I dont think H understands the depth of what his EA did to me.<p>its been over a year so i try not to bring it up often and when it does get brought up we are usually very civil in its discussion.<p>today however we were both out of cigarettes and H stops at a store so i can run in and buy some.<p>H stops at a convience store that the XOW worked at at the time of his A.<p>i balked right at way at this " no way am i going in there find another store."<p>
H's reply was something about his EA hanging over his head for the rest of his life. and me not fogiving him.<p>SO i end up going into this store. i grab a soda and go to the counter.. every step feeling like a mile the whole thing going in super slow motion.
i look around and wonder what went on in here between them... what did they talk about, how at that time he must have smiled alot and had those heart to heart talks with her... something he feels he cannot do with me. it was the longest checkout line in the world to me and all i wanted to do was get out of there and FAST.<p>So FINALLY i get through the checkout and back into the car.
i dont say anything more about the store or his EA.
H starts talking about how i have too many triggers and if he had triggers like me we would never go to walmart............ he seen her there once. and he wished she would drop of the face of the earth.<p>i think theres a slight difference between those stores.<p>so we get to walmart. outside of the car H takes me in his arms and asks me if im ever going to forgive and trust him again.
i told him that trust was given freely only once and now its going to have to be earned and having taken advantage of my trust its going to take alot to get it back.
i also told him that the store has nothing to do with forgivness...i can forgive him but it doesnt make me forget.
I dont know how to deal with H at times like this he seems to think that i should be over this by now. his favorite line is... youre never gonig to let me live this down are you?
doesnt he realize that our M will never ever be the same???
that US as a couple will NEVER be the same??<p>
So we get home and H mentions that i am not meeting any of his needs.
goes on to say that he tells me what his needs are and i just dont care.
his #1 EN is affection.
doesnt he realize that after fighting most of the day im not really in the mood to be cuddly?
does he seem to realize that we have 2 babies who need my constant attention?
and what little free time i have i want to use constructively. ie cooking dinner
grante dhe had asked me to cudddle with him when we got home after we argued all the way. not a cuddly mood for me.<p>sigh
just a vent i guess guys
thanks for listening

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by LuvOnTheRox:
<strong> his favorite line is... youre never gonig to let me live this down are you?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>This so reminds me of my H's "It's just a PLACE!", to which I said, "Our bed is just a bed, but what if I had been with another man in it?" He contended that that was different. It's double standards all the way for my H.<p>I'm trying to think of non-LB ways to answer a question like your H's. The fact is that this refusal to acknowledge what these places, things, dates, etc., represent to us, that each one takes us right back to when we were being stabbed in the back and that we feel each and every laceration all over again, is inflicting the injury on us all over again.<p>If you had been raped at that place, would he take you to buy cigarettes there, or would he manage to somehow muster up the sensitivity to steer the car somewhere else?<p>What this is is a lack of empathy on the part of the perpetrator for their victim, and it shows me that my H does not accept the depth of the wound he inflicted on me, hence he is not fully owning what he did, which means he is still minimizing and rationalizing, which is exactly what got him into an A in the first place.<p>The way I'd like to respond to that particular LB is: "You're never going to bind the wounds you inflicted on me and help me to heal, are you?"<p>This type of attitude reveals that it is STILL all about them. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sorry, Luv, you were subjected to that. I have reminders and triggers all over town, too, not to mention that I believe they did it in one of our cars. GACK! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If they could only understand that they themselves are ENOUGH of a trigger/reminder that we sure don't need any more foisted onto us if they want to repair the damage they did to the M.<p>[ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

Conqueror,
Thanks for the reply.<p>with my H some days hes remorseful and seems to be able to see the pain inflicted while other days hes back to the scenerio that they were just friends, i cannot seem to get anywhere <p>what a drag
take care