I am struggling so much....was doing good but maybe I thought there was hope. I am crying alot again and am weary of all this. <p>Trying to make some big decisions...One is still trying to decide if Plan B is the way to go but it had been 2 weeks since I talked to WS and I was depressed and overwhelmed with missing him. How does the BS handle withdrawal from WS? <p>I keep asking myself why do I want this person who seems to be using people to make him feel good. He uses OW cause she makes him feel good, he uses me when he wants to overcome his sadness but he won't commit to anyone. He sounded great on the phone...like nothing is wrong....and has always been this way. He wanted to engage in conversation about a health problem he has. I was kind but did not provide any support for him....LET OW> I want to move on and get over him. I see no hope and I cannot go on like this. My body is feeling the effect and I am having all kinds of muscle cramping and breakdown.<p>WHY IS IT SO HARD TO UNTANGLE. I feel like I am having surgery without the anesthesia.<p>TW

TW,<p>I'm by no means an expert at this, and I'm sure one of the Veteran MBers will be along.<p>I can only pass on advice given to me that has worked. Get busy, go do things, just try to keep your mind off of WS. Whatever you have to do, just occupy the "down times" in your brain.<p>I have gone out more since my W left me, then when we were together. I have gone and done "new" thing, "new" places. I live in OH, the rock hall has been here at least 7 years, I finally got to it this month. Anything to take my mind off of the situation.<p>Oh and the support of all the wonderful people here. Without them and MB, I don't know if I'd have a M to try to fix, or if I'd already be in Dv court.<p>Good luck, and God Bless.

Feeling great today---Have made a decision to just detach and maybe move forward with "practicing" being divorced. I will not let WS pull me in and using me to help him with his emotional turmoil. Hope I can keep moving and get past the feelings of attachment. How could I ever want to be attached to someone who has never acted like he wanted to be married.<p>I do fear the withdrawal from not seeing WS but I want to get ready for a possbile end to this M. I think I need to get him out of the way to see myself better<p>TW

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by tossedwave:
Hope I can keep moving and get past the feelings of attachment. How could I ever want to be attached to someone who has never acted like he wanted to be married.<p>I do fear the withdrawal from not seeing WS but I want to get ready for a possbile end to this M. I think I need to get him out of the way to see myself better<hr></blockquote><p>There you go TW, I had to do the same. You sound so much like me. Not that your situation is the same because mine was quite severe with the OCs and such.<p>It took me a while to get where I am now. I still feel small trickels of disbelief and other feelings, but I am moving forward and full acceptance is my goal.<p>For your situation I'd say you should just think about YOU and only you right now. When you get those despression feelings get yourself busy with something you enjoy doing. It really does help.<p>I'll pray for you tonight.<p>Lv,
Jo

Res---thanks for the prayers. I am amazed at how strong and determined I feel right now that I have to press forward and totally separate from WS emotionally. I have no hope and that is good. Maybe it is your prayers that God has used. I spent the morning at Barnes and Nobles educating myself on divorce, legaltiies, etc<p>How are you coping with being divorced? Is it better than trying to make someone love you and act married to you?<p>TW

Torizo---what is a rock hall in OH?<p>Are you and your W back together? <p>TW

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

TW, <p>Hard as it is to believe your fears are greater than reality. How your H will view your getting on with your life can not be predicted. However, many WS' see this as a 'warning sign' and many take a look at their Love bank and find out that if they don't start making deposit into yours that their's will eventually be depleted. WhY? Because you are currently meeting some of their needs and they are too selfish to even say thank you. Instead they would rather make you feel guilty so they can get more for less. <p>So give him an eye opener or 2. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Let him wonder what you are up to... At least he will be thinking of you and not someone else. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.<p>[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

I am going to make subtle changes to keep preparing myself for divorce. I have to focus on life as a divorced person. That is my goal. I am praying everyday for God to shield my heart from WS. I am avoiding WS and leaving if he says he is coming over to get something. I used to wait around like a puppy on the side of the road waiting for his master to throw him a bone (whenever). I am gonna change the message on voice mail to exclude his name and as long as I keep this momentum going, I can tell myself that it doesn't matter what he does cause we are no longer. I am going to start to clean out the cellar and get rid of stuff in preparation for the end. I am almost convinced I will have to file for divorce some day but I have a lot of things to think through. <p>I have been overwhelmed with the thought that this has been how our marriage of 33 years has felt like.....H never could quite decide if he wanted to be married but he would be a part of all the enjoyable things that marriage brings. Somewhat like all the benefits of marriage but none of the committment. He is a fence-sitter in all he does. I still ask myself why I would want to be married to someone who is like this. He has always said "he will never change, this is the way he is" so I think, he has convinced me completely that he will not change.<p>I was looking at some pictures of our past, younger years and we have had a better marriage now than years ago. Of course, there was an A 20 yrs ago and I understood that A completely but this one is baffling me. <p>I am not gonna Plan B yet. I may be able to move forward this way as long as I do not get sucked into his waffling. He isn't making false promises anymore so that is helping me to keep focused. I will not let him use me anymore. I will not fill his needs anymore. I will prepare for divorce.<p>Thanks for all the words of wisdom,
TW