I am not usually on at this time of day, no school today. Yeppy!!<p>I need some input as I am so confused an am not sure where to go with this.<p>WH e mailed me last week and said he was going to e mail me a letter from a lawyer here in SD that he had visited with, haven't gotten the e mail yet. Just like him to make a threat and then not follow thru. Anyway I made an appointment with a lawyer last week for today, in about an hour and a half to be exact. And am really not sure why, or what I need to discuss with a lawyer. Intially I thought it might shock WH some, but don't even want to do that now.<p>Question being do I keep the appointment or canceal it?<p>If I go what do I need to bring up?<p>HELP!!<p>Dawn

Daybreak,<p>If you have no idea what you want to discuss with a lawyer, why would you go??<p>I don't think it will shock your h, he probably won't even think you really went but that you are just playing the one upmanship game with him.<p>Save your money!

My htought exactly, But H has a way of blasting me everytime I think he won't.<p>Just don't want to use my time off for this today, I guess!!

Well...sounds like you made this appointment with the intention of a specific outcome - a wake up call to H...no?<p>Understandable...but also the wrong motivation! <p>Obviously, your H is having fun making threats (so did mine) but rather than trying to guess what it all means, I'd simply take him at face value. <p>Do you have a legal separation in place? If not, is it possible in your state? (in NJ where I am, there is no legal separation).<p>What exactly was/is your H threatening about?<p>Are there things he can do that would harm you?<p>It might help with your Plan A to get yourself educated on your legal rights and possible plans of action. Information is power, and having less fear definitely makes it easier to calmly Plan A. My H's threats became meaningless once I understood the law. He used to say the craziest stuff to scare me, but I used to laugh and tell him to go read the NJ family law statutes (and then I'd send him the legal web links) and think again.<p>BUT if you decide to go see this attorney...do NOT tell your H. Why? Because otherwise it is too easy to turn this into a manipulation.<p>Go for you. And if your H finds out and throws a fit, you calmly tell him that he has retained an attorney and is taking legal action (so he says) and that you are simply being responsible in seeking information and guidance from your own attorney.<p>What do you ask? Well...be prepared to give the attorney an accurate picture of your financial situation, and current living arrangements and any future needs/plans. Then ask what kind of support you can reasonably expect. Ask the attorney to suggest a plan of action for you.<p>I spoke with several attorneys all who suggested that I file for divorce before my H did, because the county he lived in and would file in, had judges that would be less sympathetic to my situation. MY county on the other hand would be far more advantageous to me, but I had to file first. I later checked this through other sources and found out that these attorneys were NOT being deceptive....they were pretty honest and fair about the reality of my situation. The judges in my county were far more anti-infidelity than the ones in my H's county.<p>Stuff like that is good to know. Information is always power.<p>I guess I just want to stress to you that you have to do this stuff for YOU and not even tell your H that you are doing it. Don't play games with it, its far too serious.

Thaks BR,<p>I did make the appointment in haste, but to also find out where I stand. There is no legal seperattion here in SD, H is in UT, he said he wanted to file there and sent me online do it yourself documents and I laughed and threw them in the drawer. Said I never lived there wasn't going to be divorced there either.<p>I guess the one thought that keeps pooping back into my head is if I do go to this appointment am I admitting that I too believe that the marriage is over? I don't believe that by any means. Guess it's been a year and I am tired of waiting, patience I know!! I just wish he would get over this MLC, and I know we probably have another year of this to go. <p>The first appointment with the lawyer is usually free here, so don't know how much help it would reallybe. I've read the stuff on line. I plaan on asking for a huge amount, I figure if H really wants this he'll pay. Says he wants it but does nothing to obtain a DV, I know if I wanted one that it would've been done 6 months ago.<p>Oh Well. Need to go get dressed, see if I have any clean clothes to put on.<p>dawn

Well then, you seriously need to find out from an attorney about the interstate divorce thing.<p>What advantages does your H have by filing in UT?
Realize that if he files there, you'll have to deal with UT divorce law, not your state's laws.<p>If he does file in UT...then you'll need to hire an attorney long distance most likely....ugh.<p>These are serious issues that you need to discuss with your own attorney.<p>I got alot of very helpful information by talking with attorneys on free consultation. Talk to more than one...and research all of your issues online.

Thank you BR for all your support just what I needed today!!<p>I did find some clean clothes so guess I better get dressed and head out the door. <p>Myabe I'll take myslef to lunch first.<p>H won't file in UT, has contacted a lawyer here in SD. He is military but a resident of the state of SD, so everything could be done here.<p>I just feel like I am giving up, the last time I felt this way I took my rings off and they are still in the drawer. So I guess I am doing this a little at a time. I am detached in alot of ways already and then again I am not. So hard!! this is not where I planned to be at this stage in my life. <p>I watched a thing on the Today Show this morning about a 3 decade study of divorce and basically it's not a good thing, and he wants to drag us all through this why? Oh yeah I remember he is selfish!!<p>Again thanks Dawn

Dawn, talking to an attorney is NOT giving up.<p>It just means that you are accepting the reality of your situation. <p>You are facing reality and taking responsiblity for your life. This is where you should be. <p>Leave the outcome to God, and do what is yours to do.

Thaks,<p>I have done a lot of praying this week, I do alot every week but very focused on this this week.<p>Pator always says be quite and listen for God's voice to tell you what to do, I'm not hearrrrrring anything and that is a little scary. I know that I cannot change my husband but can change myself.<p>So off I go to the lawyer, I don't need to dress up to go do I? I'm pretty much a jean and jacket gal. Hope that will be ok.<p>Will check in later tonight and let you know how things went.<p>Thanks for the support, I really needed the boost!<p>Dawn

BR,<p>You could of knocked me over with a feather. I walked into this lawyers office. I asked the gal that did my hair last week for a recommendation as she had just gotten Divorced. The lawyer asks me if I am the spouse of _______ and I said yes and started laughing the lawyer looked at me strangely and I explained that it was his letter that I was waiting for from WH. WH has not retained this lawyer ye, so I was able to ask questions didn't get much info though. Said that the best thing to do was talk with H and get everything ironed out about amounts, custody and who is paying for what.<p>Neither us can file till the middle of Feb, due to the kids not having been in the state for 6 months.<p>So know what? I don't think I will tell WH about meeting with Lawyer at all, and play the waiting game to see what he does. Doesn't sound like I can hold things up much once they get started. Should cost each of us about $500 to do. If it's uncontested. I can't prove adultery. Stupidity yes!<p>I just sat in my car after walking out of the lawyers office and wasn't sure if I should cry or laugh!!!! I am sure God's hand is in here somewhere just not sure what it is He wants me to do yet, must be quite and listen.<p>Dawn