I'm a little confused as to what to do. Everything we have is JOINT. Should I start breaking away. H sees that as an LB..."I was always so WORRIED about money that it drove him away..." <p>Actually, last night he offered me $5000 in repayment of any money he spent on H. Said that he didn't even spend close to that but that it would include some compensation for my emotional pain. Sick. Doesn't even have a clue.

Terrified,<p>This is my 2¢,
At some point you have to do that to protect your self financially but if it is an LB'ed you have weight the risk/benefit of it. You should not do it unless there is a big financial risk down the road. If you don't need the $5,000.00, declined it and told him that it is not the money issue and apologize for your LB and tell him your frustration about A as a fact not demanding him doing anything and not in angry tone. Use the fogese back to them since they understand well cause and effect, you use it to justify your LB and at the same time you sneek in your "story". You have to show him your changes or your capablilties of change. Otherwise all your sacrifice so far in plan A is out of the wazoo. When they are in the fog you better stay away from it or else the freight train will run you over.<p>Take care.

T-
Redhat is absolutely correct. I too would refuse the money (actually, he can send it to me if you want!) He is using money as compensation when he should be using his heart and soul and making an emotional effort. I'm sure that in his moose worm infected brain what he is doing make sense.<p>If you are fearful of being financially hurt, get in touch with your attorney. I would strongly recommend filing separation papers. Make sure that they spell out the financial arrangements, but don't use it to 'get back' at him. Make sure that you and your kids are financially protected. I would also recommend doing some kind of direct deposit from his paycheck into your own account, tht way if you decide to go to plan B, he cant use this as a way to stay in contact.<p>..."I was always so WORRIED about money that it drove him away..." - he is trying to justify the A again, put the blame solely on you -BUT YOU WONT ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS STATEMENT!!!

if you might need money for you and your child, take it for you and your d, and put it in a seperate account and save it... keep other money together if that still works unless you are scared and want more lbs, I'm sure he will be mad.<p>hugs, honey

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Its a very good idea to start putting some money away for yourself. What I am doing is getting an extra $20-$25 each time I go to the grocery store. I just make the check out that much over the amount required and I get it back in cash. My parents put a safe in my house (hidden) that my H knows nothing about. Its not much each time, but it will add up over time and hey, in a bad period, anything will help to tide you over. Also, when he ever gives me a bit of extra cash just because, I don't spend it, I put it away with my other money. <p>I have been able to put away a nice little stash over the last few months. If he found out, i suppose he would be mad, so I won't let him know. A good divorce lawyer in our town requires a retainer of $2500 to start. Thats a lot of money for a stay at home monm like me to suddenly come up with. And just think, you might never need it and there it will be to use someday for a nice anniversary trip or down payment on something! ( I have to look on the bright side a little bit so I don't go crazy with depression)<p> [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Good luck to you and do something nice for yourself today! I am going to the movies w/ a friend to cheer myself up. firefly10