How do you handle it when WS lecture you about how bad it is for the kids if the parents are divorced? That the kids&#8217; well being should be important. The family together is the security to their world. That BS should think about before doing anything to break the family. And on and on.<p>And when ask if they thought about before they did what they did. The answer is that was then, we are talking about now or the future. So does that mean it is OK for WS to do, huh? But yet, BS still have to wait for WS to be ready to work on the marriage or keep the family intact while WS doing something they are not supposed to do.<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

I'm not a WS, but I have a lot of experience with one and with this board. Most could rationalize killing the Pope. If they're in the fog, they make up their own reality.

it really is a two way street isnt it!!<p>i have that same sense about having to wait until the BS decides to work on the marriage or keep the family while they do something they arnt supposed to be doing... <p>the idea that it unreasonable for the WS to have had some realization that what the did then was wrong and to have learned from it is impossible for you to believe?<p>why would it be neccessary to combine the two events? to punish the WS? whats the objective? to save the marriage, improve the relationship? or drive home the point that the WS made a huge mistake and now that mistake justifies what ever you want to dole out?<p>your response just dosnt jive for me with wanting to succeed. wanting your ws to have learned from what happened and to act differently. seems that acting differently brought a really negative rehashing of what was instead of what could be..<p>sorry not looking to argue either but while i understand the hurt.. the position send me sideways

Hey OOOO,<p>You do know what kind of talk that is right?!?!? Babble babble babble. Part truth part nonsense. <p>So how do you respond? Hm....<p>H: Yes dear, the family should stay together and all family members need to contribute their share of value to the family. That does include how we all interact.<p>W: Well I am not sure about how I feel about U. <p>H: Hm.... now you have put a crimp in this. Please explain how you bring value to this entire family?<p>W: Well, I cook, clean, wash, run household, help with homework, errands, etc. You know the usual stuff. <p>H: Ok, this is stuff that could be done by a non family member. So let's concentrate on family value...... like care, concern, love and loyalty. <p>Here's how I feel I bring family value.
Here's how our child (do it by individual) brings family value. Ok your turn.....<p>********************************
Well, something like that. Essence is that it gets refocused to family value and that includes you. <p>L.

What Orchid said is exactly right. I wish I could take WS babble and turn it around into something useful like that.<p>I guess WS's comment can be taken as a good sign though. It sounds like she has a commitment to the family structure. Do you think you could get her to expand on this without LB'ing. Say something like- Yes, the kids deserve to be in a family where the parents can give them a good solid example of a marriage built on love, honesty, commitment, respect and fidelity (better not use that last one), where these ideals actually mean something and is not just lip service so that when they get married, they do not have an unhealthy marriage. <p> And when ask if they thought about before they did what they did. I have asked the same question knowing darn well what the answer would be, its an LB for me so I quit asking it. If they were thinking, they wouldn't have done what they did.<p>But yet, BS still have to wait for WS to be ready to work on the marriage or keep the family intact while WS doing something they are not supposed to do. Yep, sucks though, but this is all part of Plan A. Remember, you have time and patience on your side, you are in control of the situation even though WS thinks she is.<p>From reading your posts, I honestly think you are making progress. Just the fact that you are talking like you are is a good, positive sign.

maybe that's her way of telling you that she doesn't want you guys to get divorced without having to admit to anything. this approach could come from the controlling side of her.
She seems to be concerned about that a lot lately. Look, SHE even offered for you to come back and sleep in your room on the weekends! I think she feels threatened and is trying to hang on however she knows how to.