I've posted before and need help now, D-day was 12/12. Luckily the holidays were coming fast so I had some time off work and found MB. Been in plan A since 12/19. WS says she sees changes in me but she still loves OM. Today she told me she wants to leave. We have 3 kids 7, 4 and 10 months. She wants to figure out a way that she is still a big part of their lives. My initial reaction is no way, you leave and you leave the kids. Is it possible or healthy to come up with an arrangement where we are flip flopping them from one resident to the other? Is their a compromise out there. I was hoping to plan A her until she finally decided that it was stupid to keep going on with A. But when she suggested this I got so mad I said go ahead, now there is no turning back. I feel like I am rolling the dice with my way of life on the line. Anyway how can we split this up and be happy with the arrangement. I am looking for advice on other people's past experiences. I talked to Jennifer H and she said this was inevitable, but I think she would be surprised at how fast it all is going. I dont want to make broad strokes here. Maybe it would be beneficial to the marriage to have the kids at her new place half the time or whatever. I cant figure this out by myself, I cant even focus let alone make some of the biggest decisions of my life. Also we are both struggling what to tell the 7 and 4 year old. Like I said we are only 5 weeks in so they have no idea. In fact they have been getting more attention than ever from me. I know I didn't include too much background info so I will stay close, any help is appreciated.

Hello hopeto,<p>I am grandmother who has seen her 3 year-old grandson shuttled back and forth between WS mom and BS dad for 10 months. He is a mess. He talks about Mommy's house and Daddy's house, but he doesn't have a "my" house. For the children's sake, keep them in one home. IMO their home should be at home with you. Having their mother leave is going to be traumatic enough. Please carefully consider before you bounce them back and forth. Their mom is still their mom. Work out some arrangement so that she can see them as often as possible, but keep them in their home. You are their source of stability now. Strive to keep their life as close to normal as possible.<p>I am sorry that you are facing this separation. I'm sad for your children. Remember that the decisions you are making today will have long term effects. <p>Thinking of you and your kids,
Estes

Thanks estes49 I have gotten responses from you before and I respect what you have said. I need to figure out a way to convince my WS of such an arrangement. She wants to do what is right so if I can find a book or something that suggests it I think she would listen. I can do some research here.

If she wants to go...by all means, show her the door. But the kids should stay. Absolutely, no question in my mind. As far as I am concerned, you don't get to cheat, abandon your spouse, and then heap more hurt to everyone by yanking children away from their own security and home, and denying the daily presence of the BS in their lives.<p>This is not a "LB". Security for kids and you come first.