Posted but didnt get any response.<p>H came home last night at 1200am...didnt question where he was...he would just lie anyhow...he seems to be getting pretty good at it.<p>Staying away from the kids....upstairs on computer playing bridge..
Asked me about new job...said to me that he is confident I will be fine as i am concientious etc.<p>Is this still withdrawl, or what is it.
One minute he seems ok, the next its like he is a different person.
Came up in conversation that he is going to Montreal next week for 5 days for a work conference. Seemed uncomfotable saying it..wondering if its even true. The first of FEB is coming up, and that is one of the dates he mentioned leaving. Surely he wouldnt just GO with no explanation to anyone?????
Like I mentioned before....it feels like I am being pulled in 100 directions, and not sure what one to go. Part of me just wants to get him out, till he gets his act together if ever....another part is saying, hang in there..but with not much supports right now, its really hard. Trying to get "used to being separated in my head." <p>If this is a MLC, which is showing withdrawl and depressions signs of, as well as affair.
1. How long do these affairs last usually.
2. What do these guys generally do when they are over?
3. How long does MLC last.<p>Looked on here...found a bit of info...wondering if there are any sites for this I could also go to. Been to divorce busting. Want all the info I can get on MLC
Please respond. This is a tough day.

Just wanted to let you know to hand in there. Sometimes the boards are slow. I would love to respond to your post but just do not have the time right now. Am strung out taking care of a very ill mom... Someone will be along... But for starters please read the links on my footer if you have not already. <p>I someone does not come along soon, bump this to the top again. I know from experience it it not an intended slight by anyone on MB.

Dear Kathy,<p>I do not have experience with MLC; however, you can do a search (Write back if you need help.) on the forum under MLC. For Search Under, pick Topic Only. When I did, there were many posts relating to this topic. Here is a link to a stater thread. I hope this helps you.
MLC<p>Best wishes,
Estes

I was going to reply last night, but it was really late and I knew you wouldn't read it until today anyway.<p>To start, go the links in zorweb's reponse. Then continue to read all you can on this site. <p>You can also call or e-mail into the radio show that Bill Harley appears on on Mons. 1pm CST - just go to the radio link on this site to get the info for some advice.<p>You should read His Needs/ Her Needs by Willard Harley and SAA (Surviving An Affair) also by Harley. Theses are standards. You can also print out the EN(emotional needs" quesitonaire and the LB (love buster) questionaire off of this web site and try to fill it out as if you were your husband if he is unwiling to do so.<p>Once you become educated about your situation, you'll be able to better identify what is happening. The basica principle is to find out what your spouse needs emotionally and then fulfill those needs - even if they aren't filling yours because once they get their needs met then they will want to fulfill your needs.<p>Now if there is an affair going on then it's almost impossible to fulfill their needs so you'll want to find out. If you do a search on this board about "is mu husband having an affair" or "how do I know if my husband is having an affair" there are some posts with info. about how to tell, but checking credit card statements, phone bills etc. can help. There are also some signs that you can pick up on to determine if H is having an affair, which are also posted.<p>Then you need to decide if you want to save your marriage or not. There are lots of other books to read about how to do that even if you are the only one in the relationship working.<p>You can ask him to see if he'll go to counseling or do any of these quesitonaires for you so that you can figure out how to make him happy again - but if he doesn't like the suggestion, then back off - and you know something is definitely wrong.<p>Begging and pleading do not help. As you'll see if read alot of posts here. <p>If you are not comfortable with any of the approaches her eyou can read Divorcebusting, or Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson(but before you follow his advice, make sure that your marriage is one your husband would want to come back to - you'll see that this approach is similar to Plan B - but MB usues Plan A first to make sure that husband would want to come back).<p>I know this sounds like alot, and we all know the kind of pain you are going through, but the sooner you start focusing on youself and get a plan, the better you'll feel. Take care, and post with any other questions. K<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Kathy,<p>I think one of the first things I would focus on, in addition to Plan A, is to finding out the TRUTH about what is behind his sudden change in attitude. I, like many others here have mentioned, strongly suspect there is an OW in the woodpile here. He shows all the classic symptoms. Your job is to sniff it out and bring it to light if you are ever going to start recovering this marriage. The truth has to come out somehow and the longer this goes on, the harder it will be on you and your recovery. <p>If he is on the computer, I would start first with spy software and see if you can get any clues from that. Maybe they send each other emails and you can get an idea of who it is. I use www.iopus.com Starr software, which is pretty good and costs about $40. [if you want me to help you get it set up, email me at Dana114@cablelynx.com]<p>The second thing you can do is hire a private investigator to follow him. I think it is fairly costly but very effective.

Kathy,<p>Here is a link that someone posted a while back and I bookmarked it, it has helped me a great deal.<p>My WH is in a major MLC and EA, classic signs and symptons. Follows the profile to perfection.<p>Hope that the link helps, patiecnce is something you will need a great deal of. We hit the 1 year point in a week of D day, have a nother to go probably unless he successeds in obtaining a divorce. I personal view is that we could've made it through the MLC, ubt then the OW got involved. UGH!!!<p>http://128.121.203.65/hismidlifecrisis.html<p>Best wishes, keep posting and reading, knowledge is a great thing to have. I know more about what my WH is going through then him. Kind of funny. I see him as the man I love that has a disease or illness and needs my love and support to get him thru this, am not sure if he is going to let me do that.<p>Best wishes,<p>Dawn<p>Also got the book "Praying wife" Good read!!

My H was rapidly approaching 49, we had had to give up an unsuccessful business that he had very much wanted, our eldest was going off to college, and then a young relative of mine was murdered. My H was very supportive during the many weeks my relative lingered in a coma. I can date his entry into depression from the day of the funeral. The affair started within months.<p>That was 1998. He left in February 1999, divorced me in January 2000, and married the OW, probably sometime last summer.<p>We are now living in poverty because the responsible, loving father has not worked in almost two years.<p>I have read that MLC can last for 5 years. The repercussions can last forever.