--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello,
I'm hoping for some advice, maybe someone out there can help. I have been with my husband for 6 years, married to him for 2 of those 6. I have 1 daughter and he has a son and daughter. We've always had problems in the past with his ex-wife but somehow we managed to make it through it all. Last year his son came to live with us and this year his daughter. He works midnights so I am home with the kids at night. I get upset because when an issue comes up with his kids he acts as though I don't have the right to an opinion but yet I'm okay to watch them all night. He still will not stand up to his ex. She is still receiving child support when we have both the kids living with us. I finally got him to set an appointment with the FOC to do something about it after almost 2 years.Lately he has a new friend from work that he hangs out with. He has told me himself the guy is an alcoholic. He is divorced and has no life basically but to hang out at the bar. At lunch they go to the bar.My husband started drinking alot lately. In the last month he has been with this guy and not came home twice now from going out until the next day. After the first time he promised it wouldn't happen again then it did a week and a half later. He doesn't talk to me about anything anymore. He yells at me all the time and the kids also. The second time he didn't come home I told him I was not going to live like this, wondering where he is or if he's alive or not. He told me I don't have to he's a big boy and he brings home a pay check so he can do whatever he wants, and if I want a divorce that's fine with him. He has since apologized and told me he loves me and he would like for things to work out,but he still yelling at me and it's as if I can't do anything right in his eyes. I also work and go to school and take care of his 2 kids and mine.He tells me he has to much stress. Yes he does work alot of hours and he goes to school 2 nights a week too, but he doesn't want to do anything around the house or with me.But if this friend calls he's all willing to do something. He tells me that him, this friend and 2 other guys are going to Vegas next month. I really want to trust him and want for him to have a good time but knowing who he's going with makes me uneasy. Also, neither of us has been there and we said we would go together for the first time. Now it seems as if he moving on without me, and I feel that I'm only here to take care of the kids. (Which I love as my own)I have tried to tell him how I feel but he says that I'm just nagging him and he doesn't want to hear it. I don'tunderstand why or where things changed. I thought I was doing everything he wanted. But it seems that he just can'tbe pleased. He swears he is not having an affair and I actually believe him. There is a 9 year difference between us. I am 27 and he is 36. He has had a hard time dealing with getting older the last two years or so. Could this possibly be a midlife crisis that will pass? I don't know where to turn. I don't want to end my marriage, I love him very much.I just don't understand how this 1 man can have such an influence on him that he is willing to risk losing everything we have worked so hard for. He really can be the sweetest person and he does do nice things like make me breakfast but I don't know if it's out of guilt or what. He doesn't like me to question him about anything. And our sex life well there really isn't much of one. He says it's because he is getting older.(help)
If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it.

I hate to be negative, but if he hasn't started an affair yet .... it probably is coming based on your description of his behavior. He is hanging out with someone that enjoys the singles life and pretty soon he will want to enjoy it too.<p>If you love him and are 100% sure that you want to save this marriage .... I suggest that you try to fill as many of his emotional needs as fast as possible ... stand your ground about not accepting the "not coming home" behavior ... and request that you two go to marriage counseling ASAP.<p>Your post just made me sad ... his behavior is the first step down a slippery hill. Based on my experience, no spouse should ever go to a bar at night without the other spouse. (Sunday during the day for football is probably an exception to the rule.) A taxi can always bring you home if you can't drive ... there really is no excuse for him not to come home at night.

Welcome to MB!<p>I have been hanging around here for 3 mos now.... I don't post much but read daily for my own moral support. I am an alcoholic. Liquor has been a part of my life for 25 years. I'm now 42. I startes drinking heavier when I was 36 also. For 5 years it progressively got worse, until I was hiding bottled at home and starting my haze at lunchtime.(I work out of my house) My beautiful wife asked me many times to stop, but I 'was in control' (I thought). This past Oct. my career was in jepardy and my wife of 20 years was moving towards divorce. I wanted to kill myself......Then I picked myself up and went to Alcoholics Anonymous. I can not tell you the difference it has made. I have not had a drop in over 3 mos and have lost 65lbs (back to my college wt.). It took for me to 'hit bottom' to realize what I had become. Your husband does not have to go that low. There is help for him if he is willing to admit to a PROBLEM and willing to accept AA's help.<p>Alcoholism is a disease. Some of us can not take a drink without something going 'haywire' both mentally and physically inside of us. We can never be 'social drinkers'. god did not put us together that way.<p>Please think of your husband as having a disease. It is not just lack of will power. Women can attest to this with chocolate cravings. But alcohol carvings are 20 to 25 times more powerful. There are medical tests showing this. If youe husband will not (or is not yet ready) to seek out AA, then you should go to an Alanon meeting (for spouses of alcoholics). It will help you understand and deal with your situation.<p>Let your husband read this post. My situation was VERY similar when I was 36. Please let him learn from my mistakes and avoid the road I would do ANYTHING to change.<p>My marriage in shaky but I'm an optomistic person who loves his wife completely! When I was a drunk, booze was my love, not my wife. Please understand that 'haze' your husband is in. He craves liquor more than you, the kids, his job, his school, you name it. It's a disease and he needs help. Buy him the 'Big Book' at AA. He may not read it right away, but it will help you.<p>Let me know if I can help in any way. An alcoholic needs other alcoholics to help him.<p>My prayers are with you tonite.....<p>Gibby1