I am really starting to believe that my husband is the type of person who just can't be married. He wants his freedom, I am not supposed to ask where or who he is with.<P>I am really starting to believe that he has been cheating on me since day 1.<P>Today I can home to find a porno movie in the VCR. Now my daughter (2 1/2) is always putting tapes in the VCR. She knows how to work it. God my shock when she turned the TV and there were two girls going at it.<P>Why does she have to be subjected to his sick lifestyle?<P>Again last night, he didn't come home again from work. Looked at his underwear this morning and there were stains on them. He denies everything. Says he was at work. He only promised a week ago (10 times in 4 months I might add) that he would call if he is going to be late. He worked until midnight and didn't come home until 1:45 a.m. 1/2 hour after I beeped him (about the time it takes him to get home from his job). So if he was at work when I beeped, why didn't he just call back. His excuses are so pathethic lately too. <P>I just started a new job on Tuesday and don't need this. So again I got hardly any sleep because I just kept thinking about where and who he was with. Had to go to work with red eyes and bags. Everyone keep asking me what was wrong. I left my previous job because I was so embrassed about what my husband did that I couldn't face them anymore. Now he is doing it again.<P>Why is it so hard for a man to commit to a marriage?<P><BR>

myhubbycheats, <P>i know exactly how you feel. i feel the same way. my H has always gone out one or two nights a week and i trusted him completely. then i found out about the affair. <P>now, after saying he wants to work on the marriage he is still going out one or two nights a week. and i know he is still with the OW. <BR>he is so stupid, if i come home and re-dial the phone it dials to her work. his lies are pathetic. <P>i really don't know why he is here. or why i haven't kicked him out. but i am ready to. he wants freedom and trust, but doesnt' want to put any effort into our life. <P>i am sorry to sound negative, i wish that i had better advice for you. but the fact is if you think he is cheating, then he may be. <P>and worse than that is you do not trust him at all. i don't trust my husband either because he has done nothing to earn that trust back. is this any way to live our lives?<P>it is probably a mid-life crisis, the poor thing. (yea, right) while we hold down a job, the house, the kids, and they have no resposiblities but themselves. <P>you know from already being betrayed, that you will have to have hard evidence to ever get an honest answer from him, so don't accuse unless you know for sure. <P>maybe he is the type of person that can't be married. i think that of my h too. now i wish that is could get the courage to show him the door and let him experience life without me. i bet they would be back within weeks. and if not, then they were not worth it. it takes guts, and i don't have them yet, but i am close.<P>are you on anti-depressants. if not, they may help take the edge off and focus on your job. also see a councelor helps. and do alot of nice things for yourself. don't worry about him so much!!<BR>

Your situation sounds very much like mine. When we first got married, my H was always coming home late, claiming to not get his pages or some other crap. I believe that he cheated on me during that time. This happened for the first year and a half of our marriage. I thought very seriously about leaving him, but I never had hard proof that he was cheating, so I stayed. Now we have a baby and I feel like I need to make this marriage work. His attitude lately has been much improved, he comes home when he says he is, he doesn't spend every night at the bar, and he treats me better. There is still some improvements needed, but it's much better than before. I used to feel like you feel. Like he wasn't ready for married life and that he just wasn't cut out for it. Sometimes I wish that I had left him back when I first thought he was cheating on me. But then I wouldn't have my son, so I don't know. <BR>I had a similar underwear thing happen to me, except my husband come home without _any_ on. He says that he didn't put any on that morning which he has done before, but I was still suspisious. <BR>What I did was tell him that I couldn't take him being so inconsiderate and disrespectful of me. I tried not to do it in anger, just calmly telling him every time he came home late, "you know, I would really appreciate if you would call me when you are going to be late so that I don't worry that you've been in an accident." It took 3 years, but I think it's finally sinking in. <BR>I agree with kasey that you should do nice things for yourself. I think it's important not to forget yourself, no matter what you decide to do.

