Conqueror,
Yes you are right as far as the lies of omission. Your prior pain oozes from your post and regardless of whsat the BS here believe my intentions to be, as one woman to another I say I am truly sorry you had to go through that. I hope you two are making progress and are happy.
GeezLouise,
No, you did not offend me. Due to my current status as OW I expected some harsh replies. <p>Welcome to Marriage Builders and I hope that you receive as much insight as I have as to why these horrible things happen. Sometimes the outcome if wonderful and other times it is not so good. But with the help of people who have "been there" perhaps we can learn from one another's mistakes.<p>Thank you for the welcome!<p>Resilient,<p>Maybe you could meet a nice SG at a church function. You could take the kids with you to church, almost all church communities have school/play activities for the children during services. Quite a few have Singles activities as well, aside from Sunday services. <p>I live in a SMALL town. My church has activities for the children, but none for Singles. There just is not enough of them to warrant it. <p>zorweb,
There are so many things you could do to meet single men... There are plenty of internet sites for singles to meet singles. Then there are the parents without partners organizations, churchs, etc. So that excuse does not hold water... nope don't buy it at all.<p>I have never been into the idea of meeting men on line. If they lie to you in person, they will lie on the net. There is not a Parents Without Partners organization within 150 miles of where I live.
Yes, I can live w/out a man. However, I do have needs as any other human being for intimacy, support, and friendship. I am not saying it is morally right, but at the moment that is what my MM offers me.<p>sfmc.
1. My son's father lives in Fla. - pays CS and is involved w/ son. My little girl's father lives in this town, pays CS, and has little contact. For those thinking my kids are "warped" they do not know MM#1 is married (he helps my son w/ baseball practice, homework, and has even baked cakes w/ my daughter. He has gone to both school for PTA meetings, was the Easter Bunny for my little girl's school Easter egg hunt, and attended the father/daughter tea at her school). Everyone (including new MM) say leave him alone, but it is hard when he has been so good to us. If a day or two goes by and he does not come around my little girl is on the phone to him.
2. Yes, been married once. Was totally in love w/ him etc. Had to leave him because he was very jealous (unjustly) after we got married. He then began to get physical. I left. I knew I could not expose my kids to that.
3. Yes, my parents are divorced. My mom is a celebrated ob/gyn (who has no influence over my behavior) and my dad is a psychologist.
4.& 5. I am financially independent. I work and get almost $1,000 a month in CS. Both men have helped me financially. My XMM helps out more I believe. He does stuff like buy groceries, vcr/tv for my room, he gave me the downpayment on my new house, he buys gifts for the kids, and he bought my D's school clothes last year 0- we went out of town to a huge outlet mall and he spent $800 on her - she was the best dressed first grader at her school. He also still pays for her dance lessons because I told her she needed to limit some of her activities - keeping up w/ her is a fulltime job. She went to him and of course he agreed to pay it. Believe me if it were not for the history that me and this man has shared I would have been took a restraining order on him, but he has a sweet side. My son's best friend does not have as much. When it came time to sign up for basketball practice this past season, he didn't have the $. I was venting to XMM about hoew frustrated I get that his mom never sees about him. My XMM drove the my son, the boy, and me into town - bought the shoes and went to rec dept and paid the fees. He has a good heart. My new MM pays my home phone bill, my cell phone bill (he purchased), and my beeper bill (also his purchase). He bought the kids gifts for Xmas although he is not allowed to be around them. Neither support me so to speak, they just help out.
6. The only abuse per sa that I have suffered was from XH - who wanted to use physical force to control me
7. Yes, I feel all children can benefit from a positive male influence. New MM is not allowed to be around my kids. XMM had already coveted a relationship w/ them. Right or wrong, I have chosen not to break it up.
I will be more than happy to answer any other questions you have.<p>Fairydust,
I really enjoyed your reply. Clueless, maybe. However, if I thought the relationship w/ XMM was at all detrimental to kids he'd be out of here in a new york minute. Their relationship is positive. Both my kids are happy, popular, involved in after school activities, are active in the church, talented, on the honor roll, and my 14-year-old even holds down a part time job.

