Update....<p>H went to mothers last night or sometime yesterday. I have been speaking with her about what he has been saying...she is a great support.
He picked me up from work....was very quiet, and not overly friendly....asked himif he would be home for dinner tonight...he said no, asked him if he wanted me to keep anything for him, no to that too.<p>I feel like i have lost the battle...dont know what, if anything mom said to him or vice versa...not going to call her either...puts her really in the middle...let her call me if she wants to...<p>not sure if perhaps if they did talk...he is despondent because, now he knows I have let her know, and he is angry, but what the heck did he think I would do. Struggle with this by myself.
I dont have parents. They died a long time ago.
So I didnt go to her, cos its his mother...she is like mine as well. she feels the same.<p>Started new job...found it great to be focused on something other than all this CRAP...but am now getting that when i start to come home I get knots in my stomach, cos I dont know whats is waiting on the other side of the door.<p>As far as my daughter goes..she has a councellor, I have updated the councellor and she will work with my daughter with this. That way she has an outlet other than me, I dont want her in the middle of anything...its a horrible place to be, but she isnt close to her dad...and has been angry with him for some time, more than a year, for all his late hours etc. Councellor said that she is basically afraid of my getting hurt by him, and is trying to protect me. Too late for that anyhow. But councellor and I agreed that its not her place to protect me, and the reality is that this problem is her fathers really, and he has to figure it out.
I want to know whats going on, yet I dont if that makes anysense.
Hoping in time he will come to his senses, and realize that the happiness he wants...isnt gonna come from doing something that will hurt so many people. He has or least he used to have a concience, and would feel really guilty about hurting anyone.
I am looking out for me and the kids....as best I can, going out today, groceries etc. Rent a movie for tonight, try and keep things as normal as I can. but this feeling in my gut is awful. It hurts so much to see a man I thought I knew..act so confused, he looks haggard, and tired all the time.
Not too fond of how he has been treating us lately either....never home...any excuse to stay away from us, yet he still sleeps in our bed. No intimacy, but he still sleeps there???
Feels like one step forward to steps back and I dont know if thats how things like this progress.
wonder why he is still here....holidays are over, sons birthday next week, but arnt those just excuses, or is it his way to tell me is just is sooo confused. And if ther is another woman, or was, wouldnt that add to his confusion, I certainly cant see it helping him at all. Never had an affair so dont know what emotions play in it.
Any input would be great....stressed all the time...Dr gave me a mild sedative so I could sleep. dont really feel depressed, went to work, getting up and dressed etc. Just sad, that this is all happening to us.
