My H has ALWAYS told me that he is not satisfied with the amount of sex that he receives. H has admitted to not being able to control his desires and sometimes does not really care how I feel (if I am tired or not in the mood). I have found this out by approaching him the next day and stating that I was disappointed with what took place the night before. I never yell or scream. That is his department. One thing that my mom told me is to run the marriage like a business. Two partners in the business, right? Both have to put in their share. One might have strengths; one might have weaknesses, but it is both of your "jobs/duty" to recognize what these are and make the business succeed. She said that having sex with your "business partner" would only confuse matters. Especially when things were are not going good; you get all confused with what you are feeling. You know what the business needs but you do not want to hurt the other partner?? Well, I have thought about this. Not sure if I agree. <p>I have asked this question because I read on another reply about avoiding sex. The scenario was a little different, but in the same breath, my H (the BS) has told me many times over the 8.5 years, that he would consider leaving me due to the lack of it. I would never leave him because of that. I tell him, "If you were in an accident and paralyzed..(knock on wood) and unable to perform, I would still be here". I have always considered the amount/frequency my "fault" because of his statement. I am the only one who has ever said no. I say to myself..."How come you do not want to? You love him; he is your husband; what is the hold-up?" I did not want to make love to someone who is stoned or drunk. And he knows this.<p>What is your opinion in the "sex" category now in seperation. For me, I have always considered sex to be an "added bonus" for a relationship. I am not with my husband because of the sex. I am with with him because of the companionship, having him home for home for dinner as a family makes me happy, sharing a bucket of popcorn and a movie is great. I have never used "sex" as an indicator of how well our marriage is, I put weight on conversation, friendship, how he uses his heart. What is your opinion on this? Currently, there is no action. What is the norm? Is there a norm? Are you supposed to turn everything off until..... when? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Thank you for your honesty and your opinion. I hope this question does not offend anyone, and if I have, I am terribly sorry. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

BMWM,<p>Are you asking if during the separation you can have or not have sex with your H? Assuming that I am getting your question correct, I think that the answer is entirely dependent on what you want. If you want to, then go for it. If you don't, then don't. There is no objective standard for these types of things and never could be. Go with whatever your feelings are. <p>I can tell you that I agree with one of Michelle Davis-Weiner's concepts; that of the 180. Whatever has been a problem, do exactly the opposite of what you have been doing. If SF has been a problem for your H, then I would suggest that you take that problem away. Do it as much as you can. I can tell you that when a woman says how much she wants you, it changes your perception of that woman in a positive way.<p>In the end, it is up to you.<p>Good luck.