SOW22MM <p>RE: My XMM helps out more I believe. He does stuff like buy groceries, vcr/tv for my room, he gave me the downpayment on my new house, he buys gifts for the kids, and he bought my D's school clothes last year 0- we went out of town to a huge outlet mall and he spent $800 on her - she was the best dressed first grader at her school. He also still pays for her dance lessons because I told her she needed to limit some of her activities - keeping up w/ her is a fulltime job.<p>OK let's get real here. XMM's and MM's wifes are also helping to support you. I suggest that you write both of them thank you letters. Do you realize that you are stealing money from the wifes? Yes, they both work to help support their families, not to support you. How can you accept gifts from men that are not their's to give?<p>Tell me, your children have so many benefits from the money these men are pouring into your household. How much to MM#1's and MM#2's children benefit from this? You and your children are taking away from the money and time that belong to their children (and their wives).<p>As for meeting single men on line. Yes men can lie on line just as they can lie in person. The purpose of meeting men on line is simply to meet them. After that, once you meet them in person, the relationship is no different then any other. You meet them, get to know then, go carefully, meet their family, freinds, etc. And you learn about them. And if they are not telling the truth you will find out in due time. But it seems to me that it is not important to you if a person is a lier or not. So what does that matter?<p>You said that you are going out with these men because you have needs. Well if you just need to get laid, you will find plenty of single guys online who will be more then willing to fill that need. <p>Your excuse for seeing these men is nothing more then an excuse. If you felt one bit of guilt about it. If you did not want to date married men, you would not be doing it. People usually do exactly what they want to do.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by SOW22MM:
[QB]<p><<<Yes, I can live w/out a man. However, I do have needs as any other human being for intimacy, support, and friendship. I am not saying it is morally right, but at the moment that is what my MM offers me.>>><p>So if you are gettingn your needs met then screw everyone else. Who cares how much potential agony you are helping to put another person through. YOU are getting what YOU want and that is what counts.<p><<< For those thinking my kids are "warped" they do not know MM#1 is married>><p>Guess it's going to be a bummer of a shock for them when that hits the fan. <p><<<(he helps my son w/ baseball practice, homework, and has even baked cakes w/ my daughter. He has gone to both school for PTA meetings, was the Easter Bunny for my little girl's school Easter egg hunt, and attended the father/daughter tea at her school).>>><p>Hmmm. In this tiny town with no single men no one notices that "Child's" pretend Daddy is married to so and so but appearing all over town (seemingly at EVERY public function possible) as the happy family with OW and her kids. It's getting deep in here, can someone hand me a shovel. Pass me the puke bucket too lol.<p> <<< If a day or two goes by and he does not come around my little girl is on the phone to him.>><p>Oh yeah. That is healthy. It's going to suck for her when you have to explain that Mr. Wonderful isn't coming around or calling anymore because his wife found out.<p><<< Had to leave him because he was very jealous (unjustly) after we got married. He then began to get physical. I left. I knew I could not expose my kids to that.>>><p>ROFLPIMP!!!!! But adultery is peachy. This is getting funny!<p><<My XMM helps out more I believe. He does stuff like buy groceries, vcr/tv for my room, he gave me the downpayment on my new house, he buys gifts for the kids, and he bought my D's school clothes last year 0- we went out of town to a huge outlet mall and he spent $800 on her - she was the best dressed first grader at her school.>>><p>Hee hee. Betcha didnt' know there is a little known law by which the betrayed spouse can SUE to OP for HALF of everything the MM gave you. Has something to do with improper use of marital funds. Basically his wife (even if she didnt' have a job) put down a quarter of your house payment, paid for a quarter of your kids clothes etc. Wouldn't it just totally suck to have to fork over half that supposed fortune he gave you. Seems like an awful lot of money for a guy who works in a prison to have. Hmmmm. Anyone else remember OLG(whatever her name was) and how her priest bought her tons of expensive furniture? So many similarities....<p><<He also still pays for her dance lessons because I told her she needed to limit some of her activities - keeping up w/ her is a fulltime job. She went to him and of course he agreed to pay it.>><p>Aww, how sweet. Let your kid go to someone else's husband and beg for money.<p><<< My XMM drove the my son, the boy, and me into town - bought the shoes and went to rec dept and paid the fees. He has a good heart. My new MM pays my home phone bill, my cell phone bill (he purchased), and my beeper bill (also his purchase). He bought the kids gifts for Xmas although he is not allowed to be around them. Neither support me so to speak, they just help out.>>><p>ROFL. These are the richest prison employees in history of the world lol. I know people who work at prisons, and unless you are the warden it's not exactly a moneybags type job. Plenty to live comfortably, but not to be putting downpayments on houses, buying thousands of dollars worth of clothes, outfitting the whole basketball team. All of this hemorrhaging of cash miraculously going unnoticed by the wives.<p><< Yes, I feel all children can benefit from a positive male influence.>><p>That isnt' a guy who is cheating on hnis wife. <p><<< Clueless, maybe. However, if I thought the relationship w/ XMM was at all detrimental to kids he'd be out of here in a new york minute.>><p> Uh huh. Not when Mom is so desperately needy she will cling to anything vaguely male that walks by. The poor kids are even soliciting this guy for cash.<p> Hey, I've seen "Oz" on HBO. It seems like the prison employees can occcasionally diddle the inmates if they are careful. Since you are so set on dysfunction maybe you can hook up with one of those muscular hotties? <p> Okay I've had my fun and won't be responding to this sham anymore (even though it's a tempting laugh riot). Last time it was a church lady and a priest, this time it's prison employees and I have a sneaking suspicion that they are all the same person/people. This was fun. I'll post to you again when you come back with a new persona.

