Grabbed David Lieberman's "Get Anyone to do Anything"... some great stuff. In a nutshell, for those looking for an instant relationship advantage (who isn't, eh? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )...<p>Availability - people want what they don't have - being constantly available diminishes your value - i.e., don't always be there for WS. Go out and live your life, even if you're in Plan A (hey, that's what I'm doing now, and I'm noticing results - in some ways is a taste of Plan B?!?).<p>Perspective - I've heard this described elsewhere as the philosophy of need vs. want. If you think you NEED your WS, you're attacking your own self-esteem which makes you less attractive. We rarely get that what we think we need - it doesn't translate in the right behaviors.<p>Passion - if there's no "doubt", there's no room for passion. We take for granted that which we are assured. So by injecting doubt, renewed appreciation often results.<p>How You Make Them Feel - You don't want to use the above to come across as cold. The key is to be attentive and kind vs. letting them think they're your entire world! I.e. it's better to compliment them as "your a great person" vs. "I love you so much". I've heard this before, too - saying "I love you" over and over isn't necessarily a good thing - they're just hearing something that's contrary to what they want, and that's a turn-off for them right now - but a compliment is different!<p>It's quite interesting - these are all based on human behavior - so even though we hate playing games, might as well win at 'em, because we all do it, married or not! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I honestly believe these point are consistent with Plan A - they're things we'd want to do if our M fails - to attact and hold new relationships - so why not practice now?<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: J.R. ]</p>

This sounds like Michele Weiner-Davis' Last Resort Technique from Divorce Busting and The Divorce Remedy that I've been pursuing for the last 3-4 weeks. Sure makes ME feel better doing this anyway, so I can attest to that much. Whether it does anything for the R is a secondary concern for me right now.

I agree - since there are no guaranties in life, best to have absolutely no expectations.<p>The other thing I forgot to mention too was that these things kind of require some sense of fondness in the other person. Some slightly different behaviors promote that as a foundation.<p>And also, another part of the book talks about the fact that acting out of fear will never net us anything. I think that it's hard for BS not to in some ways (fear of being alone, uncertainty, etc.) - but I think it does promote the wrong behaviors.