God, it is so frightening that there are so many of us woman out there who have husbands like we do. Doesn't anyone believe in commitment and understand what those vows meant when they said I do.<P>Had another huge blow-up with my husband today. God I freaked out so bad. I was like a manic. And he let me out of the house, into my car with my daughter. Never even tried to stop me. <P>The thing that pissed me off the most was in the middle of our fight, the phone rings and not only did he answer it, but had a conversation. So when I said something to him, he said well, what was I supposed to do. Well, let's see tell your father that I'm in the middle of something and I have to call you back. You do it to me enough.<P>But my husband only thinks of himself. I mean the way I feel today is I just wanted to end everything. I couldn't even look my daughter in the eye today. She keeps asking me why I'm so sad. Why do children have to get caught in the middle of all this? They don't deserve it anymore than we do.<P>So since we were fighting when he had to leave for work, I'll bet you he won't come home again tonight. That is his way of dealing with these kinds of situations.<P>MOre later. I can't stop crying.<P>Donna

Donna,<P>No real advice, just want you to know you are not alone in your feelings.<P>So much in these posts could have been written by me, not coming home form work after a fight; excuses about broken/missed pages; and very painful-stained underwear.<P>I've been there but we don't have children, I can only imagine how much more painful this is for you when you need to be a strong parent on top of everything else!<P>((((((((((((( Donna ))))))))))))))<P>tj

Donna, <P>I know exactly how you feel. My husband always avoids conflict too. Usually it is him that walks out cursing and slaming the door, only to return later as if nothing happened.<P>I feel a big blow out coming my way too. I just can not handle it any more. I have been too nice and understanding and he continues his relationship with the OW. <P>You have to stop crying and start taking care of yourself. You have to do it for your daughter. I have to too for my children. It is hard when all you can think about is how selfish your H is being. But you have try to put yourself first right now and figure out how you are going to make your life happy again. Do you think you can be happier without him? Do you trust him to not hurt you again? <P>You do not know if there is anything going on, so don't assume that until you have proof. I don't know how you can do it if he will not be honest, but it is better to know for sure before you make any decisions. <P>Stop crying and start making yourself happy. Picking fights is not going to make you any happier. You must do some real soul searching and find out what you really want out of this too short life. And please don't assume until you have proof. <P>I know this is easier said than done. I am trying to do the same thing. When we are happy with ourselves, then our children benifit. But with all this stress our children suffer. You make the choice, do not let anyone dictate your happiness.<P>let me know how you are doing. I just got home from a bridal shower and cried all the way home too. It is too painful to see a soon-to-be-bride so happy and think that i too was happy like her and look where i am just 6 years later.

You're never going to get anywhere because your husband disrespects you. I've listened to Dr. Laura give the following advice to wives in your exact situation...<P>Embarrass him. Humiliate him. Be an actress and do the following...<P>Go to HIS work and proposition his boss in front of all the co-workers. Tell his boss so everyone can hear that you need a real man sexually for a change. When his boss looks confused, write your name and phone number on a piece of paper and stick it in his shirt pocket while all the co-workers look on.<P>Then march out of the office (and never sleep with his boss). The office gossip will spread like wildfire. Your husband will feel the same pain you've been feeling for so long. It will definitely get his attention.<P>And he WILL develop a more healthy respect for you for a change. Otherwise, tatoo WELCOME on your chest and keep being a doormat.<P>Do it for your little girl's sake. I wish my mother had.<P><BR>

After 25 years of marriage (5-99) I caught my husband with my "best friend" going to a local motel.He told me he did not want to be marriage anymore 25yrs to long with one woman.This came out of no where. My whole life is torn apart along with my 2 children.I have been sick since July. He tells us he does not want to be married anymore and wants to be on his own "mid-life crisis". But he does have my friend to keep him company during the day and early evening.Thank God she needs to go home to her 2 younger children at night so she does not sleep over his apt.Even though he has told me he is not coming back I still love him. 25 yrs was a long time together.What makes this affair even harder is that the OW lives only 5 houses away from me so we see her car come and go day and night and my family knows where she is going. I do not know how much more I can take. I have lots of friends and his family that are on my side but I am still very lonely and mixed up.Good luck to all!