Many of you probably don't remember me. I used to post alot on here, but have just been lurking as times passes. My D-Day was almost 6 months ago..I am the BS. <p>My WS is slowing starting to come around i think...but it has been a slow process. She still talks to him a little on the phone, but has finally agreed after 5 1/2 months that she wouldn't initiate contact with him. SMALL STEPS. <p>She has said to me at different times that I am Mr. Right....Mr. Perfect ect. I never could get her to explain what she was talking about. She finally said that in her mind I will always be the innocent one in our relationship and she will always be the guilty one because of her affair. Only her immediate family and my parents know about her A. This is very hard for her because her family always made her out to be Ms. Perfect..IE perfect daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, mother etc. <p>I explained to her that i certainly didn't think that way AND that i wasn't innocent anyway. I was 1/2 of the reason that our marriage was in the shape for the affair to happen (everyone thought we had the perfect marriage). <p>She has also finally admitted to all the work i have done since D-Day...and knows she hasn't worked that hard on things. She feels that she can never be all that i want. I told her i only wanted HER...<p>For you newbies reading this.....here are some things i have learned from this. <p>1. Take care of yourself. <p>2. Plan A is for you...become what YOU have always wanted to be. <p>3. You marriage didn't fall apart in a day, week or month....it won't get resolved that way either.

4. The "in-love" feeling coming back from your spouse may be on-off in spurts for a long time...STAY FOCUSED. Each spurt lasts longer.<p>5. Don't smother them..if they need space..GIVE IT TO THEM !! <p>6. Even if they don't say anything about Plan A...they see it and notice. It took my WS 5 months to finally say that she sees it and loves me for it. <p>
Does anyone else have a WS who thinks they will always be the bad guy ? I think she hasn't forgiven herself yet...

OH YEAH - This speaks to me!<p>WW says I'm Mr.Perfect too! What a coincidence! She's always been viewed as Mrs.Perfect. Everyone thought we had a perfect marriage. She says over and over that she doesn't think she can ever forgive herself. She says that I deserve better. Etc. Etc. Sounds like a carbon copy story. Except you're a bit father along... my WW hasn't committed to no-contact yet. We're at 4.5 months post-d-day.<p>I totally agree with your points. I would add that often times, Plan A isn't about "radical changes". It's often the subtle ones that get noticed the most. And sometimes only subtle changes ARE possible, because when it comes to some things, such as affection, it really does take 2 to tango, and the WS (at least mine) isn't ready to "go there" quite yet.<p>So it's a "chipping process" - kind of like breaking down walls with teaspoons - slow, painful, and frustrating at times. But possible.

SD<p>Good post [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We all need to hear this occasionally even tho we probably all know it already <p>Good luck and stay focused... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E