fairydust...<p>Yep, it is sounding more and more like a scam. Actually, I hope it is not real. I hope this woman is not teaching her kids to use others for their own gain. Gee as long as he gives her/them money it's all ok. I think that's called prostitution isn't it? There is only a very small difference between the two.<p>The prostitute takes the money up front and is honest that they are exchanging their time/sex for money.<p>In this case, the sordid situation is wrapped in a fantasy that it is about love and goodness. Yet there is not honesty going on. <p>barf... [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

fairydust and zorweb,
Sorry to disappoint you, but I have never posted here before. Never really knew of this site till a mention was made of Anatomy of My Affair by A Husband. I live in this town. My Xmm lives in a town about 40 miles away. Yes, I am familliar w/ the law. I am 2 classes shy of a MSW and my graduate degree was in Social Work and Criminal Justice. My new MM does not live in this town either. I commute to work each day as they do. We are all three supervisors at the prison and do make a good living esp. when you factor in the cost of living in the areas we all live. I never said he spent "thousands on school clothes, I said $800". I never said he "outfitted the whole basketball team". I said he bought shoes and paid the registration fee for ONE child. Dance lessons are only $51 per month. He gave me $900 10/00 to move out then an additional $2,000 in August of last year to assist in the purchase of my home. That is 2 paychecks for him. I do know he lied to her and stated he gave that $ to his younger brother that had just gotten married (atleast that is what he told me). My phone bill, cell, and beeper bill are less than $110. per month. He pays them because he wants to be able to reach me at all times. I never had use for beeper/cell before so he bought them and maintains them. I do not know what kind of posters you here at MB have been dealing with, but a scam??? Yes, I have been posting at TOW since 10/01 of last year just to build up a background to come stir the pot here. Yeah right, no one has that much time on his or her hands.

