a BS and I didn't offer advice because, to me, it just didn't sound like a good idea...and I didn't want to contribute to it. As a BS I have had the thoughts of doing the same thing. I wanted to, and still want to at times, destroy the OW. Everytime, I have thankfully gotten ahold of myself and tried to focus my attentions on myself, my children, and yes even my WH. <p>But this poster doesn't seem to care about any "advice" of that nature. I think it is true that she was looking for help on finding what she thought she needed...and I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. So before the WS and OP jump on the BS for not responding to this post, I just ask them to think of that. <p>As for the how much penance is enough and the WS is hurting too...I think that every couple has to decide what is enough, what is acceptable, or more to the point when the WS is TRULY repentant. <p>I can understand WS frustration of this how much is enough...but trust is HARD to earn after an A, and a WS has had more time to understand the A because they know all the details, they know when it is truly over, they just plain know when they are recommitted...and is seems a lot of WS can't understand how we BS can't see it. We just need time, in most cases. So, yeah, maybe we lovebust occasionally...maybe some more often than others...but sheesh that seems more than expected.<p>I appreciate the feelings and ideas and stories from WS. Sometimes I appreciated the same information from OP, though it is harder to read, and I almost NEVER reply. So I would hate for WS and OP to be chased from these boards. But sometimes WS and OP write things in such a way that it is almost asking for us BS to spit fire. You can say something someone doesn't want to hear or isn't ready to hear...but if you say it in the wrong tone or with the wrong motivation...I think you deserve the verbal assaults that come with it. Just my opinion.