As we all know, cheaters are incredible liars, so you really can't believe their stories. They all seem to be so hung up on money.<p>Why is it that they have multiple children with different dads...child support??? They often haven't even been married to the dads at all.<p>The stories on the other site are often so unbelievable. One told of her MM's 80K car that she backed into...yeah right.<p>She said he was having to drive an old work truck while it was repaired. Why won't insurance pay for a rental car???? We own 2 luxury cars and whenever they need repairs, we get a free loaner car.<p>Guess she doesn't know how people with money really live...<p>As far as female sergeant saying that she dates MM because that is all that is available at her work...well, what if she worked in a FEMALE PRISON...would she become a lesbian??? If I follow her weird logic, that is where it takes me.<p>These people that are in cheating relationships have such crazy and convoluted thinking. If you try to follow it, it takes you in a giant circle.<p>They think that they are so tolerant over there and everyone else is closed minded.<p>What is wrong with these people that they refuse to see the truth. They poof from the general board all the time. They constantly flame the BS that go there that assert a different opinion. It is happening now to HCM.<p>They have no right to be angry at anyone but themselves for knowingly engaging in sex with a MM.<p>Their anger stems from their deep seated knowledge that the MM doesn't really love them, if he did, he would be with them. They think that they are soulmates, but to MM they are just holemates.<p>The ones that I feel sorriest for are the children. Can you imagine having a mother with no morals?<p>The children have a 50-50 chance of making it. Half will become just like their mothers and the other half will rebel and go the opposite way. Their own children may become the moral Christians that they hate so much.<p>How will they handle this???<p>Kira

Let's see here<p>$2000
$800
$51 per month = $612 annually
$110 per month = $1320 annually<p>Just these amounts add up to $4732, so you owe their wives at least $2366.. for starters.

That is a scarey story... no comment on the majority of it. <p>Would I as a BS like to know? HELL YES! if I could make that a page tall, extra large, blinking in pink highlighted i would. Everyone should have the chance to SAVE their marriage. You obviously think the OM.. uh Other men are a wonderful people and dont want to loose them. dont you think their REAL wives do too? dont you think since they are actually MARRIED to them and have/had a real relationship with them they deserve a chance to try?<p>
ok i said more than I meant to. sorry
anyway.
have a day.

S,
You are fooling yourself if you think a 14yo or even younger child does not know what's going on. Children are usually very aware of what is going on in their environment.<p>If you will not cease and desist on moral grounds, you may want to think of the financial consequences that were mentioned. I personally know BSs who won and/or settled alienation of affection cases against the OP, and the OP is now paying them every month for the pain and suffering they caused. One of them had to write letters of apology to the BS and her children in addition to several other accountability measures.<p>S, all of us have bared our pain to you and given you our heartfelt advice, fulfilling your request to have the BS's point of view. However, as we can all attest, you can NEVER appreciate the depth of the agony until you experience it yourself. You now have everything you need to know EXACTLY what you are doing to other human beings, most importantly your own children, and if you choose to continue inflicting injury on the innocent with malice aforethought, then sadly, we have nothing else to offer you here.<p>May God have mercy on your soul.

Hi all. Appreciate all of your responses. I have decided to tell MM#1's W. However, I will do so in a round about way. As I said a lot of people know. W called a fellow coworker the other day to inform her of a rumor she had heard regarding said friend. I have told this person (who wants me to tell W) that she can mention to the w that she heard something about me and that i told her if the W were to question me I would be willing to discuss it honestly. This way, the only way the W will know is if she asks. If she asks I will know she wanted to know, and tell her.

SOW22MM,<p>Another thing you could do to help her and her husband is to give her a copy of the book 'Surviving an Affair'. You have said that you would like to help them rebuild. You could also give her the address to this web site. You say that they do not have a computer. But perhaps they know someone who can let them use one.

Would you please do me a favour?<p>Tell MM#1 that he has to tell her, and if HE doesn't do it within a week, then you will.<p>I believe it should